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A bunch of Star Wars Fun!!!
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*** Top 10 Reasons the Star Wars Characters Would Kick Butt in the ***
*** Star Trek Universe:						   ***

10. In the Star Wars universe, weapons rarely, if ever, are set on
"stun."

9. The Enterprise needs a huge engine room with an anti-matter unit
and a crew of twenty just to go into warp -- the Millennium Falcon
does the same thing with R2-D2 and a Wookiee.

8. After resisting the Imperial torture droid and Darth Vader,
Princess Leia still looked fresh and desirable. After pithy
Cardassian starvation torture, Picard looked like hell.

7. Jabba the Hutt would eat Harry Mudd for trying to cut in on his
action.

6. Luke Skywalker is not obsessed with sleeping with every alien he
encounters.

5. One word: "light sabers".

4. The Federation would have to attempt to liberate any ship named
Slave I.

3. Darth Vader could choke the entire Borg empire with one glance.

2. Picard pilots the Enterprise through an asteroid belt at
one-quarter impulse power. Han Solo floors it.

1. The Death Star doesn't care if a world is class "M" or not.

______________________________________________________________

SUBJ: STAR WARS -- The Musical

** Y.O.D.A (To the Village People's "Y.M.C.A")
**
** (As sung by master Yoda, on meeting Luke Skywalker).

YOUNG MAN, I saw your ship come down. I said
YOUNG MAN, now it's muddy and brown. I said
YOUNG MAN, put your weapon away, 'cause I
*MEAN* *YOU* *NO* *HARM* *I* *SAY*
YOUNG MAN, There's no need to feel fear. I am
WONDERIN', tell me why are you here? How you
GROWIN', from this food on the plate, I say
*WARS* *DO* *NOT* *MAKE* *ONE* *GREAT*

You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
He's 900 years old!
He's so strong in the Force!
Do your Jedi Diploma course!

You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
Come and get yourself clean!
Come and have a good meal!
Pretty soon now, the Force you'll feel!

YOUNG MAN, you fell out of the sky, into
SOMETHIN' brown that smells like a sty, and this
TIN CAN started swimming and then, he got
*SPAT* *OUT* *LIKE* *SOME* *THROAT* *PHLEGM*
YOUNG MAN, Welcome to Dagobah. He is
COMIN', master Yoda not far. I'll be
HAVIN' this bright thing that ain't hot. It is
*MINE* *OR* *I'LL* *HELP* *YOU* *NOT*

You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
You must be here to see Y.O.D.A.
He's 900 years old!
He's so strong in the Force!
Do your Jedi Diploma course!

You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
You must be here to see Y.O.D.A
Don't just stand in the rain!
You're all covered with mud!
come and sample my homemade crud!

OLD BEN, Are you listenin' to me? I can't
TRAIN HIM, he's so reckless you see! Like his
OLD MAN, he's so angry but brave! Betcha
*HE* *SCREWS* *UP* *AT* *THE* *CAVE*
YOUNG MAN, If you start will you end, or be
GOING, off to save all your friends? To be
TRAINING, needs commitment and work, if you
*WIMP* *OUT* *THEN* *YOU'RE* *A* *JERK*

You gotta stay here with Y.O.D.A
You gotta stay here with Y.O.D.A
You should stay here and train!
You don't have to save Han!
If you do so, you'll lose your hand!

You gotta stay here with Y.O.D.A.
(repeat and fade).

-------------------

** Imperial Rhapsody by: Queen
**
** (sung to: Bohemian Rhapsody)

LANDO: This is the good life
This is a fantasy
Working on Bespin
An escape from Reality.
LEIA: Open your eyes
Stand up to these guys and see.
LUKE: I'm just a farmboy, I need some sympathy
Cuz who's my dad, I dunno
Little whine, little moan.
HAN: Anywhere the Force goes, doesn't really matter, to me

PIETT: Vader just killed a man.
Raised an arm up in the air
Now his life is no longer there.
Vader, we had just begun,
And now I've gone and lost the reb-el scum.
Vader, ooooooo.
Didn't mean to make you mad
If I'm not alive again this time tomorrow,
There'll be a new admiral, as if nothing ever happened.

YODA: Too late, my time has come,
Sends shivers down my spine
Body's aching all the time.
LUKE: Goodbye everybody, I've got to go
Gotta leave you all behind and learn the Force.
PIETT: Vader, ooooooooo.
I don't want to die
I sometimes wish I'd never been born at all.

LUKE: I see a little silhouetto of a man
Palpatine, Palpatine, can it be the Emperor?
Thunderbolts and lightning, very very hurting me!
R2-D2, R2-D2,
R2-D2, R2-D2,
R2-D2, Where'd ya go? C-3PO O O O O O OH!
I'm just a farmboy, nobody loves me.
REBELS: He's just a farmboy, with a dead family.
Spare him this life of such mendacity!
HAN: Spice'll come, spice'll go. Jabba let me go.
JABBA: Bo shuda! (NO, we will not let you go)
HAN: Let me go!
JABBA: Bo shuda! (We will not let you go)
HAN: Let me go!
JABBA: Bo shuda! (We will not let you go)
HAN: LET ME GO!
JABBA: WILL NOT LET YOU GO!
HAN: LET ME GO!
JABBA: WILL NOT LET YOU GO!
HAN: LET ME GO!
JABBA: NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO!

C3PO: Oh R2-D2, R2-D2, R2-D2, Come along.
LEIA: C-3PO has a rebel put aside for meeeee, for meeeeee,
  for MEEEEEEEEEEEEE!

(Stormtroopers start headbanging)

LUKE: So you say you're the dear old dad of mine?
But you cut my hand off and left me to die!
Oh Vader, can't do this to me, Vader.
I know there's some good, I know there's still some good in you.

OBIWAN: May the Force be with you.
Use the Force to see.
May the Force be with you,
May the Force be with you, alwaaaaaaaaaaaaays.

HAN: Anywhere the Force goes, doesn't really mat-ter,
  to meeeeeeee.

-----------------------

** THE MAX REBO BAND
**
** (To Billy Joel's "The Pianoman")

It's nine o'clock down at Jabba's place
the regular crowd waddles in
there's a weird thing sitting next to me
it has three eyes and mottled gray skin.

Fett says Max can you play me a memory
I'm not really sure how it goes
but it's haunting and sweet and if you miss a beat
this carbine will blow off your nose.

He said sing us a song now, Max Rebo Band
sing us a song tonight
'cause we're all in the mood for a melody
except Solo, who's in carbonite.

La de de da, de de da
La da de de da, da dum..

Now Jabba the Hutt is a friend of mine
he gives me my life for free
And because he's a Hutt, why, we all kiss his butt
or the rancor will have us for tea.

He said "Bo Shuda, offom da Tukatti!"
as he stuffed a frog into his face
but we don't know a woid, 'cause he shot the talkdroid
So we'll smile and nod, just in case.

Oh, La de de da, de de da
La da de de da, da dum..

Sing us a song now, Max Rebo Band
sing us a song tonight
'cause we're all in the mood for a melody
except Solo, who's in carbonite.

Sy Snootles is our favorite vocalist
her face it ain't launching no ships.
Don't know why it behoove her to go kiss a Hoover
but that's how she got those weird lips.

A Gammorean guard is headbutting bricks
as another one gnaws on a bone
and I don't know which has less intelligence
either those two big thugs or the stone.

Sing us a song now, Max Rebo Band
sing us a song tonight
'cause we're all in the mood for a melody
except Solo, who's in carbonite.

Oh, la da da da de de dah
la da de de da dah dum..

It's a pretty good crowd, here at Jabba's place
it's a killing, that's why we're all here
we'll sail over the dune to the pit of Carkoon
and we'll toss someone in with a cheer.

'Cause we gotta new droid on the pedestal
and a man in black's come in the door
he just pointed a gun over Salacious Crumb
and then promptly sank through the floor.

Oh, La de de da, de de da
La da de de da, da dum..

Sing us a song now, Max Rebo Band
sing us a song tonight
for the Jedi Skywalker is down below
and the rancor is gripping him tight

___________________________________________________________________

SUBJ: The Top 10 Surprises in the Re-Mastered "Star Wars"
>From the "Top Five List," top5@walrus.com, 

10. He might not look as fearsome as before, but that Primatene Mist
of Darth Vader's seems to have helped his breathing immensely.

9. Added scene in which Tonya Harding whacks Princess Lea on the
knee with a light saber.

8. Luke accused of killing ex-wife and advised by Obi Wan to "Use
the Fifth, Luke."

7. The commercial tie-in appearance of Jabba's big brother, Pizza
the Hut.

6. Newly-colorized Darth Vader is mauve.

5. C3PO has a conspicuous "Intel Inside" sticker on his shiny brass
a**.

4. Han, Luke, Obi-Wan and C3PO now sporting b*tchin' goatees.

3. Anti-fur activists from planet PETA spray Chewbacca with red
paint.

2. The X-Wing pilot who blows up the Death Star? Richard Jewell.

1. Dismembered victim of Obi-Wan Kenobi's light saber in bar scene
none other than John Wayne Bobbitt.

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