There are some people that I love who are going through some hard times lately. It's been very draining on me, hence (one of) the reasons why I haven't been up on my blogging. But I've been doing a lot of thinking about it, and I've come to some interesting conclusions.
Arguably, one of the greatest things humans can experience is love. I'm not just talking about romantic love, but that love that we are called to have for one another. Love for our friends will lead us to care for each other, look out for the other's best interests, and desire to put the other person before yourself. That's good stuff. It's the makings of the Golden Rule: love your neighbour as yourself.
Now I've already blogged about this, but what does this love mean? In order for love to have meaning, it must be put into action. Love that exists solely in words is not love. But what is that action? It depends on the situation. It can mean offering someone a ride when you'd really just rather go home. It can mean lending a listening ear when you'd rather hang up the phone and continue watching that TV show. It can mean warning or even physically preventing someone from actions that will be harmful to them, at the risk of your friendship. There are all examples of love in action.
I'd like to focus on the last one. I see people that I love doing things to hurt themselves, and I feel powerless to stop them. And I'm not the only person that I see in this situation, many other people I know are going through similar situations. But what does God call us to? To continue to love these people that are so hard to love.
But what does this mean? So often, I think of that person suffering, and I want to suffer too. If a person that I love is miserable, should I not be miserable too? I think the word for it is empathy. It makes sense, doesn't it? At least, it does to me, to some extent.
But I'm starting to think that isn't the case anymore. There's an interesting scene in the book The Great Divorce by CS Lewis. The title by itself is a bit odd, it's somewhat of a play on, or response to, Blake's Marriage of Heaven and Hell. The novel is basically a series of vingettes about people making the choice between spending eternity in Heaven or Hell, and the various stumbling blocks in their way. The one I find of great interest is about Pity.
So in this one scene, there is a beautiful Lady who has been in Heaven for some time now, talking to the man who was her husband on earth. Through their conversation, we learn that he has a tendency to use Pity to get his way: when things didn't go as he'd like, he'd sulk until someone would pity him and give in. She points out that "Pity was meant to be a spur that drives joy to help misery. But it can be used the wrong way around ... Those who choose misery can hold joy up to ransom, by pity." He is infuriated by this, and refuses to join her in Heaven, and knowingly returns to Hell to spite her. After he leaves, she walks on, untouched by his misery.
The protagonist, observing the situation from nearby, thinks it intolerable that she should still be joyful after his choice to return to Hell. After all, he says that "the final loss of one soul gives the lie to all the joy of those who are saved" But is that really the case? Where does that leave you? Should it be that "the loveless and the self-imprisoned ... should be allowed to blackmail the universe; that till they consent to be happy (on their own terms) no one else shall taste joy; that theirs should be the final power; that Hell should be able to veto Heaven" Should that be the case?
Truly, Heaven will rejoice at every soul that enters into God's presence. In Luke 15:10, it says "In the same way, I tell you, there is rejoicing in the presence of the angels of God over one sinner who repents." But nowhere does it talk about misery in Heaven over a soul that is lost. Heaven can't hold misery.
So where am I going with this (sometimes I'm not so sure :P ) Basically, there is a similar situation that I see in loving people who don't love themselves. Though it may seem incredibly heartless to refuse to be touched by their misery, I'm not sure that is so. Once you've done all you can do to help them, and they still refuse to help themselves, you being miserable won't help anyone, and it may, in turn, hurt you. So now we have two hurting people, instead of one. And it continues.
Now, I'm not saying that it's easy to be untouched by the pain of those you love. It's pretty near impossible. But don't let it consume you. Fight it. Continue to do what you can for the person, continue to love them, but don't let their self-chosen misery touch your joy. After all, you can't give what you don't have.
