Question: If you could live forever, would you and why?
Answer: I would not live forever, because we should not live forever,
because if we were supposed to live forever, then we would live
forever,but we cannot live forever, which is why I would not live forever.
-- Miss Alabama in the 1994 Miss Universe contest
Researchers have discovered that chocolate produces some of the same
reactions in the brain as marijuana....The researchers also discovered
other similarities between the two, but can't remember what they are.
--Matt Lauer on NBC's Today show, August 22
I haven't committed a crime. What I did was fail to comply with the law.
-- David Dinkins, New York City Mayor, answering accusations that he
failed to pay his taxes.
Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of
your life.
-- Brooke Shields, during an interview to become spokesperson for a
federal anti-smoking campaign
I've never had major knee surgery on any other part of my body.
-- Winston Bennett, University of Kentucky basketball forward
Outside of the killings, Washington has one of the lowest crime rates in
the country.
-- Mayor Marion Barry, Washington, D.C.
Beginning in February 1976 your assistance benefits will be discontinued
...Reason: it has been reported to our office that yours expired on
January 1, 1976.
-- Letter from the Illinois Department of Public Aid
The Holocaust was an obscene period in our nation's history... this
century's history....We all lived in this century. I didn't live in this
century.
-- Dan Quayle, then Indiana senator and Republican vice-presidential
candidate during a news conference in which he was asked his opinion
of the Holocaust.
Rotarians, be patriotic! Learn to shoot yourself.
-- Chicago Rotary Club journal, "Gyrator"
The streets are safe in Philadelphia. It's only the people who make
them unsafe.
-- Frank Rizzo, ex-police chief and mayor of Philadelphia
I've always thought that under populated countries in Africa are vastly
under polluted.
-- Lawrence Summers, chief economist of the World Bank, explaining why
we should export toxic wastes to Third World countries
After finding no qualified candidates for the position of principal, the
school board is extremely pleased to announce the appointment of David
Steele to the post.
-- Philip Streifer, Superintendent of Schools, Barrington, Rhode Island
The doctors X-rayed my head and found nothing.
-- Dizzy Dean explaining how he felt after being hit on the head by a
ball in the 1934 World Series.
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