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You Might Be a Child of The 80's If...
you have deep, personal relationships via computers with people
you'venever met in real life before
the phrase "going courting", to you, means fighting an unjust
trafficticket or playing tennis
you know, by heart, the words to any "Weird" Al Yankovic song
not that you'd do it personally, but body piercing captivates your
attention
you remember the days when cocaine was just fine in powder
form,thankyouverymuch
you think the "the Gay 90's" refers to this decade, and people's sexual
orientation
the Brady Bunch movie brought back cool memories
you remember the first time "Space: Above and Beyond" aired - it was
called "Battlestar Galactica"
songs by Debbie Gibson still haunt you to this day
three words: "Atari" "IntelliVision" and "Coleco". Sound familiar?
you remember the days that hooking your computer into your television
wasn't an expensive option that required gadgets - it wasthe ONLY WAY to
use your computer!
you remember the days when "safe sex" meant "my parents are gone for
theweekend"
you remember "Friday Night Videos" before the days of MTV
you ever owned a pair of "Pop-Wheels" - that handy little combination
ofshoe and roller skate that lasted about a year on the open market
a predominant color in your childhood photos is "plaid"
you're pissed that you couldn't really participate in the 60's, pissed
that you were a part of the 70's, think you wasted too much time doing
stupid, meaningless things in the 80's, and still have noclue what the
90's are all about
you see teenagers today wearing clothes that show up in those childhood
photos, and they still look bad
while in high school, you and all your friends discussed elaborate plans
to get together again at the end of the century and play "1999" by
Prince
over and over again
you remember when music that was labeled "alternative" really was
one of the top five questions you've always wanted answered was toRobert
Smith of the Cure - "What WAS that head on the door thing anyway?"
you were shocked and horrified at the Challenger explosion (which you
were probably watching in school at the time), and yet, when someone
mentionsthe name "JFK", the first thing you think of is "Oliver Stone"
you, yes you, sat down and memorized the entire lyric sheet to "It's
theend of the world as we know it"
you can't remember when the word "networking" didn't have a computer
connotation to it as well
you took family trips BEFORE the invention of the mini-van. You rode
inthe back of the station wagon and you faced the cars behind you.
you knew all the words to Billy Joel's "We Didn't Start the Fire", but
it
really didn't hold any meaning for you until about the third verse
you've ever conversationally used the phrase "Jane, you ignorant slut"
you watched HR Puffenstuff as a child, but now that you're older, you
really understand that it would have been much better had you known
about
drugs at the time
you've recently horrified yourself by using any one of the following
phases:
- "When I was younger"
- "When I was your age"
- "You know, back when..."
- "Because I SAID so, that's why"
- "What the HELL is this noise on the radio?"
- "Just can't (fill in the blank) like I used to"
you can't remember a time when "going out for coffee" DIDN'T
involve49,000 selections to choose from
Schoolhouse Rock played a HUGE part in how you actually learned
theEnglish language
Kids that work in restaurants and supermarkets are starting to piss you
off by calling you "sir" or "ma'am"
you're starting to view getting carded to buy alcohol as a GOOD thing,
and you're ready to marry the next person who cards youwhen you want to
buy cigarettes.
flashback: it was your first chance to vote in a presidential election,
and you were SO disappointed because, just for laughs, you really wanted
to vote for Gary Hart
the first time you heard the candidates names, you were pumped because
you thought MICHAEL Jackson was running for President, not this Jesse
character.
you ever dressed to emulate a person you saw in either a Duran Duran,
Madonna, or Cyndi Lauper video
at one point during your teenage years, you walked with a noticeable
tilt
to one side due to the number of plastic rings on that arm
"Celebration" by Kool & the Gang was one of the hot new songs when you
first heard it at a school dance
the first time you ever kissed someone at a dance fell during "Crazy
forYou" by Madonna
there were at least three people in your school that voluntarily went by
the names of "Skip" "Buffy" "Muffy" or "Dexter"
you ever owned one of those embarrassing crimping irons
you used to hold in your head the thought that all those gold chains on
Mr. T actually looked kinda cool and the thought that Mr.T made millions
seemed rational to you at the time
you remember with pain the sad day when the Green Machine hit the
streets
and made your old big wheel quite obsolete
the phrase "Where's the beef?" still doubles you over with laughter
you read the "Hot Video Games Player's Secrets" guide for Mortal Kombat
just so you could find the hidden screen, and play Pong again for old
time's sake
honestly remember when film critics raved that no movie could ever
possibly get better special effects than those in the movie TRON.
you ever had nightmares about the giant red evil robot Maximillian from
the Disney movie "The Black Hole" and those blender attachments he had
for hands
you were convinced for years that Batman was a mildly overweight man
with
a moderate beer belly who wore his underwear outside of his clothes and
talked strangely
(guys) your first wet dream occurred to thoughts of Jeannie, Marsha
Brady, Samantha from Bewitched or, for those hardcore comic fans out
there, Daphne from Scooby Doo, Josie or any one of her Pussycats
(girls) you thought Sean Cassidy was "dreamy", lusted after "Ted, your
ship's photographer" on the Love Boat and Chachi, or, to keep it fair to
the comically interested, thought Fred was just a hunk on Scooby Doo
you're still occasionally suffering flashbacks from your 21st birthday
party
you're starting to dread you're 30th birthday, and have even begun going
into denial about it's possibility
you've ever said "I'm a vegetarian" and immediately had someone call you
a hypocrite by saying "Nice leather jacket you have there...and gee, is
that a suede bag...those shoes leather, too?"
you're starting to believe that maybe 30 isn't so old after all, and
it's
those people over 40 you have to look out for
you freaked out when you found that you now fall into the "26 - 50" age
category on most questionnaires
you have begun to lust after women (or men) that it would be socially
inappropriate for you to date due to their age
your hair, at some point in time in the 80's, became something which can
only be described by the phrase "I was experimenting"
this timeline appropriately describes actual events in your life: Star
Wars opens, you are still in single digit ages, and you think the
creatures are WAY cool. Empire Strikes Back opens, you are now in early
double digit ages, and you are convinced that the special effects are
much better, the characters are cool, and you want one of every
collectible out there. Return of the Jedi hits the theaters...you are
now
a teenager, and you cannot get your eyes off Princess Leia's breasts or
Han Solo's butt. You fantasize forever and ever about it, and send off
to
join every fan club for them on the planet, hanging posters, photos, and
"teen"-type magazine spreads all over your walls and lockers at school.
you remember when the phrase "candy is dandy, but sex won't rot your
teeth" started getting followed by "yeah, but M&M's won't give you
AIDS..."
you've ever shopped at a Banana Republic or Benetton, but not in the
last
five years, okay?
you can't remember a time when "hitting the outlet stores" didn't mean
going to an electrical warehouse
you're starting to believe (now that it wouldn't affect YOU) that maybe
having the kids go to school year-round wouldn't be such a bad idea
after
all
you're doing absolutely nothing with anything pertaining to your major
degree
you won't walk into the place where you once knew every bartender on a
first name basis because "there's too many kids there"
going to keg parties no longer involves hiding out in the woods when the
cops show up
you want to go out dancing, you really, REALLY do, but your back hurts,
sorry
you're starting to think that Corvettes really look good, and aren't
REALLY for guy's going through a mid-life crisis and worried about their
penis.
That's not YOU.
you're starting to get that "why aren't you married yet" shpiel, not
just
from parents, but now from friends that are married
you've recently horrified yourself by groaning as you get out of bed,not
because of a hangover, but because it genuinely just hurt to do so
you're finding that you just don't understand more than half the lingo
used on MTV any more
(mostly guys on this one) sex is still as much fun as it used to be, and
you're still really interested in it, but you just want to make sure
there's nothing really good on cable that you'd be missing first
you ever wanted to be gagged with a spoon
U2 is too "popular" and "mainstream" for you now
you ever used the phrase "kiss mah grits" in conversation
When somone mentions two consecutive days of the week, the Happy Days
theme is stuck in your head for hours on end
you remember trying to guess the episode of the Brady Bunch from the
first scene
you ever used the phrase "don't make me angry...you wouldn't LIKE me
when
I'm angry" when trying to frighten someone off.
you spent endless nights dreaming about being the Bionic Woman or Wonder
Woman or the Six Million Dollar Man
you had ringside seats for Luke and Laura's wedding (on General
Hospital)
you remember "Hey, let's be careful out there"
you're parents wanted you to attend medical school, but you decided it
was pointless since Quincy got all the babes, anyway.
you know who shot J.R.
this rings a bell: "and my name, is Charlie. They work for me."
(
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