Title: Beware the Fine Print
Disclaimer: Spike and the rest of Buffy the Vampire Slayer characters are the property of Joss Whedon, Mutant Enemy, and the WB Co. All other characters are mine. I wish they were all mine, but they are not, so oh well.
Rating: G
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She glanced around her room, as if viewing it for the first time. Pink carpet, pink bedspread, pink curtains, pink flowers, pink everything. And it was all in a large opulent mansion in a very exclusive neighborhood in a very well-to-do town. “Great,” she thought, “not only do I look like a Barbie doll, I live like one too.” Stella marched over to her bookstand and pulled out her senior yearbook. She flipped through until she found the page with the special senior acknowledgments. Above her picture was written “Stella Farrows- Class Beauty” She gazed at herself. Long blond ringlets, large bluish-violet eyes, and a perfect cupid’s bow mouth. She grunted and tossed the heavy book onto the thickly carpeted floor. What good was her looks? It would all be reduced to wrinkles and sunspots and sagginess, sooner or later. She needed to get out of her, out of Silverton, and go someplace where they could really appreciate her beauty.
It took her all of fifteen minutes to pack her bags. She contemplated on whether or not to leave her parents a letter. “Why bother?” she thought bitterly. “They will be too busy with their jobs and charity junk that they wont even notice I’m gone. So long Mother and Father. So long Silverton. So long ordinary life.” With a dramatic shake of her head, she picked up her bags and headed out, marching throughout the house, not even looking back once.
All the servants looked at her quizzically, but merely assumed that she was going away for the weekend and went back to their work. Stella ordered for her car to be brought around to her, and stood impatiently until she saw the driver pull up with her little silver convertible.
“Have a good trip, miss,” said the driver timidly, rushing out to open the door for her.
“I plan on it,” she replied, stepping into the car. She threw her bags into the back, and sat in her car, thinking. “What am I even going to do? I need a plan. Well, let me go to the bank, and start driving, and I’m sure I’ll figure something out.” She then proceeded to the local bank and pulled out almost all of her money, which came to a considerable amount. “Good,” she thought, satisfied, “This will last me a while.” She stopped by Starbucks for her usual chai tea, and sat back, trying to figure out what she was going to do. “I think I will go to...Los Angeles. I mean, I know a lot of people go there to be discovered or whatever, so many don’t even make it. But I bet none of them are as pretty as me,” she reasoned smugly. She figured it would take her only three or four hours to drive there, and decided to start her trip right away. At first, the thought of her new-found independence and liberation and the wind in her hair and the music blasting from her sound system thrilled her to no extent. But now, after two hours by herself, she found herself growing more and more weary. She began to daydream about how she was going to be a famous and world renowned supermodel. But suddenly, a loud blast from the side of her car jilted her thoughts and quickly brought her back to reality.
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“What the freakin hell was that?!?” she exclaimed, pulling over to the side of the road. She got out and at further inspection of her car, she realized that her front right tire had blown up. She must have drove over a nail or something. “Jesus Christ!” she screamed, but no one heard her, because it seemed that Highway 5 was completely deserted. And it was about noon, so the hot Southern California sun was right above her. She marched over to a call box and dialed 411 for a tow. They made her wait for almost 2 hours before a burly, balding man showed up to take her car.
“Hey girly. You can wait in the car. I’m going to have to take ‘er to the shop to repair her. Its going to be a while. Your fan belt is about to bust, and the carburetor could use some work too. Yup yup, it’ll be a pretty penny. You might want to look into finding yourself a motel room, cause you’re sure going to need it. But of course, if you can’t find yourself a room, I got a real cozy lil place you can come to,” he drawled, wagging his eyebrow at her suggestively. She turned around so that he couldn’t see her gag.
“Ewww! As if! Get real, El Baldo,” she muttered under her breath. Then speaking up, she asked, “Where are we, by the way, mister?”
“We are just outside Sunnydale, California. We should be at my shop in about ten minutes,” he replied.
Sunnydale? That was about as stupid a name as Silverton. She could just imagine little happy-go-lucky people skipping around town. Sunny little Sunnydale. Just peachy. She knew that she was going to not like being here for even a second.
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Well, Sunnydale was almost exactly how she thought it would be. It wasn’t that bad though. They had some cute shops and TONS of hot college guys walking around everywhere. The sun had set, and Stella was on her way out to check out the local nightlife. She started to walk out of her motel room when something caught her eye. There was something written by the doorway. No...not written, carved. What did it say? Slick Slaves? No, it was Sp- Spikes Slaves. That’s a stupid thing to carve on something. That person must have been way bored. She didn’t think anything else of it and headed out.
Where to go, where to go? She didn’t have a clue, so she just decided to follow the crowds of young people to wherever they were going. As it turned out, everyone seemed to be heading to a club called the Bronze. She felt a little stupid, just sitting there by herself. “This is dumb,” she finally thought. “I need to go find some excitement, some danger, and I am not going to find that just sitting here. Might as well just leave. Yessiree, danger and excitement, danger and excit...”
Oh, my goodness... That there was EXACTLY what she needed. He simply exuded danger and excitement. Not to mention he was drop dead gorgeous. Bleached slicked back hair, devilishly devastating eyes, and cheekbones so chiseled it would make a Greek god envious. She had her eyes on him, and by the end of the night, he would be hers. She just knew it. No guy thus far could resist her charms.
She walked over to him and gave him her most charming smile. “Hey there”
He turned his head around, looking rather bored. But when he caught sight of Stella, he smiled widely. “Well, hello there. Care to join me for a drink?” he asked.
Oh my God. Not only was he gorgeous, he had an accent! She couldn’t have picked a better guy. “Of course!” Then, she tried to calm herself down. She didn’t want to appear overeager. “Ahem, sure, of course. I would love to. Where are you from? I just love your accent. Its just so sexy,” she asked as he pulled out a chair for her.
“England, London mostly. But I travel around a lot.” he replied easily.
“Really? Then what brings you to little Sunnydale California? Business or pleasure?”
“Oh, a little bit of both, I would say. I could ask you the same. You don’t really seem to be the type to be in a little old town like this.”
“Oh, see, I was just passing on through to LA when my tire blew out, so I need to stay while my car is being fixed.”
“LA? Do you live there or something?”
“I will soon. I’m going there to become an actress or a model,” she replied, her eyes gleaming.
“Really then?” he raised his eyebrow, making him look even more dangerous. “I know a girl there doing the same thing.”
“Wow! For real? What’s her name? Did she get any good gigs?”
“Her name is Cordelia Chase. And we weren’t all that much great friends, so I don’t really know. I heard she’s not doing that great, acting wise. It’s the same old story with everybody.”
She made a face. “No, not everybody. Not me at least. I’m too pretty to be looked over like that.” Luckily, she didn’t notice him roll his eyes. “Stay right here. Don’t even go anywhere. I have to powder my nose. It will be just a second.”
She left for the restroom, and returned to see him flirting with a little blond girl. “Hey now! That is so rude. I just left and he already found someone else. What a jerk. I’m going to give him a piece of my mind,” she silently declared, walking over to him. As she began to get closer, she then noticed that he and the girl weren’t flirting, they were arguing. Well, then, she would just have to show that girl not to mess with her guy... But then she realized, Stella didn’t even know sexy boy’s name. Oh well, not a problem, she decided as she crept up to them.
“Spike! What are you doing here? You aren’t supposed to be out! People are still looking for you, and you are just putting yourself in danger,” spat the blond.
“Buffy, darling! I didn’t know you even cared...How sweet of you. But don’t you think you have better things to do than to keep with my whereabouts? Go on dear, and get on with your slaying duties,” he replied sarcastically.
“Oh Spikey, its not that I care, its just that I didn’t want to get any vampire dust on my new jacket. Its such a pain to dry clean.” she spoke in a hushed tone, in hopes that no one else could hear them, but
Stella was so close. And she couldn’t believe her ears. A vampire? Nah...it couldn’t be. Vampires were just make believe. It wasn’t possible. Or was it?
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“Oh shirty slayer, no one is going to touch me, least of all you, and you know it. So, why don’t you and the rest of the Scooby gang go sod off,” he retorted as he stalked out of the Bronze. Stella shot after him, not even thinking of was she was doing. She caught up to him just as he turned into a dark alley.
“Hey!” she cried. “Wait! Please?”
He stopped and turned around. “What do you bloody hell want?”
She took a deep breath. “Is it true? Are you really a vampire?” she implored.
He groaned inwardly. Just how much had she heard of his conversation with Buffy? “Do you think I’m a vampire?” he asked.
“I dunno. I never met one, so how would I know what one would look like?” he retorted.
“Like this.” Without warning, he put on his game face. She gasped and stepped back, with the most fearful and horrified look on her face.
“Don’t hurt me! Please!” she cried.
“Don’t worry bout that kitten. I cant hurt a fly.”
She brushed her hair out of her eyes, and tried to calm her breathing. “What do you mean?”
“What I mean is, I can’t bite. Nope, Spike is about as harmless as a bunny rabbit. Yup, poor pathetic Spike. I’m such a pillock,” he replied, just drowning himself in his misery, returning his face into its normal human figure. “Some pansy army boys kidnapped me and placed a chip in my brain that makes me feel very sharp, intense pain anytime I want to cause harm to anything. Right bloody crime, it is.”
“Oh. So there is no reason I should be scared, right?” He nodded. “Okie then. Oh, by the way, I’m Stella. I never told you my name.”
“Well, then Stella. Is there anything else you want to know?”
“Ummm, how old are you? I mean, you look young, but don’t vampires live forever or something?”
“I, pet, am 126 years old. Quite well preserved, don’t you think? And yes, vamps do live forever in immortality, unless they get staked or something.” He noticed a gleam in her eyes. “Hey you aren’t one of those girls in my fan club, are you? A Spikes Slave? I must say, I rather like that name.”
“Spikes Slaves...why does that sound so familiar?” then she snapped her fingers together. “I know! That was carved into the doorway of my motel room. And no, I’m not in your fan club. Though, I must admit, I wouldn’t mind being part of it. But I was wondering something.”
“And that would be?”
“Could you make me a vampire?”
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Her question set him aback. Why the bloody hell would she want to be a vamp? Look at him! He was miserable. But then again, when he had his powers, he had a gruesomely fantastic time. But alas, he couldn’t bite. “I cant bite you, I thought I told you that,” he replied irritated.
“But you said if you tried to harm anyone. You wouldn’t really be harming me if I was offering myself to you, right...?”
He sat back and thought for a minute. “Do you understand what you’re asking for?”
“Yes,” she replied, determined. “Immortality and everlasting beauty. I would never have to worry about wrinkles or anything. Please! Help me out here.”
“Come here,” he beckoned. She walked over too him slowly. “This might hurt a bit, if it doesn’t hurt me. Got it?”
She nodded, and pulled her hair to the side, exposing her vulnerable neck. He licked his lips, waiting for the pain to come. He put on his game face, waiting...but nothing came. No pain at all. “YESSSS!!!!” he thought elated. But how many people would offer themselves to him? Certainly, not many. He really should savor this. Goodness knows, this might be the very last neck that he will ever drink from. He walked right up to her, and gently bit down on her neck. She cried out in pain. “Shhh,” he whispered. “We are right by the entrance of the Bronze. Try and keep it quiet, okay love?” She nodded, and he bit down again. How he missed drinking the blood of his victims. He hadn’t realized just how much. Ever since the whole incident with the chip, he had been living on pig’s blood from the butcher and sewer rats. He had nearly forgotten just how good human blood was. It had a certain quality that just couldn’t be matched with any other animal. And how lucky he had gotten, she was a young, beautiful girl, his favorite variety. She tasted so good, and he was so involved with what he was doing, that he didn’t realize that she was almost devoid of blood. She was slumped in his arms, just barely conscience. “Oops. Sorry bout that luv. I guess I lost track of time.” He placed her on a crate, and took out his little knife from his pocket and skillfully slashed his palm. “Here, drink. It will make you feel better, I promise.” She feebly reached for his hand and started to drink from the blood. He had forgotten when the last time he sired someone was. It felt so good, that, again, he lost track of time. “Hey hey hey, wait now luv. That’s all you get for now. But there’s more to come.” She stood up, looking much stronger and empowered than she had been.
“This, this is incredible! I feel so alive, which is pretty ironic, don’t you think? Oh my God. This is awesome!” she squealed.
He smiled, but it was quickly erased from his face when he caught sight of the Scooby gang emerging from the Bronze. “Uh, lets get out of here, sweets. I’ve got a better place to be,” he said, grabbing her hand and pulling her quickly. They walked to a quiet part of town, and Spike walked up to an apartment set in the back of one of the units.
“Is this where you live?” she asked.
“Yeah, you could say that,” he said, unlocking and opening the front door. They stepped inside and she began to wander around, gazing at the living room.
“You have so many books in here. Hey! They’re are all on vampires and demons and stuff. Gosh, you must be really super smart if you read all of this stuff.” He smiled lazily at her and asked if she wanted a spot of tea. “Tea? Don’t you have any blood or something?”
“Oh, so sorry,” he replied back sarcastically. “Me being English and all.” He walked out to the fridge, looking for the bags with the pigs blood. He located them and threw the bag on the kitchen table.
“Okie, thanks. Let me go powder my nose, and I’ll be right back.” She heard him snort, and turned around with her hands on her hips. “What is so funny?”
“Nothing, its just that, it won’t do you any good.”
“And why is that, Mister Smarty Pants?”
“Because, luv, you don’t have a reflection anymore.” He grew amused with the shocked look on her face. Then she grew bright red, and had an absolute hissy fit.
“WHAT THE HELL DO YOU MEAN I DON’T HAVE A REFLECTION?” she bellowed.
“SHHHHH!” he whispered, quickly clamping his hand on her mouth. “Be quiet! I will explain everything.” By then, she had began crying. How he despised that. He hated weak women. As much as he hated Buffy, the one thing that he always admired about her was that she was strong. Spike brought Stella to a chair and sat her down. “Shhhh, please, keep it down, please...” Just then, they heard a noise at the stairs and the lights were suddenly switched on.
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“What’s going on? Whose down there? Buffy, is that you?” whispered a man, with a definite English accent. At the sight of Spike and Stella, he shook his head and frowned. “Spike. What the bloody hell are you doing here? Why aren’t you at the crypt? And who’s your friend?”
“Bloody fantastic,” muttered Spike. Then he spoke up. “Giles, and good morning to you too. I was low on blood, and I remembered that I had left some here, just in case.”
“Really then? And just how did you get in?”
“Oh that. See, I don’t think you really are going to like this part.” He paused, and saw Giles’s eyebrow go up. “Well, while I was here, I took the liberty of making myself a spare key. You know, in case of an emergency. I could be doing you a favor.
What if one day, you found yourself locked out? Then you could say, ‘Well, hey! Spike has the extra key! What a hero he is!’ and you would all go and prance around me, just for being so lucky to have me in your presence. Don’t you think?” he asked feebly.
“Well, there are two things wrong with that picture. First, you never told me that you had a key made, and if you had, I’m sure that I would have taken it away from you by now, and second, we would never be joyous to see you, not now, not ever,” he sighed. Stella stood up to protest. “And who is your friend here?”
“Oh yeah, I was going to tell you. This is Stella. I just sired her an hour ago.” Spike got a definite feeling of pleasure at seeing Giles’s look of shock and confusion.
“Wha- what do y-you mean?” Giles sputtered. “You just sired her? Does that mean you have you biting ability back? What the hell happened Spike.”
“Hmmm,” he murmured, stalking towards Giles. All at once, the now- familiar pang of agony swept over his mind. Reeling back, he declared, “Yes okay, I still defiantly DO NOT bite. Happy now?”
“Yes, quite, actually. And it serves you right. You would have bitten me.”
“Yeah, and gladly too, you great big idiot,” Spike muttered underneath his breath.
Not noticing Spike’s comment, Giles continued. “But that doesn’t explain how you could sire Sarah here.”
“It’s Stella. And I know why,” interjected Stella, “Its because I offered myself to him, not really understanding the consequences. You seduced me!”
“What in blazes are you talking about! You basically threw yourself at me! And besides, I asked you if you knew what you were getting yourself into, and you said yes. So, don’t you sit there, and say I seduced you, got it?” He said grumpily as he threw himself on a chair.
“And you believed me? I dont know didly squat about vampires. I thought they were all make believe until tonight. All I know is that I can change my face around, which is really ugly by the way, suck blood, which I find really gross, and stay away from garlic, but I haven’t figured out the whole changing into a bat thing.” Spike began to laugh hysterically.
“What is so funny?”
“Its just that you’re so ignorant. That’s all.”
“Hey! Its not really my fault, is it? Its not like I knew a vampire and she told me all about being one. There isn’t a ‘Being a Vampire- For Dummies’ now is there? No. I didn’t think so. So stop laughing at me. If I’m so ‘ignorant’ then tell me.”
“Well, what is there to tell? You are always supposed to beware of the fine print, you know. You can always get some unexpected something or others. Stay away from fire, crosses, holy water, wooden stakes, and anything that could knock your head off. You have no reflection, no pulse, no breath. Dont worry about garlic, that’s just a myth, and we dont turn into bats, although I must say, I wish we could. You always have to be invited into wherever you are going, unless its a public place, then of course, its all right. Dont ever go out into the day, unless you want to become a giant ball of flames, because that is what will happen. You must drink blood, otherwise you will shrivel away into nothingness. Stay away from Buffy, because she’s the Slayer, its her job to kill the likes of us, and any other rouge slayer out there. Buffy’s the little blond that you say me talking to in the club and-”
“Awww, its so nice to be remembered,” interrupted a voice from the door. Giles, Stella, and Spike all swiveled their heads around to look at the speaker.
Stella stood up, “The Slayer, I presume.”
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Buffy and her three friends entered the house and plopped themselves down on the sofa. “The one and only. Although, I really cant say that, can I? Not with Faith running around. I’m just glad that she’s not here.” She made a face, and turned to Giles. “Hope you dont mind our late night pit stop. We were coming back from the Bronze, and since you’re close by, we decided to stop by and see if there was any news on the vampire front. And we saw the lights on.. so, here we are!” she said brightly.
“Well, I think Spike has some news for you all,” Giles voiced.
Buffy, Willow, Xander, and Anya all turned to Spike. “Well, see, I just sired someone...” He repeated his story to the group and they listened, as confused as Giles’ was. When he finished, they all looked at Stella as if she was crazy.
“But...why would you want to be a vampire? I mean, I was once, and let me tell you, it wasn’t all that pleasant,” declared Willow.
“You were once...? I dont understand? How are you human now?” Stella asked.
“Long story,” replied Xander and Willow at the same time.
“It was in this whole other dimention. And not all of it was my fault, let me remind you,” said Anya, wagging her finger at Xander.
“No no, honey dip. I never said it was your fault,” Xander implored.
“Yeah. I said it was,” Buffy interjected. Anya threw her a venomous look and snuggled closer to Xander. “So, what do we do with her?”
“Well, trust me,” said Stella, “I’m not going to go around biting other people’s necks. That’s too gross for me. I guess I’m going to live on- gag me- butcher blood or something. But did you know I dont have a reflection? How the heck am I supposed to get modeling gigs now? I cant even go shopping! All the stores are closed at night!” she whined.
“Go online. They have great stores you know,” replied Willow.
“Its not the same!” Stella continued to whine. “And I’m never going to see my family again, or go to England, or Italy, or Greece, or-
“Paris?” declared a voice from the back. Again, all heads turned to face the new intruder.
“Oh God. Please, no!” Spike moaned, slumping into a chair. There, at the door entrance, stood Harmony, his last great mistake. Wait, take that back. His second to last great mistake. The last one was Stella.
“Harmony! Well, I cant really say its a pleasure, now can I?” declared Buffy. “My Spike, all your problems are just coming back to bite you in the butt, now huh? I would just hate to be you,” she said, with a big smile on her face.
Spike glared at Buffy, then turned his attention back to Harmony. “Harm, its been a while. How did you get in? No one invited you.”
“Oh see Spikey, that’s where you’re wrong. You invited me. You said that I was welcome anywhere you were at. So there. Who’s the little slut? She looks new. That’s just your style, isn’t it? Out with the old, in with the new? Let me tell you, girlfriend, he will promise you the world, and take it all back,” she warned, almost in tears. “You didn’t even take me to Paris,” she whispered. Then, unexpectedly, she reached into her bag, and pulled out a stake. “You see, Spikey poo, I have been following you around for a while now and nows my chance to finally get rid of you. I heard about your little operation. That is just so sad.”
“What? Are you bleeding mad? You brought a stake? Dont you know how dangerous that is? And I told you I was going to take you to Paris, it would just be a while longer. And remember, when I came crawling back? You were the one who refused me! So, dont make such a fuss,” Spike pleaded.
With a hurt look on her face, Harmony said, “Why should I believe you? Everything you said was a lie before. And now you have your new little slut, so why do you want me back?”
“Hey. I didn’t say I wanted you back,” he said confusedly.
With a scream of frustration, Harmony lunged for Spike with the stake in her hand. Then she unexpectedly tripped and she somehow managed to bury the sharp stake into Stella’s breast. With a shocked look on her face, Stella instantly dissipated into millions of particles of dust.
“My carpet!” Giles’s cried.
Spike was relieved, not only that the stake had missed, but also that is snagged Stella. He felt sort of bad. Hmmm, no he was lying. He didn’t feel bad at all. But now was not a time to celebrate. He still needed to take care of Harmony. Buffy and Willow had caught her when she fell, but at the surprise of
Stella’s dusting, she had managed to slip free, and had already escaped out of the house.
They all agreed that Harmony wasn’t worth chasing after. She wasn’t going to try anything else. At least, not that night. Spike could tell that he wasn’t really wanted in Giles home at the moment, so he decided to go home. Or, to his crypt, he should say. Not bad for a night, he thought smugly. I sired someone, after the longest time, but I lost her, but that’s not a problem. I temporarily got rid of Harmony. My work for the day is done. The sun was about to peek up so he hastened his pace, but he paused at a morning news stand. “What’s this?” he thought amusedly, as he bought a copy. He looked over the headlines and laughed - “SILVERTON GIRL MISSING WITHOUT A TRACE”- and he walked home, eager to fall asleep, just so he could wake up that night in hopes of brewing up another batch of mischief.