RANDOM THINGS

>> A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to
>> go to
>> the doctor. He asked the doctor what he could do to cure his problem.
>> In
>> response, the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready
>> to
>> ejaculate, try startling yourself."  That same day the man went to the
>> store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this
>> suggestion, he ran home to his wife. At home, he found his wife was in
>> bed,
>> naked and waiting. As the two began, they found themselves in the 69
>> position.  The man, moments later, felt the sudden urge to ejaculate
>> and
>> fired the starter pistol. The next day, the man went back to the
>> doctor.
>> The doctor asked, "How did it go?"  The man answered, "Not that
>> well...
>> when I fired the pistol, my wife shit on my face, bit 3 inches off my
>> penis
>> and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"
>>
>>
>>
>> Two guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a
>> state
>> trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick,
>> the driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the
>> head
>> with the stick. The driver says, "Why'd you do that?
>> The trooper says, "You're in Texas, son. When I pull you over, you'll
>> have
>> your license ready."
>> Driver says, "I'm sorry, officer, I'm not from around here."
>> The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean.  He
>> gives
>> the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and
>> taps
>> on the window. The passenger rolls his window down, and the trooper
>> smacks him with the nightstick. The passenger says, "What'd you do
>> that
>> for?"
>> The cop says,"Just making your wishes come true."
>> The passenger says, "Huh?"
>> The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna say,
>> 'I wish that mother fucker would've tried that shit with me!'"
>>
>>
>> 1) Four people were injured in a string of related bizarre accidents.
>> Sherry Moeller was admitted with a head wound caused by flying
>> masonry,
>> Tim Vegas was diagnosed with a mild case of whiplash and contusions
>> on his chest, arms and face, Bryan Corcoran suffered torn gum tissue,
>> and Pamela Klesick's first two fingers of her right hand had been
>> bitten
>> off.
>> Moeller had just dropped her husband off for his first day of work
>> and,
>> in addition to a good-bye kiss, she flashed her breasts at him. "I'm
>> still not sure why I did it," she said later "I was really close to
>> the
>> car, so I didn't think anyone would see. Besides, it couldn't have
>> been
>> for more than two seconds".
>> However, cab driver Vegas did see and lost control of his cab, running
>> over the curb and into the corner of the Johnson Medical Building.
>> Inside,
>> Klesick, a dental technician, was cleaning Corcoran's teeth. The crash
>> of
>> the cab against the building making her jump, tearing Corcoran's gums
>> with a cleaning pick. In shock, he bit down, severing two fingers from
>> Klesick's hand. Moeller's wound was caused by a falling piece of the
>> medical building.
>>
>> 2) TAOS, NM -A woman went to a poison control center after eating
>> three
>> birth-control vaginal inserts. Her English was so bad she had to draw
>> a
>> picture describing how she believed she had poisoned herself. A
>> translator
>> arrived shortly thereafter and confirmed doctors' suspicions. Marie
>> Clishnokov thought the inserts were some kind of candy or gum, being
>> unable to read the foil wrappers. After the third one, she realized
>> something was wrong when her throat and mouth began to fill with a
>> sour-tasting foam. She ran for the Poison Control Center, only a few
>> blocks away where doctors were able to flush the foam from her mouth,
>> throat and stomach with no ill effects.
>>
>> 3) La Grange, GA -Attorney Antonio Mendoza was released from a trauma
>> center after having a cell phone removed from his rectum. "My dog
>> drags
>> the thing all over the house," he said later. "He must have dragged it
>> into the shower. I slipped on the tile, tripped against the dog and
>> sat
>> down right on the thing " The extraction took more than three hours
>> due to the fact that the cover to Mr Mendoza's phone had opened during
>> insertion. " He was a real trooper during the entire episode," said
>> Dr.
>> Dennis Crobe. "Tony just cracked jokes and really seemed to be
>> enjoying
>> himself. Three times during the extraction his phone rang and each
>> time,
>> he made jokes about it that just had us rolling on the floor. By the
>> time
>> we finished, we really did expect to find an answering machine in
>> there".
>>
>> 4) TACOMA, WA -Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several friends
>> when
>> one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the
>> Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation grew
>> more heated and at least 10 men trooped along the walkway of the
>> bridge
>> at 4:30 am. Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered
>> that no one had brought bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued
>> drinking,
>> volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby.
>> One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other
>> end
>> was tied to the bridge. His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable
>> tightened and tore his foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived
>> his fall into the icy river water and was rescued by two nearby
>> fishermen.
>> "All I can say," said Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on
>> that night. There's just no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot
>> was never located.