SARDARJI JOKES
Once Banta Singh attended an Interview.
Interviewer: Give me the opposite words.
Banta Singh: Ok
Interviewer: Made in India
Banta Singh: Destroyed in Pakistan
Interviewer: Keep it Up
Banta Singh: Put it Down
Interviewer: Maxi Mum
Banta Singh: Mini Dad
Interviewer: Enough! Take your Seat
Banta Singh: Don't take my seat
Interviewer: Idiot! Take your Seat
Banta Singh: Clever! Don't take my Seat
Interviewer: I say you get out!
Banta Singh: You didn't say I come in
Interviewer: I reject you!
Banta Singh: You Appoint me
Interviewer: ....!!!!!!!
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Santa: What is another difference between a mosquito and a fly?
Banta: A fly can fly but a mosquito cannot mosquito
=======================
Banta: When did George Washington die?
Santa: two day! s before his funeral.
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Banta: Tell me five FERROCIOUS animals you can thinkof........
Santa: 3 Lions and 2 Tigers.
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Banta Singh was in court charged with parking his car in a restricted area. The Judge asked him if he
had anything to say in his defence. "They should not put up such misleading notices", said Banta Singh.
"It said, FINE FOR PARKING HERE"
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Santa Singh and Banta Singh were always boasting of their parents achievements to each other.
Santa Singh : Have you ever heard of the Suez Canal?
Banta Singh : Yes I have.
Santa Singh : Well, my father dug it.
Banta Singh : That's nothing, have you ever heard of Dead Sea?
Santa Singh : Yes I have.
Banta Singh : Well, my father killed it.
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Banta Singh got tired of being the butt of jokes and decided to do his PhD. Banta was looking out for
a
unique subject to write his thesis when he saw a
cockroach. Banta placed the cockroach on the
table
and cut one of its leg. Then he said "WALK". The
cockroach moves forward. Then Banta cut its secind
leg and
commanded "WALK". The cockroach manages to move
forward. Then Banta cut its third leg and
commande
"WALK". The cockroach manages to wriggle forward
on
one leg. Finally Banta cut its fourth leg and
said
WALK". The poor cockroach could not move and lay
helplessly on the table.
He repeated the same with
over 1000 cockroaches. He finds that the results
in
all his experiments match. Banta is jubiliant,
"NOW"
! ; says Banta "MY THESIS IS READY" and proceeds to
write
it. "WHEN YOU CUT FOUR LEGS OF A COCKROACH IT
BECOMES DEAF".
========================================================
A Sardar is in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it
up and says"Hello, how did you know I was here?"
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Why are Sardar secret agents the best in the world?
Because even under torture they can't remember what they
have been assigned to.
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Did you hear about the Sardar who signed all his cheques
so that no one else could use them if he lost his cheque
book?
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Did you hear about the Sardar who asked his friends to give him all their burnt out light bulbs?
He just bought a camera and wanted to set up a Darkroom.
>-------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Sardar was given the job of painting the white lines down
the middle of a highway. On his first day he painted six miles;
the next day three miles; the following day less than a mile.
Then the foreman asked the Sardar why he kept painting
less each day, he replied "I just can't do any better. Each day
I keep getting farther away from the paint can."
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Why does a Sardar keep empty beer bottles in his fridge?
They're there for those who don't drink.
>-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why do Sardars have see-through lunch box lids?
So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're
going to work or coming home.
>-------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Sardar's response to the comment, "THINK about it!": "I don't have to think-I'm sardar!"
>-------------------------------------------------------------------------
A Sardar, a Japanese and a Britisher were lost in the desert.
They were driving around in a Jeep when it broke down. Because
they had nothing else, they decided to each take a piece
of the Jeep as they continued their journey.
The Japanese took the radiator, the Britisher took the
seat, and our Sardar took the door. After a while of walking the
Britisher asked the Japanese "I'm confused, why did you bring the radiator?"
The Japanese responded, "If I get thirsty, I can drink the fluid."
Next our Pappaji asked the Britisher "Why did you bring
the seat?" So the Britisher said "If I get tired,I am not going to sit on
the sand. I can sit on this comfortable seat."
Finally the Japanese asked our Hero why he had chosen the door. The Sardar
quickly responded to this
question, "Well, when it gets hot all I have to do is roll down the window."
>-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why couldn't the Sardar write the number "eleven"? He didn't
know which "one" came first...
>-------------------------------------------------------------------------
Why does a Sardar only change his baby's diapers once a month?
Because it says right on the box "good for up to 20
pounds."
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Did you hear about the Sardar skydiver? He missed the Earth!
=========================================================================
SADDAM Hussein was sitting peacefully in his office wondering who to invade next when his telephone rang.
"Hallo! Hussein paji," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Santa Singh in Barnala, Punjab. I'm ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on all of you in Iraq."
"Well, Santa." Saddamreplied, "This is indeed important news! Tell me how big is your army?"
"At this moment..." said Santa after a moment's calculation, "there is main, mera cousin Surjit, mera next-door neighbour Gurdial and the entire bhangra team from the village-that makes nine."
Saddam sighed. "I must tell you Santa, that I have one million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Changa!" said Santa."I'll be ringing you back."Sure enough the next day Santa rang back. "Right Hussein bhai, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Santa?" Saddam asked.
"Well we have two combine harvesters, a bulldozer and Gurdial's tractor from the farm."
Once more Saddam sighed. "I must tell you Santa that I have 16 thousand tanks, 14 thousand armoured personnel carriers and my army has increased to one and a half million since we last spoke."
"Is that really so?" said Santa. "I'll be ringing you back!"
Sure enough Santa rang again the next day.
"Right Mr.Hussein the war is still on! We have managed to get ourselves airborne! We've modified a government cropduster with a couple o' rifles in the cockpit and the village kho-kho team has joined us as well!"
Saddam was silent for a minute then sighed. "I must tell you Santa that I have 10 thousand bombers, 20 thousand MIG-19 attack planes, my military complex is surrounded by laser-guided surface-to-air missile sites and since we last spoke my army has increased to two million."
"Koi gal nahin," said Santa. "I'll be having to be ringin' ya back."
Sure enough Santa called again the next day. "Right,Mr. Hussein, I am very sorry to tell you we'll be calling off the war".
"I'm sorry to hear that Santaji. I was so looking forward to it," said Saddam. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
Well to tell you the truth," began Santa "We've all had a little chat and there's no way we can feed two million prisoners."
=============================================================================
How do most men define marriage? An expensive way to get laundry done for free.
Marriage is a 3-ring circus: Engagement ring, wedding ring, and suffering.!
In the beginning, God created earth and rested. Then God created man and rested. Then God created woman. Since then, neither God nor man has rested.
A man inserted an 'ad' in the classified: "Wife Wanted".
Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
First guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second guy: "You're real lucky, mine's still alive."
Husband : U know dear, our son got his brain from me.
Wife : I think he did, I've still got mine with me!
I asked my wife, "Where do you want to go on our anniversary?"
She said, "Somewhere I have never been!"
I told her, "How about the kitchen?"
We always hold hands. If I let go, she shops.
She has an electric blender, electric toaster, and electric bread maker.
Then she said, "There are too many gadgets, and no place to sit down!"
So I bought her an electric chair.
She ran after the garbage truck yelling, "Am I too late for the garbage?"
"No, jump in!" said the truck driver.
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During their silver anniversary, a wife reminded her husband, "Do you remember when you proposed to me, I was so overwhelmed that I didn't talk for an hour?" The hubby replied : "Yes, honey, that was the happiest hour of my life."
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One day a father called his 6 children together and asked, "Now tell me, who has been most obedient during last week and did everything mother asked?"
In one voice they all replied, "You, Daddy!"
A couple had three children. Two of them were bright, smart, and handsome but the third child was dull, ugly, and backward.
One day the hubby got suspicious and asked, "Tell me the truth, dear.
Is this third child really mine?" "Yes, dear," replied the wife, "but the other two are not."
A husband said to his wife, "Your mother has been living with us for 5 years now. Isn't it time she got herself her own apartment?" "My mother?" said the shocked wife, "I thought she was your mother."
A guy bought his wife a beautiful diamond ring for Christmas.
A friend of his said, "I thought she wanted one of those sporty 4-Wheel drive vehicles."
"She did." he replied. "But where in the hell was I gonna find a fake Jeep?"
Man at 86 who marries a girl of 25 is like buying a best-seller for others to read.
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