Disclaimer: All characters belong to JK Rowling.

Bring on the flames we have several bags of marshmallows!!

(Harry, Ron, and Hermione are discussing their History of Magic homework.)

Harry: I don’t know who Cassandra Mahoney is??

Hermione: Well we need to know for our test. Lets ask Percy I bet he knows.

Ron: Super idea Hermione. Cause I sure as hell don’t know!!

(They walk to Percy’s Room but when they get to the door they hear strange noises.)

Harry: Oh My Merlin!! What is going on in there???

Hermione: It sounds like Percy is having sex with someone.

Ron: I don’t understand. Percy doesn’t have a girlfriend since Penelope dumped him.

(Harry cautiously knocks on the door.)

Percy’s muffled voice is heard inside the room.

Percy: Oh shit!! Oliver hide in the closet quickly!!

(Harry and Hermione giggle.)

Ron: I don’t understand!! What’s so funny???

(Percy opens the door just a crack and is smoking a cigarette.)

Percy: This really isn’t a good time. I’m a little..uh..busy.

Harry: What?? Busy getting…busy?

Percy: I resent that comment.

(A crash is suddenly heard and Percy looks back to see what it is and the door opens all the way.)

Ron: Oh My Merlin!! Oliver Wood just came out of the closet and he’s smoking too. I don’t understand!!

(Harry proceeds to bitch slap Ron.)

(Wood walks over to Harry and whispers in his ear.)

Wood: Would you like to join us later??

Harry: Oh dear Merlin no!! What the hell is wrong with you. Do I look GAY???!???

Wood: Well I have read some pretty interesting stories on fanfiction.net about you and Draco.

Ron: Wait!! Percy is gay?!?!?!? Hermione please hold Scabbers. I need to go masturbate now.