‘The Cat & The Bear’ – By Stephanie White

Ken Hutchinson leaned forward on his elbows and looked at the pretty blonde across the table from him. His eyes were wide with amazement.

“You mean you actually set fire to your high school chemistry lab?”

Her green eyes glinted with amusement. “Yep. The teacher told us not to heat ether over an open flame. Naturally, I had to see what would happen.”

“Naturally. So you did it.”

“Yeah. You should have seen the explosion, too! It was a good thing I was wearing goggles. It ignited my lab book and my partner’s and then the rest of the lab tables just went like dominos. Once my suspension ended, I found out I had been transferred from chemistry to biology.”

“So that’s how you got your name?”

“After that, the kids took to calling me Smokey Bear. It just kind of stuck. Especially after I was asked to light that year’s spirit rally bonfire. As soon as I was 18, I changed my name legally.”

“Do you still light fires?” Hutch asked cautiously.

“Yes,” she arched an eyebrow evilly. Then she chuckled. “Okay, only in fireplaces or barbeque grills.”

“If you don’t mind my asking, what was your name?”

She shrugged. “Mary Smith. I’d like to think I’m a bit more of an original than that.”

“Oh yes. Definitely more original.”

“By the way, how’s your partner doing? Is he out of the hospital yet?”

Hutch smiled, touched by her concern. “Not yet. They’re estimating he can probably get out in another couple of days or so.”

“You know, I’d love to meet him. The way you’ve been talking about him, he’s either a saint or some kind of deity.”

Hutch laughed. “Starsky? A saint? Hardly. He’s more devil than anything.”

“Yeah, but he’s your devil, right?”

“He is my best friend. I guess if he can put up with me there probably is a lot of the saint in him too.”

“I know what you mean. You have been pretty tough to take.” She winked at him.

Hutch grinned at her.

Hutch and Smokey sat in the restaurant talking well into the evening. When they noticed the waiters standing around staring at them, they realized it was probably pretty close to closing time. Hutch paid the check and then drove Smokey home.

* * * * * * * * * * * * *

The tired LTD pulled up in front of a small ranch-style house that was more or less in the middle of nowhere. Hutch looked around at the desert landscape.

“Now I see why you asked me to pick you up at work. You actually live all the way out here by yourself?”

“Well, Pippa lives with me.”

“Pippa?”

“My cat. Tiger striped beauty, she is.”

“I like cats.” Hutch said quietly. “I’d love to meet her sometime.”

Smokey smiled at him. “I’d ask you in to meet her, but she doesn’t take too kindly to strangers. The circumstances have to be just so if you’re going to meet her.”

“Maybe some other time, then?” asked Hutch hopefully.

She leaned over in the car and kissed him. “Definitely.” She sighed when she came up for air.

As soon as Hutch could see straight again, a thought struck him. “Do you need a ride to work tomorrow? I can’t imagine that your car drove itself home tonight.”

“Thanks,” she said with the smile that had first gotten his attention at the airport. “But I knew you’d be picking me up there, so I had one of my co-workers pick me up this morning. My car is still in the garage.” She gestured to the attached two-car garage on the right side of her house.

As she started to get out of the car, she turned back for a minute. “I don’t suppose you could get hold of a tuxedo?”

Hutch nodded. “How much of a warning are we talking about here?”

“Friday night. The zoo is having a fundraiser and as one of the head zookeepers, I’m expected to be there.”

“What time do you need me to pick you up?”

“The thing starts at six. There’s a cocktail hour, then dinner with speeches and then dancing. It has potential to be a truly dull evening.”

Hutch chuckled. “I’ll be here at five thirty.”

She grinned, and then looked thoughtful. “If you come at five, I’ll be able to introduce you to Pippa.”

“Okay! See you at five on Friday!”

She leaned back into the car for one more brief kiss and then ran up the front walk and disappeared into the front door. Hutch came down from cloud 9 long enough to get his car started (okay, trying to start his car was actually what brought him off of cloud 9) and point it towards Venice Place.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

“Man, Starsk, she is something else!” Hutch was saying to his partner the next day.

David Starsky smiled from the hospital bed that had been his home since he had been rescued from the pile of rubble where Metro’s cafeteria used to be. A bomb had exploded, scaring the hell out of Hutch and burying Starsky alive. He had been going stir crazy for the past several days. Hutch’s visits were the only thing keeping him sane.

“So when am I gonna meet this chick who’s something else?”

“Whenever you feel like it. She actually asked to meet you, too.”

“Nice to see her showing signs of good taste.”

“Funny, Starsk.”

“So, you gonna tell me the story behind her name?”

“Apparently, she sort of set fire to her high school chemistry lab.”

Starsky’s violet-blue eyes widened as Hutch told the story – the lopsided grin growing with every sentence his partner spoke.

“You’re right partner, she does sound like something else!”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” came a very feminine voice from the door.

Hutch turned around, “Smokey! What are you doing here?”

“I called your office. I was going to ask you to lunch and they said you were here.”

Hutch grinned rather ruefully. “Yeah, I usually spend lunchtime here.”

Hutch was suddenly aware of someone behind him who was either trying to a) dislodge one helluva hairball or b) get his attention. Hutch started guiltily. He put his arm around Smokey’s shoulders and steered her over to his partner’s bed.

“Starsky, this is Smokey Bear. Smokey, this is my partner, David Starsky.”

She stepped forward and extended a paper bag. She looked at her right hand as though it had just arrived from Mars, switched the bag to her left hand and shook Starsky’s proffered hand.

“Have you guys eaten yet? I brought some sandwiches and stuff.”

Starsky perked up at the mention of food. “Real food? I had lunch, but that’s hospital food – that don’t count.”

“I hope you guys like deli. There’s a great little place just around the corner from the hospital.”

“If you got a corned beef sandwich in there, I’ll marry you.” Said Starsky, eyeing the bag.

“I’ll settle for a long engagement. You like pastrami?”

Hutch laughed. “You got lucky there, Starsk. I’d have to hurt you if you tried to marry her.”

Starsky grinned and took the pastrami.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Later, as Hutch was walking Smokey back to her car, he decided he couldn’t take the suspense any longer.

“Well, what do you think? Devil or saint?”

She got a thoughtful expression on her face for an instant. “You were right, I think. He’s a bit of both. Either way, I could tell the two of you belong together. You were the perfect Jewish mother fussing over him and he was the perfect concerned dad checking out his son’s new girlfriend.”

Hutch laughed at the comparison. “He’s the Jewish one. And don’t you think it’s a little odd for me to have a father who’s nearly a year younger than me?”

“Stranger things have happened.”

“Like what?”

“Have you ever heard the song ‘I’m My Own Grandpa’?”

Hutch chuckled. “Nope. Probably don’t want to either.”

“Well, here’s my car,” she said as they walked up to a beat-up old Mercedes. It was a dark blue that had long since worn out its shine. There were minor rust spots, dents and dings throughout the body.

Hutch suddenly felt really good about his own car. “Now I see why you didn’t run screaming from my car.”

She smiled sheepishly and shrugged. “Yeah, well, I got it used. Very used, as a matter of fact. It was cheap though, and I still get the prestige of being able to say I drive a Mercedes.”

Hutch grinned and started to say something, when he suddenly found his mouth otherwise occupied. He decided words weren’t all that necessary at the moment as he slipped his arms around her waist.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Friday at five o’clock, Hutch pulled the Torino up into Smokey’s driveway. He hoped Starsky wouldn’t worry too much about his precious car because it was his idea for Hutch to take it.

* Flashback *

“Come on, Hutch. It’s a fundraiser! You gotta look good. You pull into the parking lot in that junk heap you call a car, and they’ll think you’re the ones needin’ charity.”

“Alright Starsk, if you’re sure. I’ll take the Torino. Don’t worry, I’ll be good to it.”

“I know you will, Blintz. Remember, I’ll be lookin’ for scratches later.”

Hutch rolled his eyes and walked out of his partner’s room.

*End Flashback *

Hutch looked in the rearview mirror and straightened his tie. He grabbed the roses from the passenger seat and headed up to the front door. As he rang the doorbell, he heard what sounded like a lion roaring.

‘She must be watching a nature show on TV.’ Hutch thought to himself.

The door opened and Hutch’s jaw dropped.

Smokey was spectacular in a green silk and satin dress that highlighted her eyes and accented every curve. It had spaghetti straps with a low, scoop neckline and a long slit up the front (which was actually there so that she could walk in the dress without falling over, but aesthetically made an entirely different statement.). Of course, that wasn’t actually why Hutch dropped his jaw. It probably had a little something to do with the full-grown Bengal tiger standing next to her.

“Uh…” was all Hutch could think of to say at that moment. So he said it again. “Uh…”

“I told you the circumstances had to be just right before you met Pippa.”

“You just said it was a cat!”

“Tigers are cats. I did say she was a tiger striped beauty.”

“I figured you meant a tabby cat. Not a…”

“Bengal tiger? Don’t worry, she’s tame…sort of.”

“Sort of tamed?” Hutch’s eyes popped.

“Well, you can never completely tame a wild animal. She was a circus cat. The circus had her declawed and her eyeteeth blunted. When they were ready to get rid of her, they couldn’t put her back in the wild and she couldn’t be put in with the other tigers in the zoo ‘cause they’d rip her to shreds.”

“So you took her on as a pet?” Hutch was incredulous.

“It was either that or have her put down. She’s only four.”

“Oh.” Hutch was no longer sure of what he was getting himself into.

“So, would you like to meet officially?”

“Uh…”

She pulled up on the leash and Pippa sat down. “Pippa, this is Hutch. Hutch, this is Pippa. Would you like to pet her?”

“Could I? I mean, would she let me?”

“Of course. Let’s go into the house, though.” She turned and tugged the leash. “Pippa come!”

Pippa stood up and walked next to her as she headed back into the house. Hutch followed at a discreet distance, his respect for Smokey growing with every second. Smokey made Pippa lay down next to the sofa. Then she gestured to the flowers Hutch was holding.

“Are those for me?”

“Huh? Oh, yes.” He handed the roses to her and looked again at the large cat by her feet.

“You might want to come with me while I put these in water. Especially with your hands like that.”

Hutch looked down at his hands. He didn’t realize that as the cat made him more and more nervous, he had been squeezing the roses harder and harder. His concern about being eaten by the large feline had made him unaware of the thorns digging into his fingers.

“She never developed the taste for human blood. I really don’t think she needs to get it now, do you?”

“No!” Hutch agreed vehemently. “Especially mine!”

She laughed. “Wash your hands. Then you can pet her.”

Hutch washed his hands carefully. He made sure there was not the slightest trace of blood anywhere near his hands (okay, inside his hands was the exception). Once he was certain, he looked at Smokey and nodded.

They went back out to the living room where Pippa was studiously cleaning her paws. Hutch almost laughed at the housecat-like movements, but then changed his mind. He wasn’t sure how the orange and black cat would react to his laughing at her.

Finally, after his hands were clean and Smokey was holding the leash tightly, he was ready to actually touch the beautiful animal. He carefully reached his hand out and stroked gently from the back of her ears down her back almost to the base of her tail. The fur was remarkably soft and, because she didn’t do anything violent at his first touch, he stroked her again.

Smokey was watching them carefully. She was truly surprised that Pippa didn’t seem as put off by Hutch as she had been by some of her other male friends. As a matter of fact, she seemed to be quite content to let him go on petting her all night.

“You know, I think she likes you – which is pretty amazing. She doesn’t usually take to people this quickly.”

“Well, I am such a great guy,” Hutch said with a wink and a grin.

“You are that.” Agreed Smokey. “By the way, would you mind her in your car? It’s just that the zoo likes me to bring her to these fundraisers. It’s one thing for the contributors to pet the occasional possum or ferret, but a tiger really brings the wallets out.”

“Sure…oh, wait. My partner loaned me his car tonight. He thought it would look better at a fundraiser than my ‘old tub’ as calls it.”

“Would he mind her in his car?”

“She is declawed, right?” When Smokey nodded, he continued. “Okay. I just know it would be easier to explain cat hair in the back seat than a shredded back seat.”

Smokey grinned and stood up, bringing Pippa up to a standing position as well. “Shall we go?”

Hutch nodded and led the way out to the Torino. The Striped Tomato suitably impressed Smokey as she guided Pippa into the backseat. Hutch then handed his date into the passenger seat and shut the door before making his way around to the drivers side. He had just started the car when Smokey opened the door and jumped out.

“I forgot something. I’ll just be a minute.”

Before Hutch could protest, he was alone in the car with a 300 lb cat. He gingerly turned around in his seat to see two golden eyes staring at him. He resisted the insane urge to giggle at this unbelievable situation. Pippa gave a low, rumbling growl and settled down onto the seat. Hutch kept his eyes fixed on the cat taking up the entire back seat of the car. As a result, he jumped a mile when Smokey got back into the car. She had a six-foot leather whip with a shoelace tied to the end in her hand.

Hutch looked at her. “You left me alone in the car with her! Do you really not like me or what?”

“I watched her carefully in the house. I knew she liked you and wouldn’t hurt you. You seemed to know the ‘show no fear’ rule, so I saw no harm in it. Besides, I forgot the whip.”

“You didn’t seem to need the whip in the house. Why bother with it now?”

“That was a very controlled environment. It was my house and it was just you and me. With no distractions like that, she’s fine. In a crowd of rich idiots who will probably freak if she growls too loudly, the whip comes in very handy.”

“Why’s it got a shoelace attached to the end?”

“For the most part, the sound of the whip crack is enough. Sometimes, though, she needs a physical reminder. The shoelace stings, but it doesn’t really hurt her the way a regular leather whip would.”

“Ah…” Hutch said as though she had just answered the ultimate question of life, the universe and everything with a more profound answer than ‘42’ (see the book, ‘Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy’ by Douglas Adams). He put the car in gear and headed for the zoo.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

They arrived at the zoo about a quarter to six and Hutch pulled up to the valet parking station. One of the valets opened the door for Smokey and then staggered back as though the door handle had just bitten him. The other valets looked at him curiously until they saw the lady and the tiger. They gathered behind their little podium in abject terror. When Hutch got out of the Torino, the valets looked at him in awe.

Hutch regarded their attentions. ‘I am a lucky bastard, aren’t I?’ he thought to himself, reading their thoughts about him. ‘Beautiful woman, large, respect-garnering cat, both of whom seem to be rather fond of me – yes, I am a lucky bastard.’

Once Hutch, Smokey and Pippa moved past the valets stand, the valet that had originally opened the door for Smokey timidly offered the parking ticket to Hutch who told him the key was in the car and to please not scratch the paint.

As soon as they were out of earshot, Hutch and Smokey broke into gales of laughter.

“Did you see their faces?”

“It’s a zoo! You’d think they’d never seen a tiger before!”

Smokey wiped her eyes. “Okay, so most tigers at zoos are in cages…”

“And there usually is a fence around the cages.” Hutch finished the thought.

They looked at each other and broke out laughing again.

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Hutch stifled a yawn and reflected that Smokey had been right when she said it had the potential to be a truly dull evening. If he heard one more speech about the plight of the Emperor Penguin, he was going to start shooting the orators.

Smokey leaned in and whispered in his ear. “You really are being a good sport about this. I’ll have to come up with something good to make it up to you.”

“What did you have in mind?” he whispered back, suddenly aware of her nibbling his ear. “I…ah …I think you could be onto something there.”

“Really?” Her lips made their way down his neck. “How ‘bout here?”

“Oh yeah…” Hutch breathed. He was suddenly aware that she had stopped her ministrations. He turned around to look at her.

She winked at him. “I have to go get Pippa for the next part of this thing. They start asking for donations and I bring the tiger out for people to see up close. Don’t worry, I’ll remember where I left off.”

Hutch grinned as he watched her make her way to the side room where Pippa was safely ensconced with about ten pounds of steak (just a little snack for her). Just as Smokey disappeared through the door, all hell broke loose.

One of the ‘waiters’ in the room suddenly pulled an automatic weapon out from under a dish dome. He fired a couple of shots in the air to get people’s attention.

“Okay people! This is a pure and simple robbery. My people will be milling about with sacks and I want you to put your valuables into the sacks. The gentlemen with checkbooks will still be making donations…to us! You will each make out a check to cash and sign it. We will be filling in the amounts later. If you try to stop payment on the check - and I know some of you will, just remember that your address is on the check. We’ll find you. I’m afraid though, that your donations will not be tax deductible.”

Hutch watched the man with eyes narrowed. He was too far away from him to be able to do anything without anyone else possibly getting hurt. He looked around at the three people milling around the tables. They were also dressed as wait staff and each carried a trash bag and a handgun. Then Hutch realized that he recognized one of them – he and Starsky had arrested the guy for armed robbery several months previously. He prayed the guy wouldn’t identify him as a cop. No telling what they would do if they knew there was a cop in the crowd.

He thought he saw movement from the side of the room. Smokey! He had forgotten for a moment that she had left the room entirely and probably didn’t know what she was walking back into. Unfortunately, the gang leader also saw the movement. He pointed the gun at the door and pulled back the hammer. Hutch kept his eyes riveted on the man. He knew that he’d never be able to pull his gun and fire it in less time than it would take the guy to fire his weapon. He prayed Smokey wouldn’t spook him.

“Welcome to the party, miss. Would you please take your seat? It appears that you left your purse by your chair. We’ll want you to empty it into one of our sacks.”

She looked at Hutch. He nodded imperceptibly. She seemed to throw something back into the room and moved back to the table. He noticed that she didn’t shut the door to the room completely. He smiled slightly, knowing what she had planned and hoping that Pippa had the same plan.

As she approached the table, the perp that Hutch recognized finally placed him.

“Dammit! It’s a cop! He and his partner arrested me and Tony a coupla months ago.”

“A cop, huh? On second thought, miss? Could you come here please? I wouldn’t want this cop to think that he could get away with doing anything stupid.”

She briefly squeezed Hutch’s hand and then moved over to the man, who promptly grabbed her around the waist and held the gun to her chest. She met Hutch’s eyes and gave him a look that simply said, ‘here we go again!’

Hutch shook his head and she understood. She may be a black belt, but there were too many other lives at stake for her to do anything to this guy yet. She waited and played the scared hostage until the other three robbers were huddled together in one place at the head of the room, then she whistled loudly.

“What the hell was that for? No tricks lady!”

“I was just calling my roommate out of the back room. I’m sure you’d be interested in what she could give to your friends over there.”

“The more the merrier!”

Hutch saw Pippa moving silently out of the back room. She looked at him and he could almost hear her asking ‘okay, which ones are mine?’ He pointed towards the front of the room and surprisingly, the big cat seemed to understand. She began slinking towards the three with guns. Hutch prayed that none of the guests would freak out at the tiger moving among them…at least, he hoped if they had to, they would freak QUIETLY.

“So, where’s your roommate? It can’t take her that long to get out of the back room.”

Smokey looked around the room until she spotted a slight movement between a couple of tables.

“Well, doorknobs are a real problem for her – no opposable thumb and all.”

“What the hell do you mean by that?”

“Just this…” and she whistled loudly again. Suddenly, there was a terrible roar, a flash of orange, and all three of the leader’s henchmen were abruptly thrown to the floor underneath a very large, very angry cat.

They screamed as their guns went flying and they went down hard in a heap under the force of the attack. Hutch grabbed the whip from under Smokey’s chair and moved forward towards the tangle of flesh and fur that had recently been easily discernable as three gunmen and a tiger. He knew that Pippa couldn’t do much to them – what with no claws and blunt teeth, but he also knew that what little she WAS able to do would probably leave a mark.

“Hold it, cop! I still got your girlfriend! Call the cat off.”

Hutch gave Smokey a look that said, ‘okay, now you can hurt him’. She reached up, grabbed the hand with the gun and twisted him around until he was on his knees screaming in pain.

Hutch looked at her and called across the room, “I just love it when you do stuff like that, you know that?”

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Hutch and Smokey were still laughing as the Torino pulled up into her driveway.

“Did you see their faces just before they hit the ground? And I thought the valets were funny!”

“It’s a zoo! You’d think they’d…”

“…have seen a tiger before!” Hutch finished the thought and they both started laughing again.

Hutch reached back and scratched Pippa behind the ears. A low rumble issued from her throat. Hutch pulled his hand back abruptly.

“What’s wrong?”

“Wrong? She just growled at me! I rather like my hands where they are on the end of my arms.”

“She wasn’t growling! She was purring! Try it again.”

Hutch looked at her skeptically. “Are you sure? Or are you just worried about wandering hands?”

“Trust me,” she said with a sly smile. “I’ve got better plans for those gorgeous hands than to use them as cat food.”

“Really? Like what?”

“Why don’t you come in and I’ll tell you.”

“I don’t know…she’s not the jealous type, is she?”

“Relax, she does have a pen where I can lock her up for the night. So why don’t you come in for coffee or something?”

“Coffee?”

“A nightcap?” She leaned over and kissed him. When they separated, she said, “breakfast?”

Hutch smiled as he got out of the car and went around to open her door for her. “Breakfast sounds nice.”

*Author’s note: As this is a PG rated story, the rest of the evening is left to the reader’s imagination. Thank you and have a nice day. *

* * * * * * * * * * * * * * *

The next morning, Starsky was sitting in the wheelchair waiting for Hutch to come pick him up. He had heard about the attempted robbery at the zoo’s fundraiser and wondered exactly what happened. Eyewitness accounts on the news were garbled at best. People seemed to think that an escaped tiger caught the bad guys. Since the press conference at the zoo wasn’t scheduled to begin until later that afternoon, the reports weren’t going to get any clearer for a while. Starsky hoped Hutch would give him the real story on the ride home. Starsky shook his head and turned off the television. He sighed and looked at his watch again. Suddenly, the door opened. Starsky turned his head to reveal…Huggy Bear?

“Huggy? What are you doin’ here? Where’s Hutch?”

“I’m here to take you home. Hutch said somethin’ ‘bout needing to get cat hair off the Torino’s back seat.”

“Cat hair!” Starsky exclaimed rather loudly. “How the hell does he get cat hair in my car?”

Hutch chose that moment to poke his head in. “It’s really kind of a funny story, Starsk.”

“Why aren’t you cleanin’ my car?”

“Relax, Babe! I took it to Merle’s. I’m having him completely clean the upholstery. She’ll be good as new when you get her back.”

“Okay, so what’s the funny story?”

Hutch grabbed the back of the wheelchair, pushed it out of the room and down the hall. Huggy followed with Starsky’s suitcase.

“I’ll just have to show you.”

As they got down to the parking lot, Smokey was standing next to Hutch’s car.

“Hey Hutch? If you got your car here, why can’t you take me home?”

“Well Babe, the back seat’s kind of occupied.”

“Smokey can’t take up that much room. Even if you put me in the back seat, I don’t take up that much room.”

“True, Starsk – but Pippa does.”

“Pippa?”

Hutch gave a thumb’s up sign to Smokey, who went around and opened the back door of the LTD. She reached in and pulled out a leash. The leash was attached to a rather large tiger-striped cat.

“Uh…”

“I know, Starsk. That’s just what I said the first time I saw her.”

“That’s Pippa?” Starsky squeaked. “You got a tiger in your back seat?”

“Yeah. She’s a great cat. You really ought to meet her. I could introduce you.”

“Uh…thanks, Blondie, but no thanks. I’m just getting out of the hospital, I don’t want to go back into the hospital quite this quick.”

Hutch laughed and turned the wheelchair over to Huggy.

“I’m just going to take Smokey and Pippa home. I’ll be at your place by lunchtime. Anything specific you want me to pick up?”

Starsky was still staring wide-eyed at the tiger. “Uh…”

“I’ll pick up stuff from that deli, how ‘bout that?”

“Uh…”

“Starsk? It’s okay. She’s an overgrown housecat. You sure you don’t want to meet her?”

“I’m sure she is just a tabby with a glandular problem, but I don’t think I want to meet her while I’m in this condition.” He gestured to his broken leg. “I want to be able to run if I need to.”

“Trust me Starsk, she only attacks the bad guys.”

The light dawned on Starsky. “You mean that’s the tiger that saved the fundraiser last night?”

“That’s exactly what I mean.”

“I can’t wait to hear this story!”

Starsky watched as Smokey knelt down and put an arm around the cat. He was simply amazed.

“You were right, Hutch.”

“What do you mean?”

“She is somethin’ else!”

End.

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