Things to Do in Various Places/Times
During Trick-or-Treat
Fun Things for Professors to Do on the First
Day of Class
Fun Things to do in K-mart
Things to do in a UFO
Fill a briefcase with marbles and crackers. Write on it, "Top Secret" in big letters. When trick-or-treaters come, look around suspiciously, say, "It's about time you got here," give them the briefcase, and quickly shut the door.
After you give them candy, hand the trick-or-treaters a bill.
Insist that the trick-or-treaters each do ten push-ups before you give them any candy.
Hand out menus to the trick-or-treaters and let them order their candy. Keep asking if anyone wants to see the wine list.
Answer the door dressed as a pilgrim. Stare at the trick-or-treaters for a moment, pretend to be confused, and start flipping through a calendar.
Answer the door dressed as a dentist. Angrily give the trick-or-treaters a two-hour lecture on tooth decay.
Answer the door with a mouthful of M & M's and several half-eaten candy bars in your hands. Act surprised, and close the door. Open it again in a few seconds, and insist that you don't have any candy.
After confirming everyone's names on the roll, thank the class for attending "Advanced Astrodynamics 690" and mention that yesterday was the last day to drop.
Gradually speak softer and softer and then suddenly point to a student and scream "YOU! WHAT DID I JUST SAY?"
Deliver your lecture through a hand puppet. If a student asks you a question directly, say in a high-pitched voice, "The Professor can't hear you, you'll have to ask *me*, Winky Willy".
If someone asks a question, walk silently over to their seat, hand them your piece of chalk, and ask, "Would YOU like to give the lecture, Mr. Smartypants?"
Pick out random students, ask them questions, and time their responses with a stop watch. Record their times in your grade book while muttering "tsk, tsk".
Ask students to call you "Tinkerbell" or "Surfin' Bird".
Stop in mid-lecture, frown for a moment, and then ask the class whether your butt looks fat.
Announce "you'll need this", and write the suicide prevention hotline number on the board.
Have one of your graduate students sprinkle flower petals ahead of you as you pace back and forth.
Every so often, freeze in mid sentence and stare off into space for several minutes. After a long, awkward silence, resume your sentence and proceed normally.
Devote your math lecture to free verse about your favorite numbers and ask students to "sit back and groove".
Bring a small dog to class. Tell the class he's named "Boogers McGee" and is your "mascot". Whenever someone asks a question, walk over to the dog and ask it, "What'll be, McGee?"
Bring a CPR dummy to class and announce that it will be the teaching assistant for the semester. Assign it an office and office hours.
Announce that the entire 32-volume Encyclopedia Britannica will be required reading for your class. Assign a report on Volume 1, Aardvark through Armenia, for next class.
Jog into class, rip the textbook in half, and scream, "Are you pumped? ARE YOU PUMPED? I CAN'T HEEEEEEAR YOU!"
When someone asks if you need help, begin to cry and ask, "Why won't you people just leave me alone?"
Take shopping carts for the express purpose of filling them and stranding them at strategic locations.
Re-dress the mannequins as you see fit.
When there are people behind you, walk REALLY SLOW, especially thin narrow aisles.
Walk up to an employee and tell him in an official tone, "I think we've got a Code in Housewares," and see what happens.
While walking through the clothing department, ask yourself loud enough for all to hear, "Who BUYS this junk, anyway?"
Ride a display bicycle through the store; claim you're taking it for a "test drive."
As the cashier runs your purchases over the scanner, look mesmerized and say, "Wow. Magic!"
Move "Caution: Wet Floor" signs to carpeted areas.
Set up a tent in the camping department; tell others you'll only invite them in if they bring pillows from Bed and Bath.
Drape a blanket around your shoulders and run around saying, "...I'm Batman. Come, Robin - to the Batcave!"
Dart around suspiciously while humming the theme from "Mission: Impossible."
When an announcement comes over the loudspeaker, assume the fetal position and scream, "No, no! It's those voices again!"
If they're studying you, make cow noises.
Cough a lot. (haha the aliens probably don't have the right antibodies to stop the virus from killing them hahaha)
Pretend to be dead, then when they get close, scream in their face.
Piss everywhere. That stuff is messy in zero gravity.