CHAPTER 16

Hutch walked quietly into her room around 6 AM. He had been up all  night at the station and he was completely exhausted. Huggy was asleep in a nearby chair and Cassie was resting comfortably. He walked over to Huggy…shook him by the arm and spoke to him.

“Hey Hug…Sorry I was gone so long. Why don’t you go on home now and get some rest.”

“Huh…” Huggy said as he slowly stirred and focused his eyes on the tall blonde figure in front of him. “Oh…Hutch. How’d it go?”

“We got a confession out of one of them. I was up all night trying to put enough evidence together so she won’t have to take the stand.”

“That Tony cat is bad news man.”

“Yeah well…he’s going down for murder along with the hold up and Starsky’s shooting, but they still want to prosecute him and his buddies for the rape. There’s a possibility that Cassie may have to testify.” Hutch told him with a tired look in his eyes.

“You look like hell.” Huggy said with concern as he rose to his feet. “I can stay if you need to go home and get some sleep.”

“No…I’ll be fine.” He assured him. “You’ve been here all night and I really appreciate it…but you’re shift is over.”

“You sure man?”

“Yeah…go on…get outta here.” Hutch said with a playful half-smile.

“Ok…but call me if you need me.” He said as he lifted his jacket from the back of the chair where he had left it and tossed it onto his shoulder.

“Thanks Hug…I may just do that.” Hutch said as he positioned himself in the chair and propped his feet up on the edge of her bed… careful not to wake her.

Huggy slipped quietly out of the room as Hutch drifted off to sleep.

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Starsky awoke around 8 Am and glanced around his hospital room with half open eyelids. The sun had come up and the bright yellow glow that flooded the room caused him to squint as he tried to focus.

His pain had subsided and he felt much better than he had the day before. The constant drip of the antibiotic in his IV had been working on his body during the night as he slept. With his renewed sense of strength came the uncontrollable urge to take the elevator down to see her.

Their last encounter had left him with some unanswered questions. Now that the effects of the drug had time to wear off, she would be more receptive to him. It hurt like hell to have to walk away from her like he did. Although he knew it was for the best, nothing could stop the pain in his chest from rising into his throat.

If not for the pills given to him by the night duty nurse, he probably would have stayed up half the night worrying about her.

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Cassie groaned as she opened her eyes and focused them on the brightly colored wallpaper in her room. Circus bears and dancing clowns with funny looking hats paraded down the wall beside her bed. She turned her head to find Hutch snoring loudly in the chair next to her…one foot propped up on the mattress and the other one cocked to one side and resting on the
floor.

He looked uncomfortable but she didn’t wake him. She could tell from his appearance that he had been up for hours and needed whatever sleep he could get. She just lay there in silence as she thought about how much her life had changed during the past few days. No longer a virgin…she had always thought that the experience would suddenly transform her into a woman. But all she felt was alone and ashamed.

She cried softly and quietly as she watched him sleep. He was so strong and yet so sweet…always there for her when Starsky wasn’t around. She wondered how different sex must be with someone like that. Not Hutch…but someone gentle and loving. All she knew was the torture and pain of the violence that had been unleashed upon her. How could such a horrible experience transform itself into something beautiful?

She decided at that very moment that she never wanted to be touched that way again.  The mystery of sex that had once intrigued her…now made her ill at the very thought. To her it was a vile and demeaning act of abuse…and she wanted no part of it.

She lost herself in her thoughts and emotions as she kept her eyes on his face. What would they think of her now? No longer innocent and pure…now she was tainted and dirty. She didn’t notice the slight movement of the door, as it was pushed open…and the dark figure of a man as he stood at the end of her bed watching her.

“Cassie…you Ok?” Starsky asked in a whisper as he caught a glimpse of a tear as it rolled down her face.

“Davey?” She asked as she turned her head slowly to look at him.

“I’m sorry honey.” He said softly as he looked at her. “God…I’m so sorry.”

She stared at him for a moment before speaking again.

“What are you talking about?” She asked him as the memory of his face and his words that night surfaced in her mind.

(Why was he apologizing to her?)

(If his presence there had only been a figment of her imagination…where was this coming from?)

He moved closer to her in between the wall and the bed so as not to disturb Hutch as he spoke again.

“It was all my fault Cas. I could have prevented it. I could have found a way to stop them…but I didn’t.” He said as he moved closer to her.

She grew more and more terrified as he drew near. His words were frightening and they made her tremble. His voice was soft but the sound of it echoed in her head as the night of the rape played over in her mind suddenly.

“DON’T TOUCH ME!” She yelled at him as she grabbed the blanket and curled herself up into a small ball on the bed.

Hutch woke to the sound of the fear in her voice. He glanced up quickly to see his partner putting his hands up in the air in a non-threatening manner… a stunned look on his face.

“Cassie…what’s the matter?” He asked with his hands raised.

“Just don’t touch me…ok.” She said a little calmer.

“Ok…I promise. I won’t touch you.” Starsky told her as he lowered his hands slowly. “Just take it easy.”

“Cassie…it’s alright…you know we won’t hurt you.” Hutch said with a soft voice. “I know you’re frightened…but you’re safe now.”

“Hutch…” She said with tear-filled eyes as she grabbed him around the neck and hugged him tightly. “I’m scared…I don’t know what to do.”

Starsky couldn’t understand what was going on. If she was so afraid of his touch…how could she allow Hutch to hold her?

(It didn’t make any sense. What had he done?)

(Did she blame him as much as he blamed himself?)

All he could do was wait…for her to need him again. It took every ounce of strength he had not to pull her away from Hutch and grab her by the arms screaming.

(I LOVE YOU DAMN IT…WHY CAN”T YOU SEE THAT!)

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  chapter 17
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