Kids Say the Darndest Things
I believe you should live each day as if it is the last, which is why I don't have any clean laundry because, come on, who wants to wash clothes on the last day of their life? (Age 15)
Give me the strength to change the things I can, the grace to accept the things I cannot, and a big bag of money. (Age 13)
Home is where the house is. (Age 6)
I often wonder why John Tesh isn't as popular a singer as some people think he should be. Then I remember it's because he really stinks. (Age 15)
For centuries, people thought the moon was made of green cheese. Then astronauts found out that the moon is really a big, hard rock. That's what happens to cheese when you leave it out. (Age 6)
My younger brother asked me what happens after we die. I told him we get buried under a bunch of dirt and worms eat our bodies. I guess I should have told him the truth - that most of us go to hell and burn eternally - but I didn't want to upset him. (Age 10)
As you make your way through this hectic world of ours, set aside a few minutes each day. At the end of the year you'll have a couple of days saved up. (Age 7)
If we could just get everyone to close his or her eyes and visualize world peace for an hour, imagine how serene and quiet it would be until the looting started. (Age 15)
Great Truths About Life (That Little Children Have Learned)
No matter how hard you try, you can't baptize cats.
When your mom is mad at your dad, don't let her brush your hair.
If your sister hits you, don't hit her back. They always catch the second person.
Never ask your three-year-old brother to hold a tomato.
You can't trust dogs to watch your food.
Reading what people write on desks can teach you a lot.
Don't sneeze when someone is cutting your hair.
Puppies still have bad breath even after eating a Tic-Tac.
Never hold a Dustbuster and a cat at the same time.
School lunches stick to the wall.
You can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk.
Don't wear polka-dot underwear with white shorts.
The best place to be when you are sad is in Grandma's lap.
Some grade school teachers must agree with that, because they keep journals of amusing things their students have written in papers.
- The inhabitants of Moscow are called Mosquitoes.
- The four seasons are salt, pepper, mustard and vinegar.
- The climate is hottest next to the Creator.
- The word trousers is an uncommon noun because it is singular at the top and plural at the bottom.
- In the middle of the 18th century, all the morons moved to Utah.
- A person should take a bath once in the summer, not so often in the winter.