ROMANCE MATHEMATICS
>Smart man + smart woman = romance
>Smart man + dumb woman = affair
>Dumb man + smart woman = marriage
>Dumb man + dumb woman = pregnancy
>OFFICE ARITHMETIC
>Smart boss + smart employee = profit
>Smart boss + dumb employee = production
>Dumb boss + smart employee = promotion
>Dumb boss + dumb employee = overtime
>SHOPPING MATH
>A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he needs
.
>A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't need.
>GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS
>A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.
>A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.
>A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.
>A successful woman is one who can find such a man.
>HAPPINESS
>To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.
>To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.
>LONGEVITY
>Married men live longer than single men, but married men are a lot more willing to die.
>MEMORY
>Any married man should forget his mistakes, there's no use in two people remembering the same thing.
>APPEARANCE
>Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.
>Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
>PROPENSITY TO CHANGE
>A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.
>A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.
>DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE
>A woman has the last word in any argument.
>Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.
>COMPREHENSION
>There are 2 times when a man doesn't understand a woman - before marriage
>and after marriage.
>HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED:
>Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and
>cackling, telling me, "You're next."
>They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
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