Giles: "Well, I've examined it. You can, uh, uh, skin it."
Miss Calendar: "Scan it. Rupert, that's 'scan' it."
Giles: "Miss Calendar, I'm sure your computer science class is fascinating. But I happen to believe one can survive in modern society without being enslaved to the idiot box."
Miss Calendar: "That's TV. The idiot box is TV. This is the good box."
Giles: "Well, I still prefer a good book."
Fritz: "The printed page is obsolete. Information isn't bound up anymore. It's an entity. The only reality is virtual. If you're not jacked in, you're not alive."
Miss Calendar: "Thank you, Fritz, for making us all sound like crazy people."
Miss Calendar: "You know, the last two years, more e-mail was sent than regular mail. More digitized information went across phone lines than conversations."
Giles: "That is a fact that I regard with genuine horror."
Willow: "Xander, you wanna' stay and help me?"
Xander: "You kidding?"
Willow: "Yes, it was a joke I made up."
Xander: "Willow, I love you, but bye!"
Giles: "I'll be back in the middle ages."
Miss Calendar: "Did you ever leave?"
Buffy: "Okay, you have a secret, and that's not allowed."
Willow: "Why not?"
Buffy: "'Cause...there's a rule."
Buffy: "You are a thing of evil for not telling me this right away."
Buffy: "So, you've been seeing a guy, but you don't know what he looks like. Okay, this is a puzzle. No, wait, I'm good at these. Does it involve a midget and a block of ice?"
Buffy: "What if you guys get really, really intense, and then you find out he has a hairy back?"
Willow: "Well, no, he doesn't talk like somebody who would have a hairy back."
Miss Calendar: "Will I be excited?"
Fritz: "You'll die."
Xander: "Guess who."
Willow: "Uh, Xander?"
Xander: "Yeah, but keep guessing anyway."
Willow: "Xander?"
Xander: "Oh, I can't fool you. You see right through my petty charade."
Xander: "You're going to be missing out. I'm planning to be witty. I'm going to make fun of all of the people who won't talk to me."
Willow: "That's nice. Have a good time!"
Buffy: "She certainly looks perky."
Xander: "Yeah. Color in the cheeks, bounce in the step. I don't like it. It's not healthy."
Buffy: "This guy could be anybody. He could be weird or crazy or old or...he could be a circus freak--he's probably a circus freak!"
Xander: "Yeah, I mean we read about it all the time. You know, people meet on the net, they talk, they get together, have dinner, a show...horrible axe murder."
Buffy: "Willow, axe murdered by a circus freak!"
Buffy: "We are totally overreacting!"
Xander: "But it's fun, isn't it?"
Willow: "You're having an expression."
Buffy: "He's boyfriendly?"
Buffy: "Hi there, Dave. Anybody home?"
Buffy: "Wow, I had knowledge!"
Giles: "Those boys aren't sparklingly normal as it is."
Giles: "Things involving the computer fill me with a childlike terror. Now, if it were a nice ogre or some such, I'd be more in my element."
Xander: "What, I can't have information sometimes?"
Giles: "It's just somewhat unprecedented."
Buffy: "My spider sense is tingling."
Giles: "Your...spider sense?"
Buffy: "Pop culture reference. Sorry."
Buffy: "Breaking in. Then this is a plan."
Xander: "I'm free tonight."
Buffy: "Tonight it is."
Giles: "A moment, please, of quiet reflection..."
Miss Calendar: "You're here again? You kids really dig the library, don't you?"
Buffy: "We're literary."
Xander: "To read makes our speaking English good."
Miss Calendar: "Well, I think you'll be very happy here, with your musty old books."
Giles: "These musty old books have a great deal more to say than any of your fabulous web pages."
Giles: "Well, it's been so nice talking to you."
Miss Calendar: "We were fighting."
Giles: "Must do it again sometime. Bye now."
Buffy: "Tell me the truth. How's my hair?"
Xander: "It's great. It's your best hair ever."
Giles: "Does this look familiar to either of you?"
Buffy: "Yeah, sure. It looks like a book."
Xander: "I knew that one."
Xander: "You released Moloch?"
Buffy: "Way to go!"
Buffy: "Okay, so a powerful demon with horns is walking around Sunnydale, and nobody's noticed?"
Giles: "The scanner read the book and brought Moloch out as information to be absorbed."
Buffy: "He's gone binary on us."
Xander: "Okay, for those of us in our studio audience who are me, you guys are saying that Moloch is in this computer?"
Buffy: "So much for 'delete file'."
Xander: "He's in a computer! What can he do?"
Buffy: "You mean besides convince a perfectly nice kid to try and kill me? I don't know. How 'bout mess up all the medical equipment in the world?"
Giles: "Randomize traffic signals."
Buffy: "Access launch codes for our nuclear missiles."
Giles: "Destroy the world's economy."
Buffy: "I think I pretty much capped it with that nuclear missile thing."
Giles: "Right, yours was best."
Xander: "Okay, he's a threat. I'm on board with that now."
Miss Calendar: "Wrong and wrong, snobby."
Giles: "What's in cyberspace at the moment is less than divine."
Buffy: "Here's a tip: hurry!"
Miss Calendar: "The first thing we have to do is form the Circle of Kayless, right?"
Giles: "Form a circle? But there's only two of us. That's really more of a line."
Giles: "Couldn't you just stop Moloch be entering some computer virus?"
Miss Calendar: "You've seen way too many movies."
Giles: "Hoping and betting, that's what we've got."
Miss Calendar: "You want to throw in praying, be my guest."
Xander: "Hey, I got to hit someone!"
Willow: "Malcolm! Remember me, your girlfriend? I think it's time we break up. But maybe we can still be friends.
Giles: "If it's to last, then the getting of knowledge should be tangible. It should be, um, smelly."
Giles: "Well, I don't dangle a corkscrew from my ear."
Miss Calendar: "That's not where I dangle it."
Giles: "..."
Willow: "Malcolm. Moloch. Whatever he's called. The one boy that's really liked me and he's a demon robot. What does that say about me?"
Buffy: "Doesn't say anything about you."
Willow: "I mean, I thought I was really falling..."
Buffy: "Hey, did you forget? The one boy I've had the hots for since I moved here? Turned out to be a vampire."
Xander: "Right, and the teacher I had a crush on? Giant preying mantis."
Willow: "That's true."
Xander: "That's life on the Hellmouth."
Buffy: "Let's face it. None of us are ever gonna' have a happy, normal relationship."
Xander: "We're doomed!"
Willow: "Yeah!"
(everyone laughs then everyone goes silent)