********************

                            QL
                           CLUB
                       INTERNATIONAL

                    ********************

                         ISSUE 110

                         MARCH 1998
                         E-MAIL MIKEKENNEALLY1@COMPUSERVE.COM


ANY AND ALL SOFTWARE SENT TO THE CLUB/NEWSLETTER WILL BE TREATED
AS PUBLIC DOMAIN UNLESS OTHERWISE STATED.

DEAR ALL,

WELL I MUST SAY IT HAS CERTAINLY SET THE CAT AMONGST THE PIGEONS
MY COMMENTS ABOUT WHETHER OR NOT TO LEAVE THE ADDRESSES IN LAST MONTH.

THIS IS GOING TO BE SHORT AND SWEET FROM ME THIS MONTH.

THE MAIN THING IS THAT NEXT MONTH I SHALL BE AWAY SO ONCE AGAIN
GRAHAM LUTZ IS STEPPING INTO THE BREACH,YOU ALL HAVE BOTH HIS ADDRESS
AND HIS E-MAIL ADDRESS SO ALL MAIL SHOULD GO TO HIM FOR NEXT MONTHS
ISSUE.

I SHALL BE SUNNING MYSELF ON THE BEACHES OF THE GIRONDE AND
,MARGARET DOESN'T KNOW THIS YET,DOING SOMETHING I HAVE ALWAYS WANTED TO
DO,SAMPLE THE WINES OF BORDEAUX,I SHALL BE IN HEAVEN!NOW ALL I HAVE TO
DO IS CONVINCE MARGARET SHE CAN DRIVE ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE ROAD!

BOB AND PAUL HAVE COME UP WITH AN AGE OLD PROBLEM AND IT IS AN
INTERESTING ONE EVEN THOUGH WE HAVE BEEN HERE BEFORE,READ THEIR LETTER
AND SEE WHAT YOU THINK.

THATS IT FROM ME I THINK THIS MONTH.SEE YOU ALL IN 2 MONTHS.

MIKE.




Email (work) : dilwyn.jones@bbc.co.uk
Email (home) : dilwyn.jones@dj.softnet.co.uk

Gear: Black Pentium PC with QPC 1.30, Aurora+Super Gold Card,
Toshiba T2400CS laptop with QPC 1.30, Amstrad ALT 286 + QXL, QL +
Gold Card + RomDisq, HP Deskjet 320, Canon BJ10sx and Centronics
GLP2 printers.

Last month I mentioned using .EPS files as clipart to load
into Line Design. Jonathan Hudson was most helpful in advising me
that he thought I was right to think that there exists some subset
of EPS and AI which are compatible, and that I was likely to find
some files would not work or lose some detail when using some
facility. He used Ghostscript to create an AI file and the picture
part loaded into Line Design OK, but the text effects disappeared.
As long as you know what the original picture looked like, you'll
know if anything is missing when you load it.

Mike asked what was happening with his Quill refusing to save
when he tried to quit. The answer is simple - he had changed
something in the text (what Quill counts as a change is sometimes
subtle, looking at it can be enough) and Quill tried to be helpful
by noticing a change and offering to save. By pressing 'A' to
abandon it would allow him to quit without saving. If in doubt at
times like this, press F2 to turn the prompts text on, which
explains what's happening.

ALL THESE YEARS AND I AM STILL LEARNING,ALTHOUGH I CANNOT
IMAGINE WHAT I DID!

The notion of being careful with our address and computer
details for files destined for the net is an interesting one. I
hope readers with any experience of anything bad happening as a
result of this will share the information with us. For example,
might we be burgled if we admit we intended to go to a Quanta
workshop one weekend? Or will we get double glazing salesmen
ringing us up all the time because they've taken the fact that we
have computers to mean we're "rich" ;-)) and a legitimate target
for sales pitches? Or will our email addresses be gathered up and
make us the target of loads of junk email? Interestingly, when I
signed up for an internet account with Softnet recently, the first
email I got was from Micro$oft, and the second was from a 'get
rich quick' scheme. Nuff said.

FUNNY I GOT ONE OF THEM TO,BUT I DIDN'T GET RICH QUICK EITHER
AS FOR MICROWHOEVER,I MUST NOT BE GOOD ENOUGH FOR THEM!

The Club QL back issues scheme is up and running. At the time
of writing, I did not have the full set of issues, but thanks to
Mike I've got most. Tim Swenson also said I could supply back
issues of QL Hackers Journal magazine on disk. At the time of
writing I had issues 1 to 27. As Mike and I manage to gather the
complete set of ClubQL back issues, the collection will become
more complete for people like Jean-Yves Rouffiac who'd like to
obtain back issues. We do have a copy of Issue 1 for nostalgia's
sake! The service is free - just send me a floppy disk with return
postage (UK) or International Reply Coupon outside the UK, and a
letter saying which issue(s) you'd like. Issues vary in size
greatly, so until I can make a list it's impossible to say how
many will fit on a disk - assume 2 (zipped) per disk until I can
make up a text file showing how long each will be. When that's
done I'll send it to Mike and it can be sent out on the newsletter
disk. I'm willing to try sending individual copies out by email,
but email requests to the new home email account above
(dilwyn.jones@dj.softnet.co.uk) only please, not to the BBC email
address at work or I'll be a bit unpopular at work. For floppy
disk copies, I can handle 3.5 inch DD, HD or ED disks, and 5.25
inch 80 track disks only.

I don't know how to save a Toolkit 2 ROM image from
SuperQBoard, but I would be wary of using the Reconfigurable
Toolkit as Mike suggested, as I don't think it's been actively
maintained for some time now, so any copy you manage to get might
be out of date. Also, since the Toolkit runs in RAM, it's possible
this might affect the network speed on a fast hardware system,
assuming this version of the toolkit even spports the network.

Transferring software from microdrive to disk isn't always as
simple as copying the files to disk and patching MDV to FLP in the
code. If this fails, another route you can try is to use the
FLP_USE MDV command if implemented on your disk interface. It
renames the floppy driver to pretend to be microdrives. This
caters for some difficult to transfer programs, but still dosn't
solve the big problem of copy protection on the very old QL
software.

Backup to VCR - I think the reason why this is expensive (in
hardware terms) is that the data being copied to tape would have
to be modulated so as to appear to be a TV or video signal as far
as the video recorder is concerned. Somehow, I doubt that even the
QL's magic network port could manage that. I do seem to remember
that some time ago someone wrote code to allow the network socket
to be used to save to audio cassette rather like the Spectrum
saved its programs and data. I can't for the life of me remember
who wrote the code, though I'm pretty certain that whoever wrote
it had a hand in one of the ZX81 or Spectrum emulators for the QL,
perhaps it was part of one of those emulators - someone like
William James of Speculator fame?

This has given me another idea. On a QL, the network socket
can be accessed by directly accessing a hardware address somewhere
in memory. I wonder if it would be possible to write software to
look at what's coming in here and to write out to it - result
could be that the QL could listen to what was coming in to the
otherwise idle network socket (speech recognition? audio
recording?) and play out sampled audio to an amplifier and speaker
connected to the network socket allowing the computer to play back
sampled sounds, for example? We'd probably find that we couldn't
get a high enough sample rate for good quality audio. I get the
impression that this is such a wonderfully simple and obvious idea
that if it was possible, it would have been done by now?

Dummies Guide to QPAC2. Back in DJC days, Norman Dunbar wrote
a little booklet for me along these lines, called the PE Idiot's
Guide. I wonder if Norman could be persuaded to release this as a
text file into the PD scene or into Quanta library, especially as
he's still a Quanta librarian, albeit living in Bradford now
rather than his native Scotland. One of the nice things about
pointer environment and QPAC2 (not the same things - pointer
environment is the part which handles the mouse, saving the
display when you switch between programs and so on, while QPAC2 is
a software package containing loads of little accessories for
pointer environment, such as a Files menu for copying deleting etc
files) is that you don't have to learn to use it all in one go.
You can start at a very simple level and work your way up. Just
about the simplest way is to make a simple boot program with just
what you need on it.

100 TK2_EXT : REMark ensure Toolkit 2 is on
110 LRESPR FLP1_PTR_GEN : REMark pointer interface
120 LRESPR FLP1_WMAN : REMark Window Manager
130 LRESPR FLP1_HOT_REXT : REMark hotkeys
140 REMark LRESPR anything else you need here
150 HOT_GO : REMark turn on hotkeys

Read about these elements in the QPAC2 manual and master
these first. In terms of starting and swapping programs, you can
achieve quite a lot with this alone.

 PTR_GEN provides the routines which control the on-screen
pointer arrow with a mouse or the cursor keys on the keyboard, and
also handles saving and restoring displays as you switch between
programs with CTRL-C.

 The Window Manager (WMAN) provides routines to assist the
programmer make programs which have a consistent look and feel to
them - ever wondered why so many pointer driven programs look
remarkably alike?

 The HOT_REXT file is the part which lets you use the
hotkeys. These are rather like the ALTKEY commands in Toolkit 2,
but much more versatile and lots of extra facilities. Read about
these in your manuals, as you'll find you can define keys which
will automatically start programs for you, commands like this:

ERT HOT_LOAD('q','flp1_program')

which look like gobbledegook (I can't even spell that!) at
first, so it's well worth reading up on these.

The next step is to introduce QPAC2 itself, adding this line
tothe BOOT program above.

135 LRESPR FLP1_QPAC2

You can start the menus of QPAC2 with the EXEP command until
you get used to the hotkeys you can define to start them for you.
For example, to start the files menu you can enter

EXEP 'files'

After a while, you'll have mastered this and feel ready to
move on to buttons, wake commands, picking programs and other
exciting and useful facilities. Don't try to tackle it all in one
go, best to find a friend or local user group member to introduce
you to bits of it gradually, or to help you when you get stuck.
The QPAC2 manual does have a tutorial of sorts, but it didn't
really manage to teach me very much when i was learning to use it.
It's a hell of a lot to learn at first, but well worth the time
and effort taken to master the subject in due course.

Directories. To the programmer, the term directories is
fairly self-explanatory. To the non-programmer, it is probably
easier to think of them as folders. Think of it in office terms.
You have so many paper files that you don't just stack them all
into one cupboard, it'd make finding the information a nightmare.
So you arrange to keep papers on given subjects together in one
folder within the cupboard or filing cabinet. So you might have
one folder for letters to customers, one for bills paid last year,
one for bills paid this year, one for bills you have no intention
of paying and so on. Some of these files will grow so large that
you split the folders up into sub-folders, for example, within the
'letters to customers' folder, you have folders for 'frequent
customers', another for 'occasional customers' and a third for
'lapsed customers'.

Carrying this analogy over to the QL, if we use several
programs and mix up the files on one disk, it can be hard to keep
track of which file is which, and what goes where. So we create
folders or directories on the disk, so that Quill and its document
files can live in one of these slots, Archive files can go in
another, your BASIC programs in another and so on. The folders or
directories are created with the command MAKE_DIR. To make a
directory for Quill files you could enter the command MAKE_DIR
FLP1_QUILL_ and copy all the files into it. Actually, Quill is not
a good example, as it doesn't handle directories very well (like
many QL programs of its age, written before directories came into
common use on the QL). Where these directories come into their own
is with QL hard disks, because if you are like me you have so many
files that if you try to DIR them all, you'd be there all day
reading the list. So my hard drive contains a number of
directories, so if I want to look at my BASIC programs, I just
type DIR WIN1_BASIC_, because I have saved all my BASIC programs
into that directory.

Making use of directories on the QL can be a test of patience
as you learn to use them, since not all software can make good use
of them and you have to resort to rather devious means to make
some older programs like Quill access directories - such as
learning how to use the DEV facility in Gold Cards, QXL and QPC
for example. It's well worth taking the time and trouble to master
the DEV device (and the similar SUB facility which comes with
Qubide).

If a program decides not to co-operate with directories,
here's a simple little work around which works for most programs,
Quill included. It works by fooling programs into thinking they're
saving to and loading from floppy disk drives, whereas they really
are working into directories. For the example, we'll assume your
Quill is set to work from FLP1_, but you want it to run from, load
files from, and save to a hard disk directory called WIN1_QUILL_.

First step - create the directory.

MAKE_DIR WIN1_QUILL_

Next step, copy everything from the Quill disk to the
directory on the hard disk.

WCOPY FLP1_ TO WIN1_QUILL_

Now before you start Quill, you have to enter these commands
from SuperBASIC.

DEV_USE 1,WIN1_QUILL_
DEV_USE 2,WIN1_QUILL_
DEV_USE FLP
FLP_USE FDV

The first two lines make any saves to the DEV device get
translated to the full directory name by the system. Since
programs like Quill only allow you to save or load to three
character device names like MDV1_ or FLP1_, the DEV device allows
these short names to be expanded by the system to longer directory
names to fool older software. With just the first two lines, if
you told Quill to save to DEV1_FRED_DOC, it would actually end up
changing the name to WIN1_QUILL_FRED_DOC without having to do
anything to Quill itself to patch it or anything like that.
However, the DEV facility lets us take it one step further. We
don't need to specify the DEV device at all, as the next trick is
to change its name to pretend to be the floppy disk drive, which
is what Quill is set up for. So after DEV_USE FLP, saving to
FLP1_FRED_DOC gets changed to DEV1_FRED_DOC which is the same as
WIN1_QUILL_FRED_DOC. Getting pretty mind blowing. One little
problem this has introduced is that QDOS suddenly doesn't know how
to access the floppy drive any more, because we 'stole' the FLP
name to rename DEV. So we can cheat and change the name of the
floppy drive to something like FDV (floppy drive?), so that if we
wanted to create a copy on floppy disk as well as hard disk, we
could save to FDV1_FRED_DOC. This is broadly how I use Quill to
generate my monthly newsletter contribution, saving it to hard
disk first and then saving a floppy disk copy for Mike.

Start Quill with EXEC_W FLP1_QUILL (which is really
WIN1_QUILL_QUILL - confused?). After finishing and quitting from
Quill, reset the devices to normal with these commands:

FLP_USE FLP
DEV_USE DEV

This is a rather convoluted method, but it is general enough
to cope with many of the otherwise difficult programs when it
comes to handling directories. This is a subject which is hard to
master at first, but if you can master it, it is well worth the
effort when you have a hard disk system. If you need to use this
sort of technique with a lot of your older programs, it may be
worth your while writing short basic programs to run before using
each program, to set up the DEV (or SUB) device names before those
programs.


Things. The reason why this term came about is due to the
very general and non-specific nature of these facilities. I was
over simplifying a bit to call them an area of memory with a name,
but that's probably as close as you'll get to a generalised
description. A Thing is a general resource for the operating
system. These little utilities are loaded into memory, and the
operating system keeps a list (called a Linked List) of these
facilities, so that it can find them. These have identifiers,
which may be recognisable names or just a short pattern of numbers
(commonly a 4 byte string). So if a program knows how to use a
particular thing it can search through the linked list to find the
name, then once found it can make use of the thing.

The thing can do just about anything the programmer designs
it to do. It can be an extension to the system, a means of passing
data, a storage area... that's why it got the name, because no one
could think of a better name which covered everything a 'thing'
could do. The closest I can come to an alternative name is
Resource. If you know how to use one 'thing' you don't necessarily
know what the next one does, they may all have different
functions! Having offered that explanation, I'm not an expert on
them and would welcome a full explanation from anyone willing to
write about them. If you don't understand them, or how to use
them, don't worry too much about it. Software which needs to use
given 'things' knows how to access them and you can usually live
in blissful ignorance of them until something goes seriously
wrong. Pointer environment programs use things rather a lot, and
you've probably been unaware of them without knowing you needed to
know!

Ian Pizer + RomDisq - you wouldn't happen to have a Gold Card
and Qubide would you? Speak to Tony Firshman about this, there is
a known problem when using that one combination, but I don't know
what the cure is. Before the RomDisq came out, Tony Firshman told
me that it may need a replacement chip for the Qubide, but I don't
know if that's the same reason now. Ask Tony Firshman if this is
the combination you have. Tony has also let it be known that there
is a minor upgrade consisting of moving a capacitor on the early
versions of RomDisq. Tony is also aware of a very obscure little
bug in networking files either to or from the RomDisq, but I don't
know very much about this.

PS/2 mouse with QPC. My laptop has a PS/2 mouse and at first
I ran into this problem. In Windoze, the mouse would work fine
(there's a first time for anything!) but could I get it to work
under QPC??? The solution turned out to be quite easy for me, and
I hope it works just as well for you too.

A disk of driver software came with the mouse. This was
intended more for DOS use than for Windows, after all Windows knew
how to drive a PS/2 mouse. I installed the DOS mouse software as
it stated in the instructions, and this created a directory called
MOUSE, containing a file called MOUSE.EXE. The PC's startup file
loaded this as a DOS mouse driver, and once QPC had been told
where to find this (it appears as one of the windows in the
installation process when you install QPC, and I think it's in the
configuration setup somewhere too). Provided QPC is able to find
this driver, it should enable the mouse to work under pointer
environment programs on QPC.

A little query of my own. I have installed Archivers Control
Panel v3.4 on my QPC system and it seems to lock up each time I
try to execute it as the first job under QPC v1.30 (SMSQ/E v2.84).
Interestingly, I bring up the channels menu from QPAC2 and it says
ACP has a PIPE device open, presumably sending the directory list
of files into a pipe and not managing to get them out the other
end.
Interestingly, if I CTRL-C out of it at this point and
execute a second copy, the second one works fine, then I go back
to remove the first locked up copy and all works fine. It seems to
work fine on other systems, so why should this be - anyone know?

Dilwyn Jones


THAT WAS MOST INTERESTING DILWYN,GIVE ME ABOUT 5 YEARS AND I MAY
BE ABLE TO UNDERSTAND IT ALL!



#!                            Martin Burke,
                              23rd April, 1998.
                   

Dear Mike and Friends,

JM version + Trump 768 + twin 3.5" disks, Philips CM8833
colour monitor (under repair) and its Tandy twin, 8056 printer,
Epson RX80 F/T, and Brother HR10 daisy-wheel printer; PSION3a,
Z88.

Sort of glad to hear that Mike is still having an interesting
time with his PC.  Talking of throwing machines: on Tuesday 7th
April I woke up about 7 a.m., somehow knew where I was and
understood myself to be in a good mood.  This has since struck me
as strange: okay, I was warm, comfortable, all my bits seemed to be
there, I felt rested, even good.  But that's not normally the way I
come to in hospital: I am usually peeved by my - or someone else's
mistake.  As it is I still don't know what happened - apparently
someone moved to the right as I was overtaking - though at least
the police don't seem to think I was at fault in any particular
sense.  I've been off work since then.  Bike, jacket and helmet
were written off.  I had no real injuries: just out cold for half a
day but my balance and co-ordination do not seem quite right yet.
(Whadd'ya mean - not very much brain, not very much damage?)  My
memory was also hazy for a few days and I cannot remember every
phone call made: so if I did call anybody without making much sense
- not much change there!.   

I DON'T BELIEVE FOR A MINUTE YOUR STORY MARTIN,I USUALLY
LOOKED LIKE THAT AFTER A GOOD SESSION!.BUT AT LEAST YOU APPEAR TO
HAVE RETURNED TO YOUR OLD SELF,AND YOU NEVER KNOW,YOU MAY GET A NEW
BIKE OUT OF IT ON THEIR INSURANCE,PLUS ALL THE OTHER EXTRAS YOU CAN
CLAIM!

Paul McPherson: I hope you are getting better all the time.
You are right: you have to get back in and working at something.
I'm niggled because they threw  me out of the hospital after only
three (two?) days.  Not that I can really remember that much.    

I don't know if there is/was anything particularly strange
about most PC directories and sub directories.  As far as I am
aware, they exist essentially as a sensible way of holding vast
amounts of data, programs, etc, in an understandable and accessible
("indexed") form.  This does mean that the user may have to set the
path(s) by which programs call sub-routines, data, etc. 

 
Yours,                

Martin Burke.
                                
#!


                                           
                                               P. McPHERSON,
YOUR Ref No: QLCI 110
                                               24th April 1998.
                                              
Fraternal Greetings Everybody,

Current equipment:  2xQLs (AH roms), one fitted with a Gold Card
and twin Cumana 3.5" floppy drive, the other with a Trump Card and a
single 3.5", an Amstrad DMP 3160 printer c/w a Miracle Serial Interface
and two of the three piece Tandata modem set (currently unused).

I havn't had much to do with my QLs in the past couple of weeks
because I have been busy trying to sort out my Hi-Fi system which has
decided to let me down for the first time since I bought it way back in
1979. Those were the days before mini systems were invented and
everything had to be bought separately which meant a plethora of wires
and cables to link everything together (analogue reeiver, 2 cassette
decks, graphic equaliser, 4 speakers a record deck and more recently a
CD deck). The problem is (I think) that our wonderfully efficient
District Heating System has resulted in the hundreds of metres of
complicated cables, their soldered connections to their sockets to
deteriorate and dry joints on the internal DIN and Phono sockets
themselves.

THANK GOD I'M NO GOOD WITH A SOLDERING IRON!

You might well ask why I don't invest in a new sound system, the
reason is probably the same as why I stick to the QL instead of moving
on to a PC, it's better than anything else available in my current
price range. I chose each item based purely on my particular taste in
sound rather than for it's looks, technical specifications or what was
the latest or most fashionable equipment available and ended up with a
system that sounded almost perfect to my ears. 

Unfortunately, this also means that when things go wrong, they
really do go wrong and I am pretty much on my own when it comes to
maintainance, spares and repairs since most engineers take the view
that it is uneconomical to repair, and recommend the latest in flashing
lights, digital everything and ergonamic miniaturised design. However,
very few of this generation of Hi-FI matches up to the SOUND quality of
my existing equipment, which is the very reason that I bought it. It's
the same reason why knowledgable guitarists prefer to use an old valve
based amplifier, why knowledgable photographers prefer to use old
fashioned large format manual cameras, and why knowledgable computer
users prefer a QL rather than any other machine, despite their inherent
limitations, long term futures and the obvious advances made in other
equipment. 

Of course, there is always the element of nostalgia and
familiarity to contend with in all of the above cases but there are
obvious parallels that hadn't really ocurred to me until things began
to go wrong with my HI-FI. I bought my HI-FI, cameras and QLs because
they were best suited to my specific purposes, not because they were
the latest, most expensive, prettyest, most fashionable or even the
best available. I guess what I am trying to say in an abstract way, is
that I, for one, will not be taking my QL so much for granted in the
future.

I KNOW THAT FEELING VERY WELL MATE.

I really like the idea of a tutorial on QPAC2 for dummies, perhaps
it could be accompanied by an additional "special" disc full of QPAC2
examples, boot files and tips. Perhaps similar tutorials could be
created in the not too distant future for the plethora of new QL
hardware as well as some of the more complicated software which is
known to baffle more than just myself, so that we too can get the best
out of it. 

THIS COULD BE ACHIEVED MATE,WE USED TO DO THIS BACK IN THE GOOD
OLD DAYS.IF ONE OF US WAS HAVING A PROBLEM WITH A PARTICULAR PROGRAM,WE
USED TO ASK AND GET A STEP BY STEP GUIDE TO IT COMPLETE WITH
SAMPLES.ASK AND THOU SHALT RECIEVE.

Another disc full of information like a list of hardware, software
and public domain suppliers, their prices, phone numbers and addresses
and what they have to offer could also be considered, not so much as a
glorified advertisment, but as a valuable information service and
resource to the ever deminishing band of QL users.

THIS ALSO IS IN HAND.

Similarly, perhaps QLCI members could write in and detail how they
have upgraded their QLs with any DIY projects they have undertaken to
improve their basic machines, thereby advising the rest of us on the
costs involved, the advantages, the pitfalls and just how they managed
to do it all? 

IDEAS,WONDERFUL!

And now to the question of the month: Can anyone explain why
several of Bobs PC discs will not load within just a few weeks of last
being used. They are a mixture of mediocre to high quality discs and
all present the same problem in that his PC claims there is nothing on
them, yet he knows there is. It seems to me as though they might have
been erased by a magnetic source, but they have all been carefully
stored well away from loudspeakers etc. 

COULD IT BE THE DREADED HEATING SYSTEM AT WORK AGAIN?

This is a proving to be a major problem that he, and several pf
his mates, are having both at home and on their college computers, and
they have lost some irreplacable "A" level project work as a result so
it is not just his PC that is at fault. (I keep warning them to back up
their work but it's also happening to their back up discs as well).
Could this be because some PC disc drives do not produce a strong
enough magnetic field when writing to discs or am I missing something?

Can I also pose another problem which I hope out PC experts can
resolve, not just for me but for all of the colleges in Sheffield? A
couple of weeks ago I was asked to represent six students, two of them
girls at a disciplinary hearing (I used to be a Welfare Rights Advisor
and the Chair of Govorners in a different life) at which they were
accused of storing pornographic images of their computer sites. I was
able to prove beyond all possible doubt that the accused students
(including Bob) were completely innocent, and that a "joker" had hacked
into their sites and saved the photographs to them. Naturally the
college apologised profusely, but even their technicians were at a
complete loss at just how to prevent it from ever happening again.   

I am sure that I have heard or read that there is some kind of
"parential control filtering device", software  and/or a dongle
available that can prevent pornographic images from being viewed or
saved from the internet. It seems to me that every school and college
should have such a device fitted to their servers, or even individual
computers thereby making repeat occurances of this incident virtually
imposible.

I SUPPOSE IT IS DOWN TO THE SERVERS AND WHAT THEY PROVIDE,ON MY
COMPUSERVE ACCOUNT THERE IS JUST SUCH A DEVICE FOR "PARENTAL
CONTROL"THIS ALLOWS ME TO BLOCK ANY SITE I DON'T WANT MY KIDS GOING TO.

I know that there are plenty computer whizz-kids that could
probably hack their way through any parential control device one way or
another, but if schools and colleges don't take adequate steps to
prevent it, they leave themselves wide open to the accusation that they
have been negligent in their duty to protect kids from these kind of
image. (They really were hard core pornographic images, not just Page 3
stuff).

ANY CHANCE OF THE WEB SITE ADDRESS?JUST KIDDING!

So, can anyone advise me about these parential control filters,
where they can be obtained and just how much they would cost as a
matter of some urgency? Could such a device be fitted to a server
thereby preventing pornography appearing on any computer in the college
network, or would each computer have to be fitted with a seperate one?

IN A COLLEGE ENVIRONMENT PRESUMABLY IT WOULD GO THROUGH A MIAN
FRAME SYSTEM,SO IT COULD BE INSERTED THERE.BUT THERE AGAIN WHAT DO YOU
BLOCK OUT,SEX AND PORN ARE PRETTY WIDESPREAD AND UNDER DIFFERENT NAMES.

                  BEST WISHES 
                  PAUL & BOB.


*!

Martin Wheatley martinw@ndirect.co.uk 

QL, SuperQboard, Twin Disc Drives, Green Screen Monitor Mersey Mouse, PC
running Xchange


Hi everyone,

---------------------- Mike wrote

AS YOU WILL SEE FROM BELOW I HAVE SLIGHTLY ALTERED THE WAY THE
LETTERS HAVE BEEN LAYED OUT.THIS IS DUE TO A SUGGESTION BY ONE OF OUR
READERS/CONTRIBUTORS.

THIS IS A THOUGHT WHICH NEVER OCCURRED TO ME UNTIL HE MENTIONED
IT.NOW WE ARE ON THE INTERNET OUR INFORMATION IS AVAILABLE GLOBALLY AND
WE SHOULD THEREFORE BE CAREFULL ABOUT THE INFORMATION WE LET OUT IN
PUBLIC.SO THEREFORE I AM ERASING EVERYTHING FROM THE LETTERS EXCEPT
YOUR E-MAIL ADDRESSES OR PHONE NUMBERS.

IF THERE ARE ANY OF YOU WHO OBJECT TO YOUR LETTER GOING ONTO THE
NET,THEN WHEN YOU SEND IN YOUR LETTER HIGHLIGHT IT SO I KNOW,THEN I
SHALL HAVE TO DO 2 COPIES ONE FOR US AND ANOTHER GLOBAL COPY.

AS AND FROM ISSUE 110,I SHALL LEAVE IT TO YOU WHAT YOU WISH PEOPLE
TO KNOW IN YOUR HEADERS,MOST PEOPLE WHO WRITE TO US WE KNOW BY NOW WHAT
SYSTEM THEY USE,SO IT SHOULD NOT CAUSE TO MANY PROBLEMS.

------------------------------

Odd the things you decided to leave since the most carefully
guarded  thing on the Internet are e-mail addresses.   As far as I know
Andy Halliwell edits the personal details before the newsletters are
put up on the Web site

THATS OK THEN MARTIN,BUT YOU KNOW ME OF OLD,NEVER COULD DO RIGHT
FOR DOING WRONG!

I wrote my header and if anything bothered me about what was there
I wouldn't include it in the first place!

I do think that removing the details of peoples systems is going
to cause much confusion.  That was why we decided to include them in
the first place so everyone could see the context in which others were
writing

OK MARTIN,I'M EASY.WHATEVER PEOPLE WANT TO PUT IN I'LL LEAVE
IN.ITS LESS WORK FOR ME AFTER ALL.
-------------------------------------------------


Mike wrote about his beloved PC

IT HAS BEEN DOING THE MOST STRANGE THINGS,BEFORE I GO ANY
FURTHER,I AM NOT USING ANY PROGRAMS OR FILES FROM ANY SOURCES OTHER
THAN 'STRAIGHT'SOURCES.FOR EXAMPLE,I CAN BE SITTING HERE QUITE MERRILY
TYPING A LETTER IN WORD AND ALL OF A SUDDEN,IF YOU PRESS THE WRONG KEY
ie 'P',UP COMES THE 'PRINT'MENU,OR 'F'AND THE FILES MENU APPEARS AND SO
ON.WHEN USING EXCEL,I TYPE IN A FIGURE OF `105.06 AND PRESS'ENTER'LO
AND BEHOLD IN THE CELL I GET 12/4/1900 02.36.24,IN OTHER WORDS THE 12th
OF APRIL IN THE YEAR 1900 AT 02.36 IN THE MORNING.


-----------------------------------------------------

Both of these things are easily explainable without assuming
supernatural intervention The keyboard thing is what naturally happens
when you press an ALT  key as well as another key - it's a shortcut to
a menu option and is supposed to happen.   The cause could be a
keyboard fault but is  far more likely to be what I always do - trying
to type too fast and  not hitting the keys squarely as a consequence.
You'll notice the 2 ALT keys are either side of the ENTER - it would be
very easy to  just catch the edge of an ALT key and not realise you had
done it Try slowing down slightly!

SORRY MARTIN ON MY 3 PC KEYBOARDS THE "ALT"KEY IS EITHER SIDE OF
THE SPACE BAR AND I ALWAYS KEEP MY FINGERS AWAY FROM THEM SPECIFICALLY
BECAUSE OF THAT PROBLEM.

 The Excel problem is also easy.  You have the cell formatted as a
date rather than a number.  Almost certainly you have used the cell for
something else previously and then deleted the contents without
remembering you had formatted the cell.  It would of course stay
formatted even if empty until you reformatted it to something else This
could have happened in any spreadsheet on any computer

THE FORMAT I USE IS THE "GENERAL"FORMAT,THIS WAY I CAN USE ANY
LAYOUT I LIKE WITHOUT HAVING TO WORRY ABOUT WHATS IN THE CELLS.IT
ACCEPTS BOTH TEXT AND FIGURES.THE PROBLEM I HAD WAS WHEN USING EXCEL I
ENTERED FIGURES FOR THE MONTH OF MAY IT WAS OK,BUT WHEN I CAME TO
CHANGING THE DATE FROM THE END OF MAY ie.31/3/98 TO 1/4/98 THATS WHEN
THE PROBLEMS STARTED.I THEN SAVED THE MAY ACCOUNT TO DISC AND OPENED
ANOTHER FILE FOR APRIL AND THE PROBLEM RESOLVED ITSELF.

---------------------------------------------------

Bill Waugh wrote

Would someone like to tell me a bit more than I know about this
email stuff - how do you send attatchments and what can you put in
these attachments - how do you get onto the qlusers mailing list I have
been trying for some time but had little luck, haveing said that the
last email I sent got posted but I have had no reply - I sent the
message to qlusers-@nvg.ntnu.no with the subject "subscribe"  and a
short message saying I would like to be placed on the list.

-----------------------------------------------------

Well Bill has since he wrote this managed to get onto the qlusers
list (as our bulging hard discs will testify!) I won't go into this (as
you won't be interested) but suffice to say the problem was addressing
a machine as if it was a person Unix machine progs just read commands
not polite requests!

The answer to the attachments is going to depend on what machine
you are using, what e-mail program and what you Internet Provider is.
The answer is different for Compuserve or AOL than it is on smaller
providers.   Basically for those not familiar with the Internet it is a
method of sending a file (usually compressed) attached to a message.
It's the way Mike sends the newsletter to those of us who get the Net
version

------------------------------

Jean-Yves Rouffiac  jyr@wavenet.co.uk  wrote


Which brings me on to my first question - could someone tell me
how to make a disk image of my TKII ROM which is on my 512 SuperQBoard?
I'm not sure what address and length I need to use with SBYTES.

And Mike replied

ANYONE KNOW THE ANSWER TO THIS?I WOULD HAVE THOUGHT USING THE
CONFIGURABLE TOOLKIT WOULD HAVE BEEN EASIER?

--------------------------------

Welcome Jean-Yves.  I have a feeling I once met you - did you go
to the first meeting of the London Quanta group?

The answer to the emulator TK2 problem is not how you do it but
whether you should.   As Tony F has been pointing out on the qlusers
Internet list when this question was asked TK2 is NOT PD.  The rights
are held by Tony Tebby and it cannot be included with emulators unless
the producers of the emulators licence the rights from TT (since QLAY
is freeware this is not going to happen).    The fact that you may have
a legal copy on your QL has no relevance to this.  The same is also
true of things like Minerva I know that several issues ago I asked this
very question but I have since discovered I was wrong to do so. It is a
popular misconception that purchasing software goes you unfettered use
of it in all circumstances.  In fact you have purchased a licence to
use it (it has to be this way otherwise no organisation would ever buy
more than one copy of a prog). Whatever people may do privately (and
its obvious that many people will be using TK2 with emulators) its
probably not too wise to advertise how to do it in this newsletter
(especially since TF is now a subscriber!)

----------------------------------

Jean-Yves also wrote

Software: I would like advice on how to transfer software to disk:
Psion Chess, Scrabble, Assembler Workbench, The Pawn, Meteor Storm,
etc, etc. Any help very welcome.


and Mike replied USE WCOPY,ie.WCOPY MDV1_ TO FLP1_ AND THEN CHANGE
ALL THE MDV's IN YOUR BOOT PROGRAM TO FLP's OR RUN IT THROUGH A MDV/FLP
CONVERTER.


----------------------------------------------

Sorry Mike - it's not that easy.  These are progs that were on
microdrives only and were copy protected so you had to have the
original cartridge for them to work.  They wrote information to  a
sector which is not picked up by WCOPY.  If they can't find the serial
number data they need on the microdrive they won't run

IT NEVER IS MARTIN WHEN I GIVE AN ANSWER,BUT IT STIRS YOUR BRAIN
CELLS!

There was a 'cracked' copy of Psion Chess which would run from
disc but of course none of us have ever come across that have we! I
also recently discovered there is a PC version of Psion Chess which
does appear to be PD - at least I easily found it as a free download on
the Web

---------------------------------

Mike wrote

THE EDITOR TO KNOW WHAT HE'S TALKING ABOUT,GRAPHICS AND SO
ON.WHEREAS ME,I'M AN IDIOT,ASK MARTIN HE'S BEEN TELLING ME THIS FOR
YEARS,I KNOW MARTIN I'M ONLY KIDDING!

----------------------------------------------

Rubbish  We all have the highest respect for your computer
knowledge

GO ON BUILD UP MY EGO,DON'T STOP I LOVE IT!
----------------------------------------------

Jean-Yves also wrote

 I might also add a small QL-specific section containing links to
QL sites, plus free downloads of the software I wrote, including the
Dreamlands adventure game which was previously published by CGH
Services.

YOU COULD ALWAYS SEND IT TO US FOR INCLUSION IN THE NEWSLETTER.
----------------------------------------------

Perhaps you can link to the ClubQL site and I'm sure Andy
Halliwell will add a link to yours when it is ready


-------------------------------------------

Mike about PC hard discs

3 HARD DRIVES IN 3 WEEKS MARTIN AND I DID MAKE BACKUP DISCS AND
SYSTEM DISCS AND THEY DIDNT WORK EITHER!

-----------------------------------------

I think we may have a different definition of a failed hard disc.
I wouldn't count those which have corrupted boot files or viruses since
those hard discs will work again as soon as the problem  is corrected
Still we won't argue about it!

-----------------------------------------------------

Paul wrote


And finally, one of Bobs college mates has a simple home made
device built from an Amiga magazine circuit design which allows
hundreds of large programmes and data to be downloaded from an Amiga
directly onto a domestic video recorder and retrieved at will whilst
the process's progress can be checked on a TV screen or monitor.
Apparently, the PC also has a similar, commercially available device
which costs a fortune. He also informs me that this method is a much
more reliable storage method than either disc or hard drive. The
obvious question is: does such a device exist for the QL? 

I would be the first to admit that I far from being an expert on
such matters, but the potential of using an ordinary video recorder as
a large, reliable, and fairly fast storage device seems to be enormous,
especially for those of us that don't have access to ED disc drives or
hard drives, but do have access to a domestic VCR and 3 to 6 hour video
tapes which should be able to hold an awful lot of programmes at
relatively little cost. 

Perhaps I am getting ahead of myself or maybe I am being a little
naive, but couldn't the QL transfer programmes and data directly
through one of the serial ports or via a modem directly to a VCR and
then back again or would some kind of interface be necessary?

------------------------------------------

Back to the days of microdrives since that's basically what they
were!

Let's go through this.  This is mostly devil's advocate stuff -
someone else can put the positive side

Tape backups on PCs used to be quite common in companies because
they were the only large means of external storage available

For this to work on a QL you would need an interface and a driver
which someone would have to write so that the data could be in the form
the QL could understand

You say 'large, reliable, and fairly fast storage' Large - well
not now large by PC standards which is one reason they are no longer
much used.  Hard discs are now many times the size they were only 3
years ago and things like Zips are getting very cheap Reliable.   All
video tapes are liable to tape dropouts.  You don't notice them on a
tape unless it gets bad but they are always there With a computer prog
you can't afford to lose a single byte or you have a corrupted file
(those of you with long enough memories will be remembering the days of
microdrives and lost progs now!) So you will have to have very
extensive error checking and correcting systems (which is why PC tape
backup was expensive) Fairly fast - at the speed of a video recorder?
This is many times slower than a floppy which is in turn many times
slower than a hard disc The way tape storage used to be used on a PC
was to leave it running  doing a hard disc backup overnight!

And then there is no random access.   On a  floppy the location of
all  the data is stored on the outer sector and when you want something
the head moves to the correct point.   When you accessed a microdrive
cartridge it had to spool round until it reached the place where your
data was.  This was irritating with something as small as a microdrive
- can you imagine how mega-irritating this is going to be on a 3 hour
video tape


Now lets go on to ZIP drives on the QL.  This has been much
discussed amongst the hardware specialists on the qlusers list and as
far as I can tell this is the present situation.  What is required is
an ATAPI driver for the QL.  This is hard and difficult work for
someone and the prime QL writer of these things is Tony Tebby and he
works for money so it would have to be paid for.  TT has a lengthy list
of QL projects he is already committed to so it will have to take its
place in the queue.   When it is eventually done the driver will not be
freeware or PD but will cost money.  The driver will hopefully also
allow the use of  other ATAPI devices such as CD-ROMs.   It is not
imminent but probably more imminent than the other most requested piece
of QL software - the TCP/IP stack (that'll be meaningless to any
non-Internet people but it's the absence of this that stops us having a
proper graphical browser and other Internet tools on the QL).  Nasta's
friend who was writing this has been drafted into the army and doesn't
have time to play with computers at the moment!


Martin Wheatley


Andrew Halliwell, 
e-mail:- u5a77@teach.cs.keele.ac.uk
u5a77@elfs1.elec.keele.ac.uk          u5a77@uga.keele.ac.uk
spike1@cyberspace.org          clubql@geocities.com >*phew*<

Gear:- Supergold card QL with various pointer thingies, Qubide
1.55 ROM, TKII (of course), 40 Meg Hard Drive (Still not full), twin
floppies (one currently disabled) Minerva 1.97, 24 Pin Dot Matrix
Printer... And loads of little toys I download off the internet...

THIS IS SPIKE'S LETTER EVENTUALLY!

Hello again.  Sorry I couldn't make it last month, but deadlines
and general work load (coupled with a small amount of laziness)
prevented me.... Hopefully, this month, finally, the qubIDE 1.56 ROM
and a copy of Xtricator should be included. I sent them to Mike, who
couldn't do anything with them, so then I sent them to John, who could,
but didn't get them in on time. Anyway, I've been downloading a lot of
stuff for my QL this month, including C68 updates, Qascade updates, and
I'm just about to attempt to download ghostscript. The only problem
with ghostscript being, it's 1.2Megs in size, and I only have DD disk
drives. So, I've decided to try something clever. As unzip on the QL
can't handle disk spanning (a method of splittng up large files so they
can be re-glued together so as to fit on multiple floppies), I decided
to try it manually. Step 1. Download the file. Did that. Step 2.
UUencode it. (this actually makes the file BIGGER, but at the same
time, it converts it to pure ASCII form so that it can be loaded into
any text editor. Step 3. Load it onto a text editor. Step 4. Find the
approximate mid point, and save two separate files, one containing the
top half, the other containing the bottom half... Step 5. Ooops. now
these are still just too big to fit on the disk.         Zip them back
up individually. Step 6. Copy the resulting files to 2 disks.

Then, when I get back to my QL, Copy them to hard disk, unzip
them, load both bits back into a text editor, (glueing them back
together), save the result, uudecode it, and finally unzip it.

This is ever so slightly cumbersome, but hopefully it will work...

News on the QL front. (Actually, it's pretty old news, and I can't
remember if it's been reported here before, so here goes....

Miracle are becoming the masters of vapourware. Another peice of
their promised hardware has been dropped, i.e. The UltraGold card. NOW,
apparently, he's planning on a replacement chip to the old ZX8302,
which handled graphics. (The new one might be capable of rivalling
Aurora) Well... Only time will tell....

On a more personal note, I'm just about to receive a nice sum of
money... TA bounty! YAY! 250 quid (ish).

Now, if only they'd hurry up with the ol' GoldFire card! I
wannit!!

Mind you... What with all this stuff I downloaded recently, I'll
be needing another Hard Disk soon... 40Megs is just about filled...
Hmmmm....

Anyway, back to the show... Answering the last 2 clubqls...

QL107: P. McPherson asked what the Goldfire card was. I think I
remember seeing it explained in the 108, but I'll stick my oar in
anyway...

The Goldfire is the next generation Gold Card. It will have a
68040 compatible Coldfire CPU, SIMM memory sockets (meaning you can put
as much memory as you want in... up to (I think) 128 Megs.). As these
SIMM cards are actually designed all PCs, this will also mean VERY
cheap memory, compared to the old days of fixed memory on trump and
gold cards.

Other things that the new card will have include: *Aurora
optimised I/O. (It'll work when plugged into a standard QL motherboard,
but it'll be faster and better when plugged into an Aurora) *facility
to plug in a second CPU card. This will then split up all jobs on the
QL so that I/O is handled by one chip, and all other processing is
handled by the other... (True multitasking. Write to disk and continue
with what you were doing with no pause, this will also speed up screen
updates, serial connection and who knows what else...) *True parallel
port. (Bidirectional)

I can't remember what else it may/will have, but I WANT ONE!

Darren Branagh: You said... "Second,  a reply to Spike : - sorry
Mate, about the misinformation about the new  Panasonic LS-120  drives,
but  I assumed  you would have read Ron  Dunnett's contribution  in the
Sept 1997  issue of Quanta  - which said he will WRITE  a driver for
the LS-120 drives if there is  enough demand!!"

That's a dangerous assumption to make... ClubQL and QUANTA are
well and truly different things. I never have been a member of QUANTA.

And now.... QL108... Colin Baskett: Even though it's been
explained a few times, I'll explain a little further on what exactly
SPAMMING is... Spamming in so named because of a certain Monty Python
skrtch based in a transport cafe where everything on the menu contained
SPAM. Whenever the word "SPAM" was mentioned, all the vikings sitting
around would burst into song... "SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAM SPAAAAAAM
WONDERFUL SPAM", drowning out all other noise...

SPAM on the internet, be it e-mail or newsgroups, is totally off
topic rubbish posted to many newsgroups, or in the case of e-mail,
people, all at the same time. Common forms of spam are:

MAKE MONEY FAST! Send 5 quid to the person on the top of the list,
and delete it, placing yourself at the bottom and then forward this
message to as many people as you can... Money comes rolling in... NOT.
(Otherwise known as a pyramid scheme, anyone with any sense hates these
things with a passion)

SEX SEX SEX! Visit this web site for the biggest collection of
hard porn on the net.... 

INVESTMENT OPPORTUNITIES! Says it all really...

In effect, any unsolicited commercial e-mail that finds its way
into your mailbox or newsgroups is SPAM. The difference between this
and junk mail you get in through your letter box is that YOU end up
having to pay for the junk e-mail (In download times, etc...

Frank Merrison... QPAC and the pointer environment... I've used it, and
studied boot files, but never read a manual, so I'll just try to tell you
what I have figured out.... Things: I think they were called "things"
because... well... a thing can represent anything in the computer. A job, an
unloaded program, an lresprable extention, even a data structure. Thing is a
sort of all encompassing word that fits..well... anything....

Hot_do - Hot_go - Hot_key - Hot_list, etc... HOTKEYS: These were initially
intruduced in Toolkit II, and are something that everyone has access to.
However, hot_rext has a lot more functionality.  A hotkey is a user
definable key. You can program it to contain any string that could be
normally passed from the keyboard.  The Hot_key command defines such a key,
e.g. hot_key 'a','bibble' will insert bibble into the keyboard queue
whenever  'a' is pressed.  HOT_GO is the command that starts the
extended hotkey system, just as HOT_STOP suspends it.  HOT_LIST will list
all hotkeys and their current functions.  HOT_DO I'm not too sure about, but
I assume it forces a certain hot_key action without the actual key being
pressed...

         The Stuffer buffer is a usefull means of storing filenames for
later insertion into a command line or menu box. In fact, I had no idea
there was a stuffer history until I read last months CQL. Makes things much
simpler, I can tell you....


Well... That's about it for this month, I think... Just hope it
gets in on time... But, before I go, lets end with a funny....

------------------------------------------------------------------
----------

The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your
question was:

> Captain's Log, Stardate 54324.5:  Starfleet Command has directed the
> Enterprise to do a preliminary exploration of planet M22 in advance of
> a full research team.  Scanners report the atmosphere to be breathable, 
> but are recieving confusing readings with regard to life forms.  I am 
> beaming down with a landing party composed of all our chief officers 
> except for poor Scotty. 
> 
> Supplement: Redshirt Riley has received a head injury,apparently 
> while exploring under a high rock shelf.  He reports only hearing a 
> loud sound and jumping before being struck.  After examination by Dr. 
> McCoy he has been judged capable of continuing duty. 
>
> Supplement: We have encountered an alien creature on this planet. 
> While it does not itself seem menacing, a unfortunate occurance took 
> place when it was present. Specifically, on my orders Lt. Sulu 
> withdrew his phaser.  The creature disappeared leaving a puff of smoke, 
> immediately following which a loud noise was heard next to Sulu.  Sulu 
> fired, hitting Ens. Chekov.  Oddly enough, although Sulu's weapon was 
> set to stun, Chekov was also covered with a black powder similar to 
> soot.  Mr. Chekov has been sent back to the ship for examination and 
> quarantine. 
> 
> Stardate 54326.2, Mr. Spock reporting: Tricorder readings indicate 
> that the creature we encountered earlier is constantly moving at great
> speed over the surface of the planet.  We have encountered the creature 
> once again.  In an attempt to slow the creature for study, I attempted 
> to fire on it.  The creature, however, appeared to move faster than the 
> phaser beam.  Regretfully, the beam struck an outcropping of rock above 
> the Captain's head, causing it to break off and fall.  Although it 
> appears that several tons of rock fell squarely on the Captain, he was 
> driven straight into the ground but apparently not seriously injured, 
> though stunned.  The Captain has been beamed up to Sickbay, leaving me 
> in command of the research party. 
> 
> Captain's Log, Stardate 54342.1:  The creature is still at large on the 
> planet surface.  While Mr. Spock continues to lead a research party I 
> am currently at work with Mr. Scott on an Acme Pressure Cooker for our 
> lab, for when the creature is finally apprehended. 
> 
> Captain's Log, stardate 54342.3.  The strange occurences that have 
> dogged the landing party since our arrival at this planet have led me 5
> to believe that the creature is in some way directly responsible for 
> them. Mr. Chekov and I have both been declared fit for return to duty, 
> though Dr. McCoy has entered in his medical log that he feels we should 
> be kept under observation.  Mr. Spock has constructed a device which he 
> suspects should be able to counteract the creature's incredible speed 
> as follows: We have placed a dish of birdseed out in the open, with 
> several signs pointing to it.  The dish is atop a cleverly concealed 
> trap door, which will open when any weight falls on it.  The creature 
> will then travel a slide, eventually being deposited in a cage 
> constructed of sheets of transparent aluminum.  We will then be free to 
> analyze it at our leisure.  Meanwhile, I have forbidden all beaming 
> down to the surface of the planet except on my or Mr. Spock's direct 
> order. 
> 
> Captain's Log, supplemental.  The plan failed.  The creature was indeed 
> lured by the birdseed, as expected.  It sped to the dish, consumed the 
> bait, and sped off without setting off the trap.  Mr. Spock is as 
> puzzled as I, and 

And in response, thus spake the Oracle:

} WOW! What a story! Is it true? Can I really get free e-mail?

Spike.

    Source: geocities.com/siliconvalley/vista/4807/archive

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