SIGNATURES SEEN ON THE NET
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1. Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
2. Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?
3. Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
4. We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.
5. Pentiums melt in your PC, not in your hand.
6. Suicidal twin kills sister by mistake!
7. Did anyone see my lost carrier?
8. Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.
9. I'm not a complete idiot, some parts are missing!
10. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.
11. A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.
12. Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.
13. There's too much blood in my caffeine system.
14. Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.
15. Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.
16. Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.
17. Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
18. Double your drive space - delete Windows!
19. What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?
20. If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
21. "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."
22. Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.
23. Oops. My brain just hit a bad sector.
24. I used to have a handle on life, then it broke.
25. I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.
26. I want to die peacefully, in my sleep, like my grandfather, not
screaming, terrified, like his passengers.
27. Better to understand a little than to misunderstand a lot.
28. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.
29. When there's a will, I want to be in it.
30. Okay, who put a "stop payment" on my reality check?
31. Few women admit their age. Few men act theirs.
32. I'm as confused as a baby in a topless bar.
33. We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?
34. All generalizations are false, including this one.
35. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
36. "Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.
These are some of the greatest .signature lines. I've actually got
well over 2000 of them, but nobody wants to read them all, do they? If
you do, you're welcome to grab the entire 100k+ file in html format.
Otherwise, just enjoy the ones I've picked, and if you come back often
enough, you may eventually see them all, since I pick a different
batch every now and then.
Copyright © 1994-1996 Phillip Winn
The Winner's Circle
http://www.winn.com/pwinn/humor/
(
geocities.com/siliconvalley/peaks) (
geocities.com/siliconvalley)