LETTERS TO LANDLORDS

>>>> Excerpts from actual letters sent to landlords ...
>>>> 
>>>> 1. The toilet is blocked and we cannot bathe the children until it is
>>>> cleared.
>>>> 
>>>> 2. I want some repairs done to my stove as it has backfires and burnt
>>>> my knob off.
>>>> 
>>>> 3. This is to let you know that there is a smell coming from the man
>>>> next door.
>>>> 
>>>> 4. The toilet seat is cracked: where do I stand?
>>>> 
>>>> 5. I am writing on behalf of my sink, which is running away from the
>>>> wall.
>>>> 
>>>> 6. I request your permission to remove my drawers in the kitchen.
>>>> 
>>>> 7. Our lavatory seat is broken in half and is now in three pieces.
>>>> 
>>>> 8. The person next door has a large erection in his back garden, which
>>>> is unsightly and dangerous.
>>>> 
>>>> 9. Will you please send someone to mend our cracked sidewalk?
>>>> Yesterday my wife tripped on it and is now pregnant.
>>>> 
>>>> 10. Our kitchen floor is very damp, we have two children and would
>>>> like a third, so will you please send someone to do something about
>>>> it.
>>>> 
>>>> 11. Will you please send a man to look at my water?  It is a funny
>>>> color and not fit to drink.
>>>> 
>>>> 12. Would you please send a man to repair my downspout? I am an
>>>> old-age pensioner and need it straight away.
>>>> 
>>>> 13. Could you please send someone to fix our bath tap? My wife got her
>>>> toe stuck in it and it is very uncomfortable for us.
>>>> 
>>>> 14. I want to complain about the farmer across the road. Every morning
>>>> at 5:30 his cock wakes me up, and it is getting too much.
>>>> 
>>>> 15. When the workmen were here, they put their tools in my wife's new
>>>> drawers and made a mess. Please send men with clean tools to finish
>>>> the job and keep my wife happy.