DISCLAIMER: We do not know/own the characters from Everwood or Survivor. This story is simply a work of fiction!

It is a bright and sunny summer day.

Brandy and Melissa are driving along the highway in a mini-van.

Suddenly the girls hear a strange noise…

Brandy: What was that?

Melissa: I don’t know. Stop the car.

(Brandy pulls over and the girls step out of the car)

Brandy: Looks like we have a flat tire.

Melissa: (Looks around) I see a town up ahead. Why don’t we walk there and see if we can get some help?

Brandy: Alright.

(The girls walk past a sign that reads “Welcome to Everwood”)

Melissa: Everwood? That sounds so fake.

Brandy: Touche.

(Suddenly a man runs up the girls)

Irv: Hello there! Welcome to Everwood. Everwood is a fabulous town. Want to hear about it? We have a bridge here…

Brandy: Umm…that’s great.

Irv: Yes, it is. Want to hear about…

Melissa: Actually we just need to use a phone.

Irv: (Offended that the girls don’t want to hear his stories) You can use the phone next to Dr. Brown’s office. Dr. Brown in the new doctor in this town. He…

Brandy: Okay, thanks!

(The girls walk towards the pay phone when a man walks out of the doctor’s office)

Dr. Brown: Hello there! Welcome to Everwood. I’m the new doctor in town. This is my office.

Melissa: Uh, yeah, that guy filled us in.

(Dr. Abbott walks out of his office and is heading toward Dr. Brown and the girls)

Dr. Abbott: (Under his breath) Who are those two girls? Why are they talking to my Dr. Brown? Not that he belongs to me or anything or like I have a boy crush on him or something.

Brandy: We actually just need to use the phone and we’ll be going.

Dr. Abbott: Hello there. Andy who are these girls? I have never seen them in Everwood. I have been the doctor in Everwood for many years….

Melissa: Are you people on medication?

Dr. Abbott: What are you implying? That I am obsessive-compulsive? That I always have to have my way? That I have a boy-crush on Andy?!?

Dr. Brown: (looks longingly at Dr. Abbott) What? Did you just say you have a boy crush on me? I have dreamed of this day since I got to Everwood.

(Dr. Abbott and Dr. Brown embrace and begin making out on the street)

Melissa: Screw the phone. Let’s get out of here.

Brandy: Indeed.

Melissa: Wait…that was my line!

Brandy: Oh, sorry.

(A little girl runs towards the girls)

Delia: OH MY GOD!!! Daddy! What are you doing?

Dr. Brown: Ummm…

Delia: And I thought you had issues when you were talking to Mom’s ghost.

Melissa: This places just gets scarier and scarier.

Brandy: I’ve wet myself six times.

Delia: Do you know where God is?

Melissa: Umm…on an island in Thailand?

Brandy: Next to Jan’s stash?

Delia: I’ll check there next.

(Delia scampers off)

(Brandy and Melissa try to quickly escape, but they are not quick enough. A frantic girl runs up to them)

Amy: God! Please help me!!!

Melissa: How can we help you? What do you need?

Amy: My boyfriend is in a coma!! You have to feel bad for me! I haven’t gotten any sympathy from anyone in the last five minutes. I’m losing all my strength.

Brandy: Damn! You are really messed up. You know that right? You have like a monopoly on the victim card in this town.

(Amy grabs Brandy and shakes her)

Amy: But you feel bad for me right? My life is so hard!

(Brandy pulls out her gun and shoots Amy in the head)

Melissa: Brandy! That was so wrong!!!

Brandy: Yeah, but Mel that chick was REALLY irritating and….

Melissa: Why didn’t you shoot her in the leg? She would have had a much slower, more painful death.

Brandy: Touche. Sorry about that. You are so right! That would have been more fitting.

(An attractive-on-some-strange-level boy walks toward them)

Bright: You killed my sister…and my father is kissing Dr. Brown.

Melissa: And you’re okay with all of this?

Bright: (Shrugs) Just another day in Everwood.

Brandy: Are you gay?

Bright: (Looks nervous): What?

Melissa: (Looks thoughtfully at Bright) You do give off a certain pang-pang vibe.

Bright: Excuse me?

Brandy: You are so right.

Bright: Look just because five minutes before the accident Colin asked me to be his boyfriend does not mean I am gay.

Melissa: I WANNA GO HOME!!!

Brandy: Me too!! Let’s run!

(Brandy and Melissa run out of town but when they almost reach the road they see a familiar face)

Irv: So, how are you ladies liking Everwood so far?

Brandy: This place is messed up. Everyone here is on some bad stuff.

Irv: But Everwood has such a rich history. See that building over there…that used to be the gas station where everyone would get their gas and meet on Sunday afternoon….

(Melissa grabs Brandy’s gun and shoots Irv in the legs)

Irv: (laying on the ground bleeding to death) How could something like this happen in Everwood? This is such a great town. Why I remember the time….

(Brandy shoots Irv in the head)

Brandy: He wasn’t suffering as much as we were.

Melissa: Touche. Touche!

(A woman runs towards the girls)

Edna: You two just killed my husband!!

Melissa: You were married to him? How could you stand listening to his constant babble?

Brandy: Wait! Are you saying that you two were an inter-racial couple?

Edna: Yeah.

Melissa: Damn it Brandy! You just committed a hate crime.

Brandy: Oh great. Just what I need added to my record.

Edna: I’m calling the police!

Brandy: Technically Melissa shot him first. I just eased his pain and ended it quickly.

Melissa: Don’t you try to pin this on me. I have a perfect record. You already shot that irritating martyr girl. What’s one more thing on your record?

Edna: I’m gonna go get my gun and my bike and well see who gets what on their record.

(Edna runs off)

Brandy: We gotta get out of here.

(As Brandy and Melissa run out of town they see a boy standing on the side of a bridge about to jump.)

Ephram: Don’t try to stop me. I can’t stay in this town any longer. This place is a hell hole.

Brandy: No argument here. We are actually on our way out of town. We “accidentally” killed a few people.

Ephram: Like who?

Melissa: That victim girl and the irritating man who kept preaching us Everwood’s fine history.

Ephram: You two killed Amy and Irv? Amy is dead? I guess I can go on living now.

Thanks. Since you guys are leaving mind if I come too?

Brandy: Well….you are a little cutie pie, so sure. Come on.

Ephram: I’m not cute. I’m a loser and no one likes me.

Melissa: You poor thing. People are so blind. You have the sexy tormented, rebellion thing down.

Brandy: Damn Straight!

What happened next…

Melissa, Brandy, and Ephram left Everwood…never to return. Dr. Brown and Dr. Abbott moved to Vermont where there love was actually legal. Edna married the next man that came along cause she’s not the mourning type. Bright continued to live in denial of his gayiety. Delia eventually found God and Jesus on an island in Thailand with a man named Robb. People were a little sad that Irv was gone because now they had to drive their own kids to school but they were happy to no longer listen to his stories of Everwood. As for Amy…well no one really cared.

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