Fire and Rain
by Lutra Cana
(08/01/2000)
Sirio's cowering under the bed. I imagine you'd like to join him, wouldn't you? Instead, here you sit with me on the back porch, watching the light show in the sky. I glance over to look at you as the clouds light up and smile to myself at the awe that crosses your face. At the reflection of the lightning on your blond head and how you flinch at the thunder.
My big, brave partner. Scared of a little noise. But even you'd have to admit how magical it is. How frighteningly beautiful. All that heat and glory. Kinda like you and me.
I guess we'll find out tonight if the lightning rod works. That was rather fun, now that I look back on it. The two of us hanging off the edge of the house, trying to get that last clamp into the chimney. You down the ladder, holding the rod steady. Me up on the roof, hanging on for dear life. Threatening you with bodily harm if I fell off or got hit by lightning. You down there, laughing at me. How come I'm always the one clinging to roofs? Me - the one who's afraid of heights. And how come you're always the one down at the bottom? The one who's not afraid of them. Huh?
The wind has picked up a bit. The feather bush in Mrs. Walker's yard is thrashing its leaves around. For a little tree, it sure knows how to be dramatic. Of course, maybe it's nervous. After all, the old sycamore met a rather dramatic death of its own during the last thunderstorm. Which is why you insisted on putting up that lightning rod.
I rather like thunderstorms. Even if the power does go out and poor little Sirio whimpers under the bed. There's something so alive, so - I don't know - electrifying, if you'll pardon the pun - about thunderstorms. The trees seem to hold their breaths in between thunderbolts. And the way the air smells of ozone when a bolt of lightning strikes close makes me feel a little high.
But I especially like sitting here with you. Neither of us saying anything except for an occasional gasp at the lightning. Or the way you say "Oh, shit" under your breath when the thunder seems to boom right overhead. Just the two of us, with only the little table between us, side-by-side, watching the sky. Our drinks growing warm at our elbows and the heated dark wrapped around us like a soft blanket.
Sometimes, when the lightning is really bad, you'll reach over and grab my hand. I don't know if it's comfort or reassurance that I'm here that you need, but I like it either way. Knowing that you need me like an anchor is sexy somehow.
The storm rumbles and bangs through the mountains, the lightning flashing from one cloud to another. I know you worry about wildfires and all that, but I can't let myself do the same. I need the illusion of safety, of this house being our sanctuary. If it happens, it happens. I just can't give in to the worry. Besides, you're better at it.
Do you remember the first thunderstorm we spent together? The night we discovered our own kind of lightning? God, I never thought I'd love anyone as much as I loved you that night. Never thought I'd love anyone the way I love you right this very minute. And I never thought anyone would love me the way you do. Ever since that night all that time ago, I feel as if I'm in the middle of a thundercloud. Not the noise but the fire. The burning fire that runs though my body whenever we touch in passion. The warming fire that feeds my soul when we simply hold on to each other.
Oh, Lord! That was a loud one. I can feel the boards of the porch floor vibrating with the aftershock. Or is that you? You're clutching my hand as if you're afraid I'm going to disappear in a puff of smoke or something. Looking over at you, I see that your eyes are squeezed tight and your lips are moving. Are you praying? You must be scared. I've only ever seen you do that once and that was the time I was poisoned. After I killed Bellamy and you were rushing me back to the hospital. I was pretty much out of it by then, but I remember waking up enough to know where I was.
I don't remember the time I was shot and died, although I know what happened because people have told me. But I do remember that night when we thought our last hope was lying dead on that rooftop and the remainder of my life was being measured out in minutes - seconds. I remember looking over at you, my eyes blurry and my heart growing slow in my chest. You were hunched over the steering wheel of my car, with your pale hair shining and your eyes looking strange in the light that wavered around you. I remember thinking to myself that you looked like an angel in that soft, fading light. Your lips were moving and I could make out only a word or two, but it was enough to know that you were promising somebody everything you had if they'd just spare me. You turned to me - I guess I moaned or something - and you smiled that brave, sad smile. I knew your heart was breaking as surely as mine was dying, and I wanted so badly to reach out and gather you to me. But I'd long since lost any control over my arms. I could barely smile at you, but I put every bit of love I could into it. So afraid that smile was going to be the last thing I ever gave you.
And now, here we are. Years older. Years wiser. Loving each other as hard as we can because we, better than anyone, know that love is all that counts. That it's the most precious of things in the world and if you have it, you'd better hang on with both hands.
The rain is coming now; I can hear the faint roar as it sweeps down the mountain slope above us. Standing, I pull you to your feet. The power went off a while ago, like it usually does in a storm, and the only light out here is the glow from the city below and whatever flashes across the sky. But it's enough to trace the planes of your face with my eyes. To see your soul shining in those beautiful, blue eyes that love me.
For a brief moment, as the lightning flares overhead and the air vibrates with the crashing of the thunder, I hold you tightly in my arms. I feel the hair on my arms rise as the very air is electrified and the world trembles in reverence of the storm's power. Or maybe at the power of our love.
You rest your head on my shoulder, your mouth next to my ear, and whisper something. I can't hear it with my ears anymore as the thunder has deafened me, but I can hear it in my skin, in my heart. "I love you, babe. I love you." And I hold on to you, feeling you sink into my bones.
The rain hits, and laughing we pull apart. You head for the door, hanging on to my hand. Push me though that door and slam it shut behind us, closing out the fury of the thunderstorm. It's dim inside the house, the only light the few candles we lit before we went outside. The kitchen has turned magical in the faint light. The flames glint off of the wineglasses hanging upside down from the rack over the counter. Sparkle in the stained glass decorating the china cabinet doors, and waver in the polished surface of the appliances.
I watch you as you blow out most of the candles. Watch those beautiful lips purse, then the brief flare of light cast on your face as the flame goes out. Magic. And I tremble inside, remembering the times you've done something very similar to me with those talented lips. Smiling that wicked little smile that you know makes me nuts, you pick up the last lit candle and beckon me to follow you. As if there were ever any doubt that I'd follow you anywhere. To hell, if you asked me.
But tonight, it's only to the bedroom as it's late and tomorrow is, as they say, another day. In this room where you and I sleep, there are more candles lit against the dark. Large candles in covered holders that you found somewhere and brought home for me. The air in here is redolent of beeswax and the faint scents of past loving. With a slight undertone of dog. Sirio is still under the bed. But we'll leave him there because he's afraid, poor puppy, and neither of us have the heart to toss him out.
Besides, he's been there before when we've made love and survived the experience. Even the times I didn't think I'd survive it.
We cleaned up earlier, knowing the storm was coming. Showered together in the oversized tub we fell in love with when we first looked at this place. I remember you looking at me behind the real estate lady's back and winking when you saw that tub. She, dear thing, had no idea what she was creating when she showed us this house. But we raise a glass in her honor every year when we celebrate the buying of our home.
Showering with you is always an experience to be cherished. Even tonight, although we didn't linger as we usually do, was sublime. You like that word? I know you always kid me about some of the words I come up with, but this one, I think, suits you right down to the ground. And I like using those fancy words when we're in bed together and I whisper one of them to you at just the right moment. The way you laugh deep in your throat, especially if you're holding me there at the moment, sends waves of delight through me. Besides, I like astounding you once in a while.
Tonight, in the shower, you were so gentle. Sometimes you act almost shy with me, as if it were our first time instead of our thousandth or however many it is by now. Touching me with something approaching reverence, caressing my body as if it’s made of fine silk instead of flesh and bone. Rubbing soap onto my skin, making me all slick. Holding me against you and whispering my name while you take me in your skillful hand. Make love to me with your hands gentle on me and your voice soft in my ear. We came together, even though I was hardly touching you. That always surprises me, how you can be loving me so much that one simple touch from me makes you come. I feel honored and humbled by that every time.
And now, here we stand. Hours later and the longing is still there. Always there. Naked in the candlelight, we simply look at each other as the lightning burns outside our windows and the house reverberates with the thunder. The rain is dancing against the skylight above our bed, lending us its music. The electricity in the air has me excited, wanting you. I want to feel you around me as you tremble and the world howls in synch with your screams. Need to feel you as the lightning lights up the room and the very air is charged by our loving.
Sometimes my desire for you makes me feel insane. The need to possess you runs through my blood like a thousand-watt current, scorching my very soul with the fire of that need.
Tonight is one of those nights.
You have that "deer in the headlights" look in your eyes. The one where you know I'm about to go wild on you and you don't know whether to flee or to match the animal in me. Either way is fine. The beast is equally as thrilled by the chase as it is pleasured by the fight.
You reach for me, your eyes turning dark and feral in the candlelight. Fight then. I feel a growl surge up from deep inside of me as I reach in turn for you. I pull you to me, mouth to mouth, flinging myself against your heat, and feel a surge of power in my veins.
Hands grip shoulders, fingers clench hair, lips devour hot skin. We come together like two thunderheads, roaring and clashing against each other, creating fire in the darkness.
The thunder outside our house seems to be competing with the storm in this room as we fall onto the bed and each strive for dominance. I want you so badly tonight. I need to feel myself in you. Feel myself take possession of you, and make you beg me to let you die from the pleasure I'm giving you.
You're on top of me, straddling me with your strong thighs and laughing as you take me in your mouth. It's not what I want and it's everything I need as you run your tongue up the length of my cock and kiss the very tip. Making me moan and thrash under you. You swallow me, the sensation almost driving me out of my mind. Settling down, you hold me with your hands so I can't fight you and take your time. Lord, what you can't do with that skillful mouth of yours. Taking me almost to the brink of climax, then backing carefully away, dragging me with you. Back and forth, we struggle. Me trying to hang on to one last shred of my sanity. You trying to rip it from me.
I can hear myself screaming your name, feel my fists hitting the bed in time to your clever mouth sucking on me. Then you release me, leaving me panting and whimpering as you climb up my body and take my mouth again. Thrusting your tongue into my mouth, I can taste myself on you and that only excites me more. As if I needed that to make me insane. You know what I need tonight. You've known it all along, but you needed to show that animal inside of me who the real beast is. And you've proved it so well.
You tip me over, pulling me onto my stomach and nuzzle between the cheeks of my ass. Making me beg you not to, as I want to be inside of you, not you inside of me. But you laugh against my skin, and I feel as if one of those lightning bolts has struck me between the eyes. Everything seems to short-circuit and I give myself over to you. Do with me whatever you want, whatever you can. I'm past caring. All I want now is for this to end so I can die in peace.
Taking your time, you push me over one crest simply to catch me before I crash and bear me upward again. Over and over. Until I'm a quivering mass lying in the middle of our big brass bed. You run your tongue over every inch of my skin. All of the outside and every inch you can reach inside. My mouth, my throat, my chest, my stomach, my back, my ass, my cock. Until I'm weeping with the need for release. But you won't release me.
Then you stop. Just like that. I try to learn what it means to live inside my body again. To breathe. To feel my heart beating in my chest. To know sound and sight.
The storm outside rages on. It seems to have gathered strength. The thunder shakes the very house; the lightning is almost continuous, illuminating this room and setting off sparks of light in your white-gold hair. The wind howls around the corners, and the rain dashes against the windows as if it's trying to gain entrance.
But that storm out there is nothing compared to the tempest in this room. I too have gathered strength from somewhere, and I surge up, surprising you with the sudden move. You collapse under me as I bear you down to the surface of the bed. It's my turn to laugh against you as I take you in my mouth and proceed to cherish you, as you deserve. My back is towards you, so you can't push me away. I sit on your chest and lean over you like a lion over its prey. I devour you, taking you into me as far as I can and still be able to breathe.
You taste like sunlight and dew. Like winter mornings and summer nights. The finest wine is nothing compared to you. I could feast on you forever and never need anything else. But my body knows better and I must soon complete our journey.
Releasing you from my mouth, I move off of your body and turn to see with my eyes what my heart already - always - knows. You're lying there, all gold and silver in the candle glow. All flash and glimmer in the lightning's flare. Your eyes have glazed over in rapture and you look as if you could come at the barest touch.
But not yet, my love. Not yet.
Lying beside you, not touching, I wait for you to come back to me. Use words instead of touches, calling you back. "Love. Partner mine. *Vida mia*. Beloved. *Mi querido*." I watch as your eyes refocus and you smile dreamily, reaching for me. Rolling on top of you, I kiss you hard and long, our tongues dancing together.
Pushing myself up, I stare into your eyes. You stare back, those pale, blue eyes gone dark with lust. I love it when you look like this. All wanton and wicked. Like a fallen angel, and I'm the one who pushed you from heaven. I lean down again and whisper in your ear, "I need you, babe. I want you."
I sit up again, resting on my knees so I don't hurt you. One of your hands is under the pillow, and you pull it out slowly. Open the clenched palm and offer me a token.
Taking the little tube, I move off of you so you can turn over. We position you so that your smooth, golden ass is at the right height. You look over your shoulder at me and lick your lips, telling me that you need me inside your mouth as well as below. I crawl up to kiss you. Slow, long, and deep. Promising you with my mouth what I plan to do with my cock. Panting, I release your mouth and crawl back down to position myself between your parted legs.
A brief moment of preparation as I stroke the slickness on me and then use the remainder on my fingers to open you. We've done this often enough that your muscles don't fight me; they've learned that the moment of pain is followed by long minutes of ecstasy and they welcome it. You sigh in pleasure and I can feel you relaxing around my fingers. I know that you're ready for me.
The fire is burning so hot inside of me that I have to take deep, cooling breaths before I enter you or I'll burst into flame and it will be over too quickly. I want to pass that fire on into you. Share it with you. Drive it into you. As I pause at the entrance to your body, trying to regain control, I hear you whisper my name. Begging me to hurry, to slide into you and give you all of me.
What can I do but obey?
Entering you is like coming home. Hot, close, embracing me with your body, I sink into you and know my own bliss. My own rapture as we move together in that perfect harmony we've always had. I want to take you slow and easy, but the fire inside me drives me forward. The moment I feel my scrotum slap against you, I'm lost. I lose all sense of self, of the last tiny piece of humanness in me, and I become part of the storm raging in the skies overhead.
With a shout that echoes against the walls, I take you hard. Aware of your answering shouts, the way your body trembles and quakes beneath and around me. Of the thunder vibrating through me and into you. Each thrust is like a thunderbolt, each withdrawal an agony of separation. I want to crawl inside of you and never come out. Become one with you for all eternity.
Together for all eternity. But eternity is over all too soon.
I lie collapsed upon your back, you stretched out beneath me. I can feel your sobbing breaths as you find your way back to your body, and I think, somewhere, that I hope you can find mine because I've lost it. You twitch under me, trying to turn us over. I slide out of you, whimpering at the separation. You complete your turn and gather me into your arms. Kiss my mouth, my cheeks, my eyes. Begging me to come back to you from wherever it is that my loving you has driven me.
We lie like that, wrapped around each other, as the storm outside quiets and the rain slackens. The lightning slowly fades away to nothing, and the thunder disappears into the distance. As the storm leaves, my sanity returns and I'm myself again. I take your face between my hands and kiss you gently; all passion spent and only love remaining. You smile that beautiful smile at me and kiss me back. A kiss so full of the promise of forever that I feel eternity stretch before us, unbroken by death.
Assured that I've returned from my journey into the core of the storm, you close your eyes and sleep. I lie here, watching you, and hear the words of a song in my head. A song you sang to me once - long ago. A song of fire and rain, love and promises made. Before we discovered our own kind of lightning and thunder, fire and storm. I close my eyes to join you in sleep. But before I slip away, I murmur your name against your cheek. Feel your smile against my skin as I listen to the song in my heart.
***