There was so many, so I left some of the more distasteful/not amusing ones out, I really like this collection below: -Sita Atis
(A)bort, (R)etry, (F)*ckup completely?
(A)bort, (R)etry, (P)retend this never happened...
1 + 1 = ? Ask my calculator.
10 out of 5 doctors feel it's OK to be skitzo!
2B, or not 2B, or should I use a biro.
A little bit of uh huh and a whole lot of oh yeah.
A neat desk is a sign of a sick mind.
All stressed out, and no one to choke...
Answers: $1 * Correct answers: $5 * Dumb looks: Free! *
As a matter of fact, no, I don't have a life.
Camouflage condoms: So they won't see you coming.
A positive attitude may not solve all your problems, but it will annoy
enough people to make it worth the effort.
"Violent fantasies?! Hey, you're the one showing me all these inkblot
pictures of explosions."
"Boy" "BOMB!" "Girl" "BOMB!" "Airport" "BOMB!" "Okay, that's enough word association."
"That ink blot looks like the oppressive technocratic regime attempting to enslave our free minds... or maybe a bunny rabbit."
There ain't no devil, there's just God when he's drunk.
If you ever need anything please don't hesitate to ask someone else first.
-- Nirvana
When you asked me to live in sin with you, I didn't know you meant
sloth.
Weird theory #47: Islamic women can do kinky things with their ankles.
That's why the Koran says they aren't supposed to reveal them in public.
Now let's all repeat the non-conformist oath.
Sex is not the answer. Sex is the question. "Yes" is the answer.
One planet is all you get.
The world is coming to an end! Repent and return those library books!
Grabel's Law: 2 is not equal to 3---not even for very large values of 2.
Sex between a man and a woman can be wonderful, provided you get between
the right man and the right woman... -- Woody Allen
Bullshit makes the flowers grow and that's beautiful.
But soft, what light through yonder tagline breaks?
Christ died for our sins, so let's not disappoint him.
Count Dracula - your Bloody Mary is ready...
DANGER! Computer store ahead, hide wallet!
Diagonally parked in a parallel universe.
Do not disturb. Already disturbed!
Don't just do something !!! Stand there !!!
Don't steal - the government hates competition..
Don't waste water. Pee on a friend.
Drink wet cement, and get completely stoned.
Eat Crap! 10 Trillion flies can't be wrong.
Famous last words - Jesus Christ: Father, beam me up.
Famous last words - You and what army?
Forget the computer! Where's my abacus??
Get a powerful right arm: subscribe to Playboy.
God I want patience, and I WANT IT NOW!
H lp! S m b d st l ll th v w ls fr m m k yb rd!
Happiness is a warm modem
Hell Hath No Pizza.
Holy Smokes!...."the church is on fire!"
How much can I get away with and still go to heaven.
I am sweet and lovable at all times.
I came, I saw, I took LOTS of PICTURES!
I came... I saw... I stole your tagline.
I cna ytpe 300 wrods pre mniuet!!!
I hear what you're saying but I just don't care.
I like women with big... HEARTS! YEAH! THAT's it!
I like your approach, now let's see your departure.
I think. Therefore I am DANGEROUS.
I'm Not Schizophrenic, And Neither Am I.
I'm a nobody, nobody is perfect, therefore I'm perfect.
I'm not even going to ignore that.
I'm pink, therefore I'm spam
I've got to sit down and work out where I stand.
If I were here more often, I wouldn't be gone so much.
If it screams it's not food......yet. [[Evil Grin]]
If it works, tear it apart and find out why!
If you prick me, do I not get turned on?
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done?
It's okay to be ugly...but aren't you overdoing it?
Jesus is coming back, and boy, is he ticked!
Junk - stuff we throw away. Stuff - junk we keep.
Just don't tell the asylum you saw me here
Let him who is stoned cast the first sin.
Let's split up, we can do more damage that way.
Make like a Tom and Cruise.
Make like a shepherd and get the flock out of here.
Marriage? Sorry, I can't mate in captivity.
Mary had a little RAM -- only about a MEG or so.
Modem: What landscapers do to dem lawns.
Multitasking = 3 PCs and a chair with wheels!
Multitasking: Reading in the bathroom
Murphy is out there... waiting...
My God can beat up YOUR god...
My computer's sick, I think my modem's a carrier
Never assume. It makes an "ass" out of "u" and "me".
Never before have so few puked so much on so many.
Never underestimate the power of human stupidity.
Not tonight honey... I have a modem
Nudist Camp sign - Sorry, Clothed for Winter.
OPERATOR! Trace this call and tell me where I am.
ORG.ASM Not Found. Wife not happy!
Objection, your Honor! My client is an idiot!
Obscenity is whatever gives a judge an erection.
Of all the people I've met you're certainly one of them
On the other hand, you also have 5 fingers.
Oprah spelled backwards is Harpo!
Point not found. A)bort, R)eread, I)gnore.
Power corrupts, but we need electricity.
Press all the keys at once to continue...
Put on your seatbelt. I wanna try something.
Rugby is played by men with odd-shaped balls!
STUPIDITY is NOT a HANDICAP! Park elsewhere!
So many lawyers, so few bullets.
Spell chequers dew knot work write.
Steal my cash, car and TV - but leave the computer!
The 11th COMMANDMENT - Thou shalt not be a smartass!
The sixth sheikh's sixth sheep's sick.
This tagline is SHAREWARE! To Register, send me $10.
To eat is human, to digest, divine.
To err is human, to forgive is against company policy.
Took an hour to bury the cat. Silly thing kept moving.
We are the people our parents warned us about
We'll get along fine as soon as you realize I'm God.
Welcome to New Zealand, set your watch back 20 years.
Winter is nature's way of saying "up yours".
Women do come with instructions; ask them.
Would a virgin be called a notyeterosexual?
* Inside every older person, there's a younger person, wondering what
happened. (ED: And outside that younger person is the older person, laughing
at him.)
* I TRY TO TAKE ONE DAY AT A TIME, but sometimes several days attack me
at
once.
* I'LL LISTEN TO YOUR UNREASONABLE DEMANDS IF YOU'LL CONSIDER MY UNACCEPTABLE
OFFER.
* I live in a world of my own, but visitors are always welcome.
* BEEN THROUGH HELL? AND WHAT DID YOU BRING BACK FOR ME?
* MY SOURCES ARE UNRELIABLE, but their information is fascinating.
* HOW ARROGANT OF YOU NOT TO ACCEPT my obvious superiority.
* You don't need to fix me. I am not broken.
* I HAVE IT ALL FIGURED OUT. So don't go ruining it all by asking me to
explain.
* I CAN ACCEPT THAT YOU ARE POMPOUS AND HUMORLESS. I just don't understand
why you are proud of it.
* I think, therefore I'm confused.
* Love is doomed to fail because men are stupid and women are crazy. (Matt
Groening)
Backup not found: A)bort, R)etry, M)assive heart failure?
Anything not nailed down is mine. Anything I can pry up is not nailed down.
Been there, done that, got the T-shirt.
Commit suicide. A hundred thousand lemmings can't be wrong.
Courage: Two cannibals having oral sex.
For those who like this sort of thing, this is the sort of thing they like.
He has the heart of a little child... it's in a jar on his desk.
I never made a mistake in my life. I thought I did once, but I was wrong.
I will always love the false image I had of you.
I went to the Net and all I got was this stupid tagline.
I came, I saw, I deleted all your files.
If God had meant for us to be naked, we would have been born that way.
If it were truly the thought that counted, more women would be pregnant.
If you can't dazzle 'em with brilliance, baffle 'em with bullshit.
If you can't find your glasses, it's probably because you don't have them
on.
In order to get a loan you must first prove you don't need it.
Knocked; you weren't in. -- Opportunity
Let him who takes the Plunge remember to return it by Tuesday.
Life is like an analogy.
Living on Earth includes an annual free trip around the Sun.
Love: The warm feeling you get towards someone who meets your neurotic
needs.
My name is Annie Key. Ouch! Why are you hitting me?!
My last cow just died, so I won't need your bull anymore.
Never, never, never *MOON* a werewolf.
Next time you wave at me, use more than one finger, please.
Nine out of ten doctors agree that one out of ten doctors is an idiot.
Nobody ever goes there, it's too crowded. (I've actually HEARD this!)
Not all men who drink are poets. Some of us drink because we are not poets.
The world's coming to an end. Log off and leave in an orderly fashion.
The secret of success is sincerity. Once you can fake that, you have it
made.
The death rate on Earth is: .... (computing) .... One per person.
There is a vas deferens between men and women.
This sentence contradicts itself: no, wait, actually it doesn't.
Two wrongs don't make a right, but three lefts do.
We need either less corruption or more chance to participate in it.
What this country needs is more leaders who know what this country needs.
What is mind? No matter. What is matter? Never mind. -- Thomas Key
What if there were no hypothetical situations? --Andrew Kohlsmith
When you make your mark in the world, watch out for guys with erasers.
While money doesn't buy love, it puts you in a great bargaining position.
You are warm and giving toward others. What are you after?
You have the body of a 19 year old. Please return it before it gets wrinkled.
Windows NT: The only 40 Megabyte virus.
If at first you DO succeed, try not to look astonished!
Silly fagot, dicks are for chicks
Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder...
Why is "abbreviation" such a long word?
Let go of my ears, I know what I'm doing
Don't use a big word where a diminutive one will suffice. ...
Madness takes its toll. Please have exact change.
24 hours in a day...24 beers in a case...coincidence? I think not!
I'd explain it to you, but your brain would explode.
A conclusion is simply the place where you got tired of thinking.
I don't have a solution but I admire the problem.
If things get any worse, I'll have to ask you to stop helping me.
If I want your opinion, I'll ask you to fill out the necessary forms.
If you only knew how naive you are...
Access denied--nah nah na nah nah!
"640K ought to be enough for anybody." - Bill Gates, 1981
I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!
I won't rise to the occaasion, but I'll slide over to it.
Ever notice how fast Windows runs? Neither did I.
Double your drive space - delete Windows!
What is a "free" gift ? Aren't all gifts free?
Assassins do it from behind.
If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.
.Don't take life too seriously, you won't get out alive.
"Insert disk #3," but only two will fit!
RAM DISK is not an installation procedure!