TIT-BITS

1 August '98 Volume 1.1

1 Matrimonial
2 Science Review
3 Sports Round-up
4 Mal Advisor
5 Believe it or Not !
6 Quotes of the Week
7 Fantasy
8 Crosswords
9 Still to Come ...

"There are those who so dislike the nude that they find something 
indecent in the naked truth ..."
For a very long time, we the editors felt that there was an intrinsic 
need for the BITSians to express themselves in their own natural self. 
We felt a distinct need for a medium to raise the average 'intellectual' 
and 'awareness' level of our fellow coexistors [both biological forms].


What with the increasing  ghottu  sessions, CG pressures   and   
indiscriminate   transfers compounded by unwarranted near maxes and 
cracks, we felt  that the flow of vital information and stream of clear 
knowledge was getting dangerously impeded. So we herewith bring out for 
your sake "TIT-BITS" (no pun intended).  


And in remembrance of the 50th year of Independence, in order to retain 
our freedom of speech and expression, we prefer to remain anonymous.


Hope you have as much pleasure reading this as we had writing it !

- Editorial Board.




The glass of chai has always stood for all aspects of a BITSians life. 
In fact we may safely say that a BITSians life flows over glasses of 
chai's. This innocent chai has been the witness to innumerable 
eurekha's, proposals, refusals and has consoled many a faltering heart. 
The one and only permanent companion that one has had over all ups and 
downs of life here has been this humble glass of chai. When we sat down 
to brainstorm for a symbol to portray us, no other symbol came close to 
being as eloquent as this glass of chai ! We sincerely hope that you 
will be able to reminiscence about and ingrain yourself into the BITSian 
tradition as you go through this over yet another glass of chai ...




Wanted liberal, kinky girl, 5'4"-5'7", for sem use for a well-suited, 
old Bong doing Eco who landed a job at TATA ELXI (Marketing). Religion, 
caste, sex no bar.                 
193118

Wanted short, cute, comely girl for not so serious relationship for a 
tall, oldest, illad, comp-stud aspiring to be a Dean. Girls with Bio 
background preferred. Name should preferably be an anagram.                 
115025

Alliance invited from beautiful, highly educated (dualite), 'career' 
oriented girl for tiny, old, casata loving saurashtrian involved in 
union screwing activities.               
193725

Tall, kinky, jovial, football stud, chemical dualite, with offer in hand 
at WIPRO, aspiring to have fu in US, wants a tall, fun loving fourth 
year girl (preferably chemical) who is enjoys walking a lot.              
 041125

Desperately looking for a musically oriented, homely, ambitious tamil 
girl who promises 

not to tie a rakhi for a senile, confused TCS stud with maternal 
instincts who lives in MB!
211119

For a very tall balding mallu, job in CITIL, desired an open minded, 
intelligent 
(high CG), athletic girl . A long standing sound relationship is 
necessary.       
 010315

Wanted a soft delicate girl who can play bridge & tennis, and can swim, 
for a barbarian, 5'11", with a TCS job in hand.
184413

Old mallu casanova who has fascination for heavenly bodies needs help to 
cope up with his MMS CDC's, from an intelligent, outgoing cosmopolitan 
girl.                
222417

Ex-PAP Coord, who strongly believes MAN proposes, GOD disposes, after 
failing in 5 proposal attempts in a span of 8 months, is desperately 
looking for a girl. This baski stud has a job in WIPRO.                   
185302


Note  :  Old here always denotes a Malite, and, Replies shall be 
considered on a first come first served basis only. When applying, 
please quote the person's Matrimonial Number.



A Mess ...
A recent study by the department of Food Control Pune in Pilani showed 
that the BITSian's diet has a high nutrient content. This is attributed 
to the regular intake of high calorie and high protein insects. Samples 
of various insects (some unidentified and belonging to no known phylum 
or class) like flies, ants, LGMF's have been tested and all these 
conclusively prove that we get more energy than we actually pay for. 
Conclusions of Study : 

Mess bill is likely to increase in line with the market prices of these 
exotic insects.
BITSians can be selective in their food intake ! 

The calorie contents are :
Fly                   120 kcal
Ant                     95 kcal
LGMF                70 kcal
Cockroach     2170 kcal


All sportsmen appearing for BOSM are advised to intake cockroaches.

BITS, Pilani isn't very different from the rest of India when it comes 
to sports. All of us invariably follow the game Cricket.So TIT-BITS 
sports will concentrate mainly on Cricket, of the BITSian kind. Here a 
bowler is always a girl and the batsman a guy. Number of runs scored is 
measured by the minute. It's in everyone's interest to know that bowlers 
are in all varieties and you are likely to be bowled over by some. 
Similarly there are technically sound batsmen who are refined and there 
are rash ones who are easy targets. It's easy to sight night watchmen 
around MB just before 11 P.M., though unlike it's more boring variety, 
these night-watchmen are the best batsmen! Initially, we shall go by 
zonal basis - playing the Kanji trophy. Winners of each zone will play 
each other later. Suggestions and reports are welcome. 

Statistical Lecher Ledger



Starting from next issue, this column shall attempt it's utmost to 
answer all the BITSians queries on any topic under the sun and above it. 
Address any question to which you have always wanted and answer, but 
didn't know whom to ask. 

Gupsa Gupta



Out of 10 BITSians having completed 1 year are suffering from hair loss.

There are more couples going psenti than you think.

The youngest BITSian is just 15 and the oldest 26.

Newgen, A T (awti) developed a banking software that is reportedly being 
used by ANZ Grindlays, Standard Chartered....

There was once a make-up letter that actually started like 
 " As I will be suffering from syphilis ... "

When you start going psenti, you also start communicating in the 0-20 dB 
frequency  range.

The main source of nutrition for a normal BITSian is CHAI.

A sleeping BITSian need not necessarily have his eyes closed. For 
verification attend any class. Of course, if you are a BITSian, you 
can't verify this 'coz you would then be sleeping.

A person calling from S-9 to Budh Bhawan dialed 01596-42784.

A BITSian (part time film star) has married a top level executive at 
AT&T.




Ash's Postulate:
"If you think that that is just putting one thing into another, the 
point is seriously lost"

PV's Law:
" All MBites are my sisters"
Mal's addendum to PV's Law :
"We call then Anni"

Overheard : 
A 2nd yearites explanation !
Parent : Why is your CGPA only 4.5? Your friend next door has a CG of 
9.7.
BITS'i : Didn't you know appa? She is a dualite, I'm just a single 
degree student. My CG is only out of 5
.
Overheard:
Freshie: Amma, Amma, they give only one 'A' per course. So, ..... 

(her grade is implied here)