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The Afterdark Sonnets Those sonnets were initially written in the months of February and March of 2001. To Amy

I
Shivering as an abandoned leaf
While the wind comes light as a thief
In this valley of tears and human pain
Where my sorrow makes me go insane

How far are now those days of joy
When my soul was yours and myself your toy
Now bruised and battered, down to the bones
While my blooddrops keep falling, hard as stones

The snowflakes that in my hand refused to die
Reflexed as they were amidst your eyes
Melted into unsavoury water by the flame
That love brought by the force of your name

While I keep telling that this ain't the end
My faith and my despair in your memory blend

II
Carrying my load as patiently as I can
Farewell I go, from you so far
But closely attached my poor heart stands
In absolute darkness unbroken by a star

Not even white Moon in its shiny dress
Will light up the candle upon my misty way
Blind but with eyes, useless I shall stress
The solitude that deepens with each newborn day

Remembered you'll be; yet forgotten your face
But the unholy time won't heal my bleed
My wasted blood shall thrive to embrace
Your remains in its most perilous need

Yet if ever your sleep interrupted should be
For my last breath's warmth, may it not be for me

III
Heavily armed with all your graces
With no rest you command my very end
For I cannot detach from your embrace
And so resigned as a puppet here I stand

Defeated in sheer love, in my own fate
I await in the silence the vae victis of mine
If it has to come, make it no late
Because every day is harder to cross the line

Which between your sea and my desert lies
And delimits the realm of your love
Defiant and undomed your heart cries
Wanting to reach the blue heights above

Victorious you are, thus you aren't yet free
For the deeper I sink, the more you follow me

IV
From your love just cold ashes I claim
(That just cold remnants of happiness are)
For every step more into a cracking flame
Doesn't burn me up but covers me with tar

Just a handful of ashes, my fingers will dwell
In a silkening texture of a love I forgot
And my beating heart your name will spell
Not anymore slowly as it now hurts me not

I've crafted a cuirass made of bright brass
To shelter my heart from an aiming arrow
Yet it appears as if the metal turned into glass
When you are the archer, my armour is narrow

Repel an incoming blow, now my soul must
One more would crush it, two more ... make into dust!

V
Light sun rays, on its own wings of speed
This morning of hope again will enhance
Just as happened in my utmost need
The last year's summer, when my joy had no chance

My plea was listened when I saw you appeared
The Nature's beauty in your beauty was portrayed
In your lovely gaze my pains were redeemed
Who could have imagined that I'd feel so betrayed

The Sun and the river streams saw our delight
When those eyes of yours with passion were lit
And now, even if they still subsist so bright
No love in them remained, nor in me my blissful wit

How truly astounding is a real love's tick:
Always in the same attire and always unique

VI
O crystal water that with a voiceless voice
Delight the onlookers with your colourful play
When drops of the fragrance and waterfall's noise
Create a uniquely adorable day

O powerful stream that saw my finest hour
When my dearest was splendid as a pure-bred white dove
In the superb mixture of her skin and your colour
My eyes found rest and my soul found her love

Do you remember those elegant features
That once in your waters were so vivid and still?
With me you'd agree, when I say that such a picture
Never was portrayed by a poet's quill

Even this poor rhyme is by no means done well
As her magnificent beauty my words cannot tell

VII
The unknown fate in me is awake
And new hope is fueled by its true heat
As a rosebud opens when spring should take
The rulership of the days when winter retreats

I feel my own blood in its impatient flow
To feed my expectations and my tireless heart
The air I breathe and the stars that glow
Are companions of mine in this new start

It keeps my way wide-open even in days of rain
When all elements conspire to sink my thrill
O relentless love, just as one grain
Of your force is enough to shield my will

I've been kept in suspense, forever behold
But of this pain I've never been told

VIII
The unsheathed sword, glistening as a gem
Stands ready to combat the army of knights
Just like in the lone field the stature of elm
Is punched by the cold wind in freezing nights

But the mighty sword is only valiant if
Unchained from its sheath free it comes at last
For when it's covered, alone and captive
Its brave adventures are nothing but past

My love the same, when inside me deeply hid
Nothing but cold mourns can it receive
But free of its chains, high can it bid
Even if your beauty its eyes will deceive

But not for too much time love hover must
Or, like the sword, it will be covered with rust

IX
Never shall I return to your hometown
Because my love wounds healed won't ever be
When in the very place my love had grown
With other love your figure I see

Nobody will then let a single teardrop fall
To weigh on my relief's side of the scales
Nor shall I hear a solitary call
While the sun with its light a new day unveils

Covered with fog, alone will I wander
By this upside-down world of every day
Just sometimes, when the night welcomes thunder
I will remember your name to say

But, even defeatedm and by Fortune's hand misled
I'll never return to the place we had met

X
I can remember when my arms were your home
And when your head rested calmly on my chest
In those moments when I was so lonesome
You were a sanctuary, in your love I did rest

This poor heart, as a puzzle, you made
Sewed the holes in it, with your love's stitch
But not even your thread could evade
A castle of cards to fall with a smallest glitch

When your thread broke away, my heart did too
Who will rejoin the pieces that lie in peace?
Never in this life, I assure, anyone like you
Will I ever find, so lovely, gentle and please

Between the day and night, like a coin I toss
For greater my love was, now greater is my loss

The Last Sonnet
So far, so close by the heart inspired
Was my soul, while writing with black ink
As your mysterious ways my mind acquired
Everywhere when about you I came to think

When these lines would be read by many
Your image will survive the trial of fate
That's, my love, because of your uncanny
Force that forces me to capitulate

These last words, my debt will pay
Although my rhymes won't change your stance
Nor my heart, hungrily eager to say
That it misses your singular glance

Now I reckon there's a greater crime then theft:
To have loved and by the loved one to be left