WHAT WIVES SHOULD KNOW

>     TOP 40 RULES THAT HUSBANDS WISH WIVES KNEW
>
>
>
>     40. If you think you're fat, you probably are. Don't ask us.
>
>     39. Learn to work the toilet seat: if it's up put it down.
>
>     38. Don't cut your hair. Ever.
>
>     37. Birthdays, Valentines, and Anniversaries are not quests to
>     see if he can find the perfect present, again!
>
>     36. If you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect
>     an answer you don't want to hear.
>
>     35. Sometimes, he's not thinking about you. Live with it.
>
>     34. Don't ask him what he's thinking about unless you are
>     prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation
>     and monster trucks.
>
>     33. Get rid of your cat. And no, it's not different, it's just
>     like every other cat.
>
>     32. Dogs are better than ANY cats. Period.
>
>     31. Sunday = Sports. It's like the full moon or the changing of
>     the tides. Let it be.
>
>     30. Shopping is not sport.
>
>     29. Anything you wear is fine. Really.
>
>     28. You have enough clothes.
>
>     27. You have too many shoes.
>
>     26. Crying is blackmail. Use it if you must, but don't expect
>     us to like it.
>
>     25. Your brother is an idiot, your ex-boyfriend is an idiot and
>     your Dad probably is too.
>
>     24. Ask for what you want. Subtle hints don't work.
>
>     23. No, he doesn't know what day it is. He never will. Mark
>     anniversaries on a calendar.
>
>     22. Yes, peeing standing up is more difficult than peeing from
>     point blank range. We're bound to miss sometimes.
>
>     21. Most guys own two to three pairs of shoes-what makes you
>     think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would
>     look good with your dress?
>
>     20. Yes and No are perfectly acceptable answers.
>
>     19. A headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. See a
>     doctor.
>
>     18. Your Mom doesn't have to be our best friend.
>
>     17. Foreign films are best left to foreigners.
>
>     16. Check your oil.
>
>     15. Don't give us 50 rules when 25 will do.
>
>     14. Don't fake it. We'd rather be ineffective than deceived.
>
>     13. It is neither in your best interest nor ours to take the
>     quiz together.
>
>     12. Anything we said 6 or 8 months ago is inadmissible in an
>     argument. All comments become null and void after 7 days.
>
>     11. If you don't dress like the Victoria's Secret girls, don't
>     expect us to act like soap opera guys.
>
>     10. If something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one
>     of the ways makes you sad and angry, we meant the other one.
>
>     9.  Let us ogle. If we don't look at other women, how can we
>     know how pretty you are?
>
>     8.  You can either ask us to do something OR tell us how you
>     want it done - not both.
>
>     7.  Whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say
>     during commercials.
>
>     6.  Christopher Columbus didn't need directions, and neither do
>     we.
>
>     5.  Women wearing Wonderbras and low-cut blouses lose their
>     right to complain about having their chest stared at.
>
>     4.  Consider Golf a mini-vacation from you. We need it, just
>     like you do.
>
>     3.  Telling us that the models in the men's magazines are
>     airbrushed makes you look jealous and petty and it's certainly not
>     going to deter us from reading the magazines.
>
>     2.  The relationship is never going to be like it was the first
>     two months we were going out.
>
>
>
>     AND FINALLY, THE NUMBER ONE RULE:
>
>     1. Don't rub the lamp if you don't want the genie to come out.