Angel: "Is this a bad time?"
Buffy: "Are you crazy? You don't just sneak up on people in a graveyard. You make noise when you walk. You stomp or yodel."
Angel: "'Danced with' is a pretty loose term. 'Mated with' might be a little closer."
Buffy: "Don't you think you're being a little unfair? It was one little dance, which I only did to make you crazy. By the way, behold my success."
Angel: "See? Whenever we fight, you always bring up the vampire thing."
Buffy: "Well, I didn't come here to fight!"
Stephan Vampire: "Rargh!!!"
Buffy: "Ooh! Oh right, I did!"
Buffy: "Gee, I wish people wouldn't leave open graves laying around like this."
Buffy: "Being called an idiot tends to take people out of the dating mood."
Xander: "Well, it actually kind of turns me on."
Buffy: "I fear you."
Buffy: "You also might wanna' avoid words like 'amenable' and 'indecorous'. You know? Speak English, not whatever they speak in, uh..."
Giles: "England?"
Buffy: "Yeah. You just say, 'Hey, I got a thing. You maybe have a thing. Maybe we could have a thing?'"
Giles: "Well thank you, Cyrano."
Buffy: "I'm not finished. Then you say, 'How do you feel about Mexican?'"
Giles: "About Mexicans?"
Buffy: "Mexican. Food. You take her for food, for which you then pay."
Xander: "So this chair woman, we are talking Ms. Calendar, right?"
Giles: "What makes you think that?"
Xander: "Simple deduction. Ms. Calendar is reasonably dollsome, especially for someone in your age bracket. She already knows you're a school librarian, so you don't have to worry about how to break that embarrassing news to her."
Buffy: "And she's the only woman we've ever seen actually speak to you. Add it up and it all spells 'Duh!'"
Xander: "Now is it time to have a talk about the facts of life?"
Giles: "You know, I'm suddenly deciding this is none of your business."
Xander: "You know, 'cause that whole stork thing is a smoke screen!"
Giles: "Grave robbery? That's new. Interesting."
Buffy: "I know you meant to say 'gross' and 'disturbing'."
Giles: "Yes, yes, yes, of course. Terrible thing. Must put a stop to it. Damn it."
Giles: "Why don't we ask Willow to fire this...thing up and track Meredith down."
Cordelia: "Okay, I'm doing this under protest. It is not fair that they're making participation in this year's science fair mandatory. I don't think anyone should have to do anything educational in school if they don't want to."
Willow: "'The Tomato: Fruit or Vegetable?'"
Cordelia: "I wanted to do something I could finish in a weekend, all right?"
Cordelia: "I didn't think yearbook nerds came out of hybernation 'til spring."
Buffy: "Uh, sorry to interrupt, Willow, but it's the bat signal."
Willow: "This shouldn't take long. I'm probably the only girl in school who has the coroner's office bookmarked as a favorite place."
Cordelia: "Hi, sorry to interrupt your little undead play group, but I need to ask Willow if she'll help me with my science fair project."
Willow: "It's a fruit."
Cordelia: "Hello? Can we deal with my pain, please?"
Giles: "There, there."
Willow: "It says that Meredith and two other girls in the car were killed instantly. They were all on the Fondren High Pep Squad, on the way to a game."
Buffy: "You know what this means?"
Xander: "That Fondren might actually beat Sunnydale in the cross-town body count competition this year?"
Corderlia: "Eeuw! Why is it that every conversation you have has the word'corpse' in it?"
Xander: "So we dig up some graves tonight?"
Willow: "Oh boy, a field trip."
Xander: "So we're set, then. Say, nine-ish? B.Y.O. Shovel."
Willow: "And I'll pack some food. Who else likes those little powdered donuts?"
Xander: "Me."
Willow: "Cordelia?"
Cordelia: "Darn, I have cheerleader practice tonight. Boy, I wish I knew you were gonna' be digging up dead people sooner. I would've cancelled."
Xander: "All right, but if you come across the army of zombies, can you page us before they eat your flesh?"
Cordelia: "Oh!"
Giles: "Xander?"
Xander: "Huh?"
Giles: "Zombies don't eat the flesh of the living."
Xander: "Ha. Yeah, I know that, but did you see the look on her face?"
Willow: "Love makes you do the wacky."
Buffy: "That's the truth."
Xander: "You know, this might go a lot faster if you femmes actually picked up a shovel, too."
Giles: "Hear hear!"
Buffy: "Sorry, but I'm an old-fashioned gal. I was raised to believe that men dig up the corpses and women have the babies."
Willow: "He was a big football star. All State two years ago. He was a running--he was a running--uh, someone who runs and catches."
Buffy: "And he broke Cordy's heart? Thus possibly proving its existence."
Willow: "By the way, are we hoping to find a body or no body?"
Xander: "Call me an optimist, but I'm hoping to find a fortune in gold doubloons."
Giles: "All right, then. Go on."
Xander: "You're closer."
Buffy: "Pathetic much?"
Cordelia: "Guys, if we don't get this down by tomorrow, no one's gonna' be led by our cheers. Practice."
Xander: "So if both coffins are empty, that makes three girls signed up for the army of zombies."
Willow: "Is it an army if you just have three?"
Buffy: "Well, zombie drill team, then."
Angel: "Cordelia told me the truth."
Xander: "Ha ha! That's gotta' be a first."
Angel: "We found some of them."
Buffy: "You mean, like, two of the three?"
Angel: "I mean, like, some of them. Like parts."
Cordelia: "It was horrible. Angel saved me from an arm."
Cordelia: "Why are there terrible things always happening to me?"
Xander: "Karma!"
Angel: "I think they kept some parts."
Buffy: "Could this get yuckier?"
Willow: "They probably kept the other parts to eat!"
Buffy: "Question answered."
Giles: "What student here is going to be that well-versed in physiology?"
Willow: "Well, I can think of five or six guys in the science club. And me."
Xander: "So, Will, come clean. Promise never to do it again, and we'll call it a night."
Buffy: "..."
Angel & Cordelia: "..."
Xander: "He joked."
Cordelia: "I have to go home now. I have to take a bath and burn my clothes."
Xander: "You have to go? Aw, too bad. Keep in touch. Buh-bye!"
Cordelia: "I don't wanna' go alone. I'm still fragile. Can you take me?"
Angel: "..."
Cordelia: "Great, I'll drive."
Xander: "How about that? I always pegged him as a one-woman vampire."
Giles: "You understand, in my capacity as a school official, this search is completely unauthorized. I cannot condone it."
Buffy: "Fine. Your butt's covered. Wanna' grab a locker?"
Giles: "Yes, yes, of course."
Willow: "Nothing in here but back issues of Scientific American. Ooh! I haven't read this one."
Buffy: "I don't get it. Why would anybody want to make a girl?"
Xander: "You mean when there's so many premade ones just laying around? The things we do for love."
Xander: "People don't fall in love with what's right in front of them. People want the dream. What they can't have. The more unattainable, the more attractive."
Xander: "And speaking of love..."
Willow: "We were talking about the reanimation of dead tissue."
Xander: "Do I deconstruct your segues?"
Buffy: "Okay, Giles. Just remember, 'I feel a thing. You feel a thing,' but personalize it."
Giles: "Personalize it?"
Buffy: "She's a Techno-Pagan, right? Ask her to bless your laptop. Have fun!"
Giles: "Wha? Oh, don't..."
Xander: "Best of luck."
Giles: "...leave."
Ms. Calendar: "Good morning, Rupert."
Giles: "Ms. Calendar?"
Ms. Calendar: "Oh no, please. Call me Jenny. Ms. Calendar's my father."
Xander: "For the love of God, can somebody scratch my nose?"
Buffy: "What if that poor girl is walking around"
Xander: "Poor girls, technically."
Ms. Calendar: "It's just such a rugged contest."
Giles: "Rugged? American football? Heh heh."
Ms. Calendar: "And that's funny because...?"
Giles: "Well, I think it's rather odd that a nation that prides itself on its virility should feel compelled to strap on forty pounds of protective gear just in order to play rugby."
Willow: "Eric's was a bust. Nothing there."
Xander: "Yeah, nothing but a bunch of computer equipment and a pornography collection so prodigious, it even scared me."
Eric: "When you wake up, you'll have the body of a 17-year-old. In fact, you'll have the body of several."
Xander: "Well, I guess that makes it official. Everybody's paired off. The vampires get dates. Hell, even the school librarian sees more action than me. You ever think that the world's a giant game of musical chairs, and the music's stopped, and we're the only ones who don't have a chair?"
Willow: "All the time."
Cordelia: "Xander, I just wanted to thank you for saving my life. What you did in there was really brave and heroic, and I just wanted to tell you if there's anything I could ever do--"
Xander: "Do you mind? We're talking here. So, where were we?"
Willow: "Wondering why we never get dates."
Xander: "Yeah, so why do you think that is?"