Random Quotes 3
Did you ever notice when you blow in a dog's face he
gets mad at you? But when you take him in a car he
sticks his head out the window!
Steve Bluestone
Have you ever noticed.... Anybody going slower than
you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a
maniac?
George Carlin
You have to stay in shape. My grandmother, she
started walking five miles a day when she was 60.
She's 97 today and we don't know where the hell she
is.
Ellen DeGeneris
I think men who have a pierced ear are better prepared
for marriage. They've experienced pain and bought
jewelry.
Rita Rudner
I would love to speak a foreign language but I can't.
So I grew hair under my arms instead.
Sue Kolinsky
I'm not into working out. My philosophy: No pain, no
pain.
Carol Leifer
I have a great diet. You're allowed to eat anything
you want, but you must eat it with naked fat people.
Ed Bluestone
The second day of a diet is always easier than the
first. By the second day you're off it.
Jackie Gleason
I went into a McDonald's yesterday and said, "I'd like
some fries." The girl at the counter said, "Would you
like some fries with that?"
Jay Leno
I date this girl for two years -- and then the nagging
starts: "I wanna know your name..."
Mike Binder
Advertising: The science of arresting the human
intelligence long enough to get money from it.
Stephen Leacock
The reason most people play golf is to wear clothes
they would not be caught dead in otherwise.
Roger Simon
You have a cough? Go home tonight, eat a whole box of
Ex-Lax, tomorrow you'll be afraid to cough.
Pearl Williams
I'm desperately trying to figure out why kamikaze
pilots wore helmets.
Dave Edison
If it weren't for electricity we'd all be watching
television by candlelight.
George Gobel
Don't spend two dollars to dry clean a shirt. Donate
it to the Salvation Army instead. They'll clean it
and put it on a hanger. Next morning buy it back for
seventy-five cents.
Billiam Coronel
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