CHAPTER 17
To their amazement…Cassie was under in a matter of just a few minutes. They were both concerned about her…yet intrigued at the same time. She seemed as if she were talking in her sleep…as Doctor Hall interacted with her.
“You’re in a very safe place now Cassie…were no one can hurt you.” She told her. “There’s no reason to be afraid…tell me where you are.”
“In my room…” Cassie whispered softly.
“Good Cassie. Now…I want you to travel back in time…to another place…don’t be afraid.” Jackie coaxed her. “I’m here with you.”
“Yes…”
“I want you to go back to the basement …in the old house…on the night that they hurt you…can you find it?”
“Yes…”
“You’re floating around the room…watching. No one can see you…and I’m still here.” She said reassuring her of her safety. “Tell me what you see…”
“I’m afraid…it’s so cold.” She whimpered as the fear crept over her pretty face. “And I’m naked…”
“But you’re only watching…you’re still safe Cassie. Let’s stay for just a little while longer.” She encouraged her. “Tell me what is happening.”
“I don’t want to do it…”
“You have to try…” She encouraged her. “Don’t be afraid.”
“He left it for me…and I’m drinking it.” She said softly as her tiny voice cracked with the words.
“Why are you drinking it?”
“Because…Davey is gone…and they’re gonna hurt me.” She said almost in tears. “I just want to die too…”
Starsky’s face took on a pained expression as he listened to the exchange. She was reliving the night of the rape…and though in his heart he wanted to put an end to the whole thing right there and then…something else inside of him needed it to continue. He had to know what she was forced to go through. He had to know what they had done to her.
Hutch was lost in his own thoughts as they drifted back to that same
night. The night that he felt his heart beating out of his chest. He remembered
how she looked when he found her…the bruises and the blood. The anger that
he felt towards the young boys as they were being escorted from the room
in their drunken, drug induced state, had caused him to have to fight off
the urge to beat them all within an inch of their lives.
She was so fragile as he cradled her in his arms and wept softly for her. The memory was still as fresh in his mind as he knew it must be for her. Thank God that Starsky hadn’t been with him on that particular night.
Cassie was crying softly as she remembered the desperation that had driven her to pick up the glass…and drink from it. It was the one moment in her life that she had completely given up. Not wanting to feel the pain…not wanting to feel anything…knowing that she would probably be dead by morning.
“It’s alright Cassie…you’re still safe…please try to tell me what’s happening now.”
“I’m so cold…”
“I know Honey…but try…you can do it.”
“He’s grabbing me…. No…Leave me alone…Let me go…Stop It”
“What’s he doing Cassie…Tell Me!”
“He’s hurting me…make him stop…Help Me!”
Starsky stood up suddenly ready to put an end to what was now becoming another one of her heart pounding nightmares. Just like the ones he had witnessed so many times before. He had spent quite a few sleepless nights listening out for them…waiting for his cue to come into her room and rescue her from them. He wasn’t about to let her suffering go on a moment longer.
Hutch instinctively sprang to his feet and wrapped his right arm around
Starsky’s chest to hold him back. He knew that this was only the beginning
and they were too close to turn away now. She had to face her demons head
on…and by herself if she were ever going to overcome them. As painful as
it must be for Starsky to have to watch… he couldn’t let him interfere…for
her sake.
“Take it easy…let her finish.” Hutch told him in a calm whisper as he kept a firm grip around his partner’s chest.
“How can you just sit there and listen to this?” Starsky asked him as he attempted to pry himself loose.
“I love her too…but you can’t help her this way.” Hutch said with compassion. “You can’t protect her from this.”
“I can stop it.”
“No you can’t.” He told him bluntly. “Only she can do that…She has to put it to rest. You can’t do it for her.”
Starsky discontinued his struggle to break free…realizing that as painful as it was for him…Hutch was right. He couldn’t stop it…no matter how desperately he wanted to. That was the reason he had sought professional help in the first place. He just hadn’t realized how hard it would be for him to have to sit back and do nothing.
“Please…keep your voices down.” Jackie scolded them. “I can’t continue with these interruptions.”
“We’re sorry…” Hutch spoke up as he placed his emotionally drained partner back into his chair. “Please…Go on.”
“Cassie…it’s alright now…you’re just watching. He can’t hurt you.” She prompted her. “Tell me what’s happening.”
“He’s saying things to me…” She told her as she cupped her hands over her ears. “He thinks I want it…He’s calling me names.”
“It’s not true Cassie…you know that.”
“Why does he hate me so much?”
“He doesn’t hate you…He just wants to hurt you.”
“I don’t understand…” She said with tear-filled eyes. “I never did anything to hurt him…”
“I know Cassie…” Jackie soothed. “It’s not you’re fault.”
“They’re touching me…”
“But your safe…you’re only watching…” She reassured her.
“Oh…it hurts…it hurts so much.” She cried out as her body stiffened and she threw her head back in pain.
“But you’re strong Cassie…don’t give into them. Don’t let them control you’re mind.” She instructed. “Stay focused.”
“I can’t stop it.”
“Talk to him Cassie…you can speak to him now. You have to face him…don’t be afraid.” Jackie told her.
She had come so far. This was what she felt Cassie needed to do. Every victim of rape must, at one point, face that one aspect of the assault, which seemed to have the most profound affect on him or her. For some it is the feeling of complete helplessness and vulnerability. For others…it is the pain and the guilt associated with whatever circumstances had led to the attack. For Cassie…it was the question of why. But only her attacker or possibly Cassie herself…could provide the answer.
“I can’t.” Cassie said as she turned her head from side to side.
“Tell him how you feel about what he is doing to you Cassie…Tell him!” Jackie demanded. “You’re strong…you can do it.”
“Why…Why are you doing this to me? What did I do? Am I being punished?” She asked with a sadness in her voice. “Whatever I’ve done…I’m sorry.”
“He’s not punishing you Cassie…” She told her. “He doesn’t care about you. He’s doing this because he can…that’s all. Because it’s his nature.”
“NO…he’s not like that.” Cassie blurted out. “It’s something I’ve done.”
“No Cassie…that’s not true.”
“Yes it is…” She cried. “He hates me…I know it.”
“But he doesn’t even know you.”
“Yes he does…” She admitted. “And I… know him.”
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Chapter 18
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