MUSINGS ON THE Y2K ISSUE
>>The Top 15 Unforeseen Consequences of the "Millennium Bug" >> >>15.IRS demands a hundred years of interest from stunned taxpayers. >> >>14."99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" song gets stuck in infinite loop. >> >>13.At the stroke of midnight, Windows 99 turns back into DOS 1.0, the >Pentium V >>turns back into an 8088, and the Handsome User is left holding a beautiful >>glass mouse. >> >>12.Internet Movie Database now lists "1901 A Space Odyssey" >> >>11.Residents of Indiana have to figure out if they're off by 999 years, 364 >>days and 23 hours, or 1000 years and one hour. >> >>10.Bob Dole's age erroneously listed with only 2 digits. >> >>9.Mel Brooks's "2000 year old man" skit stops being funny... oops, too >late! >> >>8.Sales of Coca Cola jumps drastically after original cocaine-laden formula >>becomes legal again. >> >>7.Software engineers point out that since computers think it's almost 1900, >we >>technically have to "party like it's 1899," which, frankly, doesn't seem >like >>much fun. >> >>6.Microsoft declares the year 1900 to be the new standard of the "Gatesian" >>calendar. >> >>5.Jesus shows up late for His second coming, blames it on COBOL >programmers. >> >>4.Computers temporarily fooled into thinking Strom Thurmond is only 103. >> >>3.First Top 5 List of the year? "Reasons No One Would Ever Assassinate >>President McKinley" >> >>2.Using a computerized adoption service, Michael Jackson mistakenly takes >home >>some octogenarians. >> >>and the Number 1 Unforeseen Consequence of the "Millennium Bug"... >> >>1.Unexpected demand for COBOL programmers results in severe understaffing >of >>fast-food restaurants. >> >>=============snip >>apropos of which... >> >>EXPERTS WARN OF THREAT FROM 100GB BUG >> >>Firebringer News Service (FBNS) - Experts warned today of a new and deadly >>threat to our beleaguered civilization the 100GB Bug. >> >>As most people know, McDonald's restaurant signs show the number of >>hamburgers the giant chain has sold. That number now stands at 99 billion >>burgers, or 99 Gigaburgers (GB). Within months or even weeks, that number >>will roll over to 100GB. >> >>McDonald's signs, however, were designed years ago, when the prospect of >>selling one hundred billion hamburgers seemed unthinkably remote. So the >>signs have only two decimal places. >> >>This means that, after the sale of the 100 billionth burger, McDonald's >>signs will read "00 Billion Burgers Sold." This, experts predict, will >>convince the public that, in over thirty years, no McDonald's hamburgers >>have ever in fact been sold, causing a complete collapse of consumer >>confidence in McDonald's products. The ensuing catastrophic drop in sales >>is seen as almost certain to force the already-troubled company into >>bankruptcy. This, in turn, will push the teetering American economy over >>the brink, which, finally, will complete the total devastation of the >>global economy, ending civilization as we know it, and forcing us all to >>live on beetles. >> >>"The people who know - the sign-makers - are really scared of 100GB," one >>expert said. "I don't know about you, but I'm digging up a copy of THE >>FIELD GUIDE TO NORTH AMERICAN INSECTS and heading for the hills."