Spike: "Same reason as you and your cub scout here, I wager. Wanted a spot of violence before bedtime."
Spike: "And I should do what with my spare time? Sit at home knitting cunning sweater sets?"
Spike: "Oh! I saw that. Looks like neither boy is entirely welcome. You should take him home, Slayer. Make him stay there. I've got knitting needles he can borrow."
Buffy: "Spike, I just saw you taste your own nose blood. You know what? I'm too grossed out to hear anything you have to say!"
Buffy: "You threw that vampire like he was a teeny-weeny little vampire."
Riley: "Hey, you want to go again? Come on, I bet this place is just teeming with aerodynamic vampires."
Spike: "I will know your blood, Slayer. I will make your neck my chalice, and drink deep."
Spike: "Ow!"
Willow: "Look at us - we're arguing! We're having a debate about a college lecture. I have dreamt of this day since... forever."
Willow: "Should I be watching my occipital lobe?"
Buffy: "Your what?"
Willow: "Occipital, the lobe in the back of your brain? You know, like, should I be watching my back? But, you know, the back of your brain."
Buffy: "Apparently not."
Buffy: "Don't worry, Will, you still wear the smarty-pants in the family."
Buffy: "I'm starting to think this working hard is hard work."
Buffy: "I thought it was gonna be like in the movies -- you know, inspirational music, a montage: me sharpening my pencil, me reading, writing, falling asleep on a big pile of books with my glasses all crooked, 'cause in my montage, I have glasses. But real life is slow, and it's starting to hurt my occipital lobe."
Willow: "Aw, poor Buffy's brain."
Xander: "Yeah, blueprints, not a bad idea. That and getting straight, "measure twice, cut once." You know, for the longest time, I had it backwards. Messy."
Anya: "Who put the monkey head near the Styx water? Do we want to pick exploded monkey out of our hair?"
Willow: "Oh, I feel like a witch in a magic shop!"
Willow: "Ooh, are these real newt eyes?"
Giles: "No, too rich for my blood, I'm afraid. No, these are salamander eyes. It's the cataracts which gives them their newt-like appearance. They're really equally effective, though. It's just a matter of overcoming snobbery."
Xander: "I'm telling you, Giles. You've got to set up a blind taste-test and prove once and for all that generic amphibian eyeballs are just as good."
Giles: "Shall we, then?"
Buffy: "We shall then."
Tara: "Hmmm."
Willow: "What do you see?"
Tara: "Willow hands."
Xander: "I'm the dummy man! I mean, I made the dummy."
Buffy: "You're like my fairy godmother, and Santa Claus, and Q all rolled up into one. Q from Bond, not Star Trek."
Spike: "Oh, Pacey! You blind idiot. Can't you see she doesn't love you?"
Harmony: "She won't give up until she's killed me to death."
Spike: "Buffy's looking for you?"
Harmony: "Of course! That's why I'm on the lam. Didn't you hear? I'm totally her arch-nemesis."
Harmony: "Come on, Spike. Pretty please? I'll do anything."
Spike: "Anything, will you?"
Harmony: "Yeah, I said I'll do anything. Oh, you mean, will I have sex with you? Well, yeah."
Spike: "Taking up smoking, are you?"
Harmony: "I am a villain, Spike, hello!"
Spike: "I guess you are at that."
Spike: "I guess you're gonna have to kill her."
Harmony: "I tried! It was all hard and stuff. You do it."
Spike: "I'd love to, but I can't. Remember? I've got this cute little government chip in my head."
Harmony: "Oh, right. Guess it'll have to be me after all. Can you help with the thinking?"
Buffy: "Mmm. that was relaxing."
Riley: "You, uh, want to relax some more?"
Buffy: "Hey, I have the endurance of ten men."
Riley: "Let's make it women, okay? Just for the imagery."
Buffy: "You know, it takes a lot to wear me out."
Riley: "Oh, I love a challenge."
Joyce: "You want the cereal prize, but you don't want the cereal. You are growing up."
Willow: "What about a crossword? Some people say feed a cold, I say puzzle it."
Joyce: "I feel silly lying here like a lump."
Willow: "You can make a game out of it. A very quiet game about being a lump."
Buffy: "Call them how? First of all, they don't exist any more, and secondly they never claimed to exist in the first place."
Riley: "Very convincing. Makes me completely want to put myself under government control. Please, take me where they can make me unconscious and naked."
Graham: "And, Buffy..."
Buffy: "If you tell me to hurry, I'll kick your ass."
Xander: "Like, I had this friend once who really liked this girl, and he got all worried that maybe she didn't like him back, and maybe that made him act like a total jerk. Maybe Riley reminds me of that friend."
Willow: "What are you talking about?"
Xander: "Then again, maybe not. Maybe he just wants attention."
Anya: "I care about you, Xander."
Xander: "Thanks."
Anya: "Don't be insecure."
Xander: "Thanks. I won't."
Buffy: "You know what else he might find homey, in a dank, unpleasant, evil sort of way? The Initiative caves."
Giles: "We do have an associate who knows those caves like the back of his melanin-deprived hand."
Buffy: "The guy's really starting to bug me in that special "I want to shove something wooden through his heart" kind of way."
Spike: "Is it bigger than a breadbox?"
Harmony: "No. Four left."
Spike: "So it's smaller than a breadbox?"
Harmony: "No. Only three."
Spike: "Harmony, is it a sodding breadbox?"
Harmony: "Yes! Oh my god. Someone's Blondie Bear is a 20-questions genius!"
Spike: "Oh dear, is the enormous hall monitor sick? Tell me, is he gonna die?"
Harmony: "So, what'd she say about me?"
Spike: "Little performance anxiety, eh, doc? Butterflies in the old belly? Harm, do us a favor. Shoot the nasty butterflies for the good doctor."
Harmony: "Oops. String was slippy."
Willow: "Better to light a candle than curse the damn darkness."
Tara: "How'd you do that with the light?"
Willow: "Oh, you know, you taught me."
Tara: "I taught you a teeny tinkerbell light."
Willow: "Okay, so I tinkered with the tinkerbell."
Riley: "I go back, let the government get whimsical with my innards again, they could do anything that... Best case scenario, they turn me into Joe Normal. Just... just another guy."
Riley: "Come on, your last boyfriend wasn't exactly a civilian."
Buffy: "Don't Psych 101 me."
Riley: "Loving you is the scariest thing I've ever done, Buffy."
Buffy: "I don't know why."
Harmony: "I read in a magazine that some women think a man's real sex organ is his brain. Yecch. No contest. I mean, look at it. It's so... pink and wriggly-looking. Can I touch it?"
Doctor & Spike: "No!"
Harmony: "Wow, Spikey, how does it feel?"
Spike: "Like someone's cutting into my brain with a knife, you silly bint."
Harmony: "Do you know what it means that he can't hurt any living thing? It means that he can't even pick flowers."
Spike: "What?! Yes, I can."
Harmony: "Is it supposed to do that?"
Spike: "Harmony, if your incessant prattling bollixes up this operation, I'm gonna personally rip out your pink and wriggly tongue."
Riley: "How many fingers I got?"
Graham: "17."
Riley: "Hey, about before..."
Graham: "We're good. Apologize later, if you're not dead."
Buffy: "You are not going to die!"
Riley: "Bet you say that to all the boys."
Spike: "Bathe in the Slayer's blood. I've gonna dive in it. Swim in it. I'm gonna do the bloody backstroke."
Harmony: "I see it, Spikey, I see the chip! It's nestled in there like a pretty little Easter egg, with your brain all around it like that green plastic grassy stuff. Only this is more of a beige..."
Spike: "Listen to me. My stomach's growling, I'm so starved. I'm afraid I'm going to have to have me a little snack. Oh, don't worry. I won't fill up on the bread. I'll still have plenty of room for the main course."
Spike: "Buffy, Buffy, Buffy! Everywhere I turn, she's there. That nasty little face, that bouncing, shampoo- commercial hair. That whole holier-than-thou attitude."
Harmony: "Well, aren't we kind of unholy by definition..."
Buffy: "How's it going in there?"
Riley: "Good. Back to normal."
Buffy: "Yep. And see? I'm still touchable."
Riley: "Give me a week or so to heal, and I'll take full advantage of that fact."
Spike: "Oh god, no. Please no."