ALCOHOL WARNINGS

>The Government is considering additional warnings on beer and alcohol
>bottles, such as:
>
>13. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may make you think you are whispering
>when you are not.
>
>12. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an
>asshole.
>
>11. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring
>story over and over again until your friends want to SMASH YOUR HEAD IN.
>
>10. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like
>thish.
>
>9. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe that ex-lovers
>are really dying for you to telephone them at 4 in the morning.
>
>8. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may leave you wondering what the hell
>happened to your pants.
>
>7. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may cause you to roll over in the
>morning
>and see something really scary (whose species and or name you can't
>remember).
>
>6. WARNING: consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable rug
>burns on the forehead.
>
>5. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are
>tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named
>Chuck.
>
>4. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to believe you are
>invisible.
>
>3. WARNING: consumption of alcohol may lead you to think people are
>laughing WITH you.
>
>2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause an influx in the time-space
>continuum, whereby small (and sometimes large) gaps of time may seem to
>"literally disappear".
>
>1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may actually CAUSE pregnancy..