Professor Bralley Explains Torque in Words and Sounds, lesson one
 

The product of the applied force and the length of the lever arm.

Hand-and-Toe-Hold Trails
 

CHORUS:
Gonna make my way to the top of the mountain
Gonna climb right up to the tippity-top
Gonna tell them boys to fuck the fuck off
Drip blood honey from m' honey pot

Yeah mamma she came from Texas
Born in a twenty-five gallon hat
My grandpappy taught her how to spit and cuss
But she n'er did learn much more than that

My pappy ran off with a pickup truck
Very same day what I was born
He didn't much care what happened to us
Whiskey on the breath and honkin' the horn

Yeah mamma kept me up in a chickenwire shack
'Til the day that I turned seventeen
Livin' off chickenfeed, wrestlin' coons
My beard's as long as I am mean.

Met a old blind man from Tennessee
Made a fatal mistake one day
Let me out of my cage, he was a kind old man
But I bit his neck off anyway

CHORUS with slide whistle

Well I crept round back the trailer
And I saw mamma givin' head
It turned out that hellbound Reverend Tanner
Was preachin' that love again

Well I jumped in through the window
Grabbed that goddamn Bible from 'im
I said "I'll show you what the good book says!"
AND I BEAT HIS FUCKIN' HEAD IN WITHIT!

(spoken)
Mamma knew what was coming she went into the kitched to get her gun
I shoved her in the room full of deadly radon gas she died and it was done

CHORUS

"That's for pappy, motherfuckers!" I thought as I tossed the rotting corpses in the bed of the pickup, headed back for the mountain where pappy was born, the sun goin' down and the sky all red.

Lo, A Reed Has Grown Piercing the Leg

Who is that man
With the fish in his pocket
And the suitcase in his hand
He beckons you and you follow
Through the doorway
To paradise
Which opens and closes behind you
Like a tomb
Where dead people are stored
(DEAD BODIES EVERYWHERE)

He is a very fat person
Who does not give a damn
He is my father
The most coarse man in the world
He goes home every day
And watches television
But he is not amused by what he sees
(DEAD BODIES EVERYWHERE)

Lo, a reed has grown
Piercing the leg
Shall I bleed to death
Here in the underworld?

Bloom of the Buttflower

(lyrics respectfully withheld for Prof. Buttmoog.  RIP)

The Mouth is the Gate of Woe
 

Yeah, c'mon baby, let's get it on
Tonight
Baby let's just say out loud
You know I want you
You know I need you
You're hungry for my love and I will feed you

CHORUS:
C'mon baby
Let your body go
I don't need to tell you
The mouth is the gate of woe

All aboard baby, come for a ride
The train of love is always right on time
Yeah, the first stop is ecstacy
And the second stop is also ecstacy

CHORUS

[verse indecipherable] ..shoes.

CHORUS

Yeah.  Yeah.  S'alright.
Talkin' about sexual
hyperdrive.
Uh-huh.
Seriously.
Uh-huh.
Yeah!

Rainy Day in Hot Dog City
 

(lyrics incomplete)
(i don't give a motherfuck about that)
(hot dog city)

2-3-4

2-3-4
CHORUS:
Rainy day in Hot Dog City
Them hot dog women sho' are pretty
Get on down to the real nitty-gritty
Now listen up to the Hot Dog (diddy?)

[verse 1]

CHORUS

[verse 2]

CHORUS

[verse 3]

Can't stop movin, I gotta keep movin..
Can't stop movin, I gotta keep movin..
Can't stop movin, I gotta keep movin..
 

(instrumental)
yeah
motherfucker!
goddamnit
urgh

My Father Chastised You with Whips, But I Shall Chastise You with Scorpions

(lyrics incomplete) 

Cosmic Keys to My Car and House
 

[indecipherable]
cosmic keys to my car and house
cosmic keys to my car and house
cosmic keys to my car and house
?

[indecipherable]

Well, I have a nice car and a modest suburban home
I am the luckiest man alive

cosmic keys to my car and house
cosmic keys to my car and house

Pride of the Buttflower

(lyrics respectfully withheld for Prof. Buttmoog, God rest his soul)

Tongue-Kissing Jesus
 

Step right down off that cross
Oh, you had a zany day
I don't need to drink of your blood to know
That I love you.
I can wash those nasty stigmata away
You are far too young and beautiful to die

CHORUS:
Corpus christi, body of Christ
They say love you and they treat you real nice
I don't need you to die for my sins
Can you make me feel like a re-eal woman?

You think you're pretty great
Because you're the Son of God
But if you turn the other cheek
?
And if you take the easy way out
You will always be just an ordinary jerk to me

CHORUS

Did no one ever teach you a women has needs?
I ain't givin' my heart to no dead man
?
I have better things to do than worship a savior who
Is afraid of love.
That's right, motherfucker!

CHORUS

Anyone can die for my sins
Can you make me feel like a re-eal woman?

Professor Bralley Explains Torque in Words and Sounds, lesson three
 

Use the power of torque!
[crashing noise]
 

(sounds of truck driving over rough terrain)
Oooaah!
Oooh!

I shined my shoes, I washed my hair
Got an old wild hound dog sittin' back there
My younger brother was wrong in the head
Burden on the family so I left him for dead

The road is dirt
Dirt is brown
This rough terrain
Goes up and down

[verse]

The road is dirt
Dirt is brown
This rough terrain
Goes up and down

doo-doo.. doo-doo.. jay heeter.. doo-doo..

The Squirrel Loves a Pleasant Chase
 

(instrumental)
That it?

Professor Bralley Explains Torque in Words and Sounds, lesson four
 

(instrumental)
That's..
Hahaha, oh.. oh!  oh!
So much power!
I have so much power!

Park Custodian
 

I been ridin' in the merry go round of love
I had had my fill of them teacups of despair
And now the fairgrounds are deserted
The orange julius stand is closed
I am the park custodian.
ooh.

Here Goes a Man with the Chest Exposed and the Legs All Naked
 

Ho!
Here goes a man with the chest exposed and the legs all naked (repeated throughout)
You are a man astride a great beast
You have a handlebar moustache
You are eating a mighty sandwich.  Eat it all.
Ho!
You are a bad dude
President has been kidnapped by ninjas
Are you a bad enough dude to rescue the president?
Ho!
Ho!
You ..?
You ..?
You can really whip the donkey
Run over rock over Oil City
Rock over Studville
Carry on good sir.
Ho!
Ho.
Ho.
Ho.
Carry on good sir.

As Bees in Honey Drown (the hive jive)

(instrumental)

The Miseducation of Lauryn Hill
 

Forgive her, for she knows not what she does.

The miseducation of Lauryn Hill
Do not attempt to adjust your brain
The miseducation of Lauryn Hill
Do not attempt to adjust your brain
The miseducation of Lauryn Hill
Do not attempt to adjust your brain
The miseducation of Lauryn Hill
Do not attempt to adjust your brain
The miseducation of Lauryn Hill
Do not attempt to adjust your brain

Do not attempt to adjust your brain

(solo)

so you admit that you have been miseducated.

The miseducation of Lauryn Hill
Do not attempt to adjust your brain
The miseducation of Lauryn Hill
Do not attempt to adjust your brain
The miseducation of Lauryn Hill
Do not attempt to adjust your brain
The miseducation of Lauryn Hill
Do not attempt to adjust your brain
The miseducation of Lauryn Hill
Do not attempt to adjust your brain
The miseducation of Lauryn Hill
Do not attempt to adjust your brain
The miseducation of Lauryn Hill
Do not attempt to adjust your brain
The miseducation of Lauryn Hill
Do not attempt to adjust your brain

..will die.

(solo)

The miseducation of Lauryn Hill
Do not attempt to adjust your brain
The miseducation of Lauryn Hill
Do not attempt to adjust your brain
The miseducation of Lauryn Hill
Do not attempt to adjust your brain
The miseducation of Lauryn Hill
Do not attempt to adjust your brain
The miseducation of Lauryn Hill
Do not attempt to adjust your brain

[spoken vocal].. she's in the Fugees, but she also has some solo material on the side.
 

So I was goin' to see my honey
In Oil City (sho' is pretty)
(on the horns of a great, horned beast)
in a shiny automobile

Cat Farm
Cat Farm
Cat--

Well, I took the wrong turn (gall durn)
Came on this big sign
What it say?
It said one word or maybe two
I don't know for sure

Cat Farm
Cat Farm
Cat--

So I met this girl by the name of Maxine
Her breath didn't stink she used Listerine

There was this, this old man leaning up against the sign
He was old, and he had this..
And he.. and the old man said
And the old man said
And the old man said
And the old man said
(AND THE OLD MAN SAAAAAAAID)

WELCOME TO THE CAT FARM!

get off of my cat farm!
you must leave..
get off my cat farm!
you must leave catfarm.
hey, what are doing in my cat farm?
cat farm!
welcome to the cat farm!
aaah!
welcome to the cat farm!
wooo!
yeah!

come to the cat farm.
you're welcome at the cat farm.
c'mon to the cat farm.
we love you at the cat farm
you're welcome at the cat farm
i will kill you at the cat farm
c'mon and join us..
cat!
farm!
cat!
farm!
cat!
farm!
cat!
farm!
f-f-f-farm!

i love you so much i just want to kill you!
i can't stand it!
red hot!
burning up!
cat!
farm!
cat!
farm!
cat!

I met this girl by the name of Maxine
Her breath didn't stink she used Listerine
I met this girl by the name of Maxine
Her breath didn't stink she
went to the cat farm and said "gimme a goddamn cat, i didn't come here just to..?"

play it out.
play it out.

Professor Bralley Explains Torque in Words and Sounds, final lesson
 

alright, it's going.
shut up!
can we start this?
and a one, and a two, and a one..
damnit!
just do it, just do it!
and a one, and a two, and a one..
(music)
cut it, cut it, cut it!