HALLMARK CARDS YOU WON'T SEE

>1.     So your daughter's a hooker,
>        and it spoiled your day...
>        Look at the bright side,
>        she's a really good lay.
>
>2.     My tire was thumping....
>        I thought it was flat....
>        when I looked at the tire....
>        I noticed your cat... Sorry
>
>3.     You had your bladder removed
>        and you're on the mends....
>        here's a bouquet of flowers
>        and a box of Depends.
>
>4.     You've announced that you're gay,
>        won't that be a laugh,
>        when they find out you're one
>        of the Joint Chiefs of Staff.
>
>5.     Heard your wife left you...
>        How upset you must be...
>        But don't fret about it  ....
>        She moved in with me
>
>6.     Your computer is dead...
>        it was once so alive
>        Don't you regret installing
>        Windows 95?


JDT, New and improved
6b.     Your computer is dame bread...
          It was once so great
          Don't you regret installing
          Windows 98?
>
>7.     You totaled your car...
>        and can't remember why...
>        could it have been...
>        that case of Bud Dry?