ARIES (March 21 - April 19)Star Wars Character : C3P0 You are an uptight whiner, always saying things like "Oh no! Stormtroopers!" or "Now we are all going to die!" You really gotta loosen up. I mean, you >can't spend your whole life wandering around worrying about everything. Sit back, relax, have a beer. But don't spill any beer on your arm. I >hear that stuff is like ACID when it comes in contact with metal.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
TAURUS (April 20 - May 20)Star Wars Character : R2-D2 > >Beep-whizz-bang-beep. Beep-beep-beep-beep. Whir-swin-beep-beep. BEEEEP-beep.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
GEMINI (May 21 - June 20) Star Wars Character : Jabba the Hutt You think you are powerful, but the power you have over others comes from their fear, not their respect. Beware, fat man, for some day those who >you now take so much pleasure in controlling will turn around and kill you. Beware of Princesses wearing chains around their necks.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
CANCER (June 21 - July 22) Star Wars Character : Darth Vader You are evil and powerful. People may not like you, but they respect you. You can kill people with just a thought. You can move large >objects with just a thought. Your voice sounds really stupid though. Buy some cough drops!
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
LEO (July 23 - Aug. 22) Star Wars Character : Obi-wan "Ben" Kenobi You're old, and you dress funny. Beware of Cancers carrying light sabres.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
VIRGO (Aug.23 - Sept. 22) Star Wars Character : Yoda Yoda you are like. Funny talk you. But beyond your years wise are you. Hmmm. Hmmm. Downside there is always. Wise you may be, but ugly and short are you also.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
LIBRA (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22) Star Wars Character : Storm Trooper Canon foder. No one respects your talents and ambitions. You are treated more like a number then a person. "Do this!" "Do that!" people are always telling you. How come you always get stuck with the crumby Joe Jobs, like writing the Horoscope for the parte newsletter. Just once don't you wish you could have some of the glory? Some of the fame? That you could takeoff the uniform you wear and run around and say "Look at me! I'm special!I'm different!" Don't you wish that you could.... Fzzzt! Fzzzt! (the sounds of laser blasts hitting Storm Trooper armour. Han Solo and Luke Skywalker step nimbly over the now dead body of the Storm Trooper. Some of us are meant to be Queen Bees, and some of us our meant to be Worker Bees. Libras are the worker bees. Get used to it.)
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
SCORPIO (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21) Star Wars Character : Luke Skywalker Yes, you are like Luke, but more from the first movie when he was just a whiny little brat who knew nothing. Maybe with time you too can grow strong and powerful, but more likely you will end up like Mark Hamill, the only person associated with the movies who never became truly famous.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21) Star Wars Character : Evil Emperor Sure, you are probably one of the most powerful people in the universe, but you really got to work on your people skills. I mean, try giving the occasional compliment. And brush your teeth. They look disgusting. Doesn't your appearance mean anything to you? You are supreme ruler of the galaxy, you should be able to afford a face lift. And get some new duds. Those long robes are so dark ages! Try the Gap, they have nice stuff.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
CAPRICORN (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)Star Wars Character : Han Solo You are smooth and cool under pressure. You are daring and adventerous. You are environmental unfriendly (come on, driving around in an old bucket of bolts like the Millienium Falcon. I bet it doesn't even pass California Emmission standards). You are politically uncorrect (First, you wear leather, which means you don't care about animal rights. Secondly, you don't give Princess Leia the respect you give Chewie because she is a woman!). You're lucky you haven't crossed my path yet, mister, because I would have you up on Sexual Harrasment charges before you could jump to light speed! You thought carbon freezing was bad, wait until you come up against the BNR Sexual Harrasment Committee
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
AQUARIUS (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18) Star Wars Character : Princess Leia You kissed your brother. That's gross. I *REFUSE* to do a horoscope for some incest-loving sicko! I have morals, you know! God, you are disgusting.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
PISCES (Feb. 19 - March 20) Star Wars Character : The Snow Beast Remember when Luke got captured at the being of "The Emperor Strikes Back"by that big snow monster. Didn't he look like the Snow Monster from the Rudolph the Red Nosed Reigndeer special where the elf who wanted to be a dentist pulled his tooth? I think he did. Oh, yeah, you are like the snow beast because it lived in the snow, and when snow melts it becomes water, and water is what fish swim in, and Pisces is the sign of the fish. 'nuff said? -------------------------------------------------------------------------