Absurd Warning Labels

On a cardboard windshield sun shade: "Warning: Do Not Drive With Sun Shield in Place."
On an infant's bathtub: Do not throw baby out with bath water. (Gary Dawson, Arlington)
On a package of Fisherman's Friend(R) throat lozenges: Not meant as substitute for human companionship. (Tom Witte, Gaithersburg)
On a Magic 8 Ball: Not advised for use as a home pregnancy test. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
On a roll of Life Savers: Not for use as a flotation device. (Jean Sorensen, Herndon)
On a cup of McDonald's coffee: Allow to cool before applying to groin area. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)
On a Pentium chip: If this product exhibits errors, the manufacturer will replace it for a $2 shipping and a $3 handling charge, for a total of $4.97. (Russell Beland, Springfield)
On a refrigerator: Refrigerate after opening. (Cissie J. Owen, Leesburg)
On a disposable razor: Do not use this product during an earthquake. (Jim Gaffney, Manassas)
On a handgun: Not recommended for use as a nutcracker. (Art Grinath, Takoma Park)
On pantyhose: Not to be used in the commission of a felony. (Judith Daniel, Washington)
On a piano: Harmful or fatal if swallowed. (Peter Fay, Herndon)
On Kevorkian's suicide machine: This product uses carbon monoxide, which has been found to cause cancer in laboratory rats. (Meg Sullivan, Potomac)
On a calendar: Use of term "Sunday" for reference only. No meteorological warranties express or implied. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)
On Odor Eaters: Do not eat. (Chuck Smith, Woodbridge)
On Sen. Bob Dole: WARNING: Contents under pressure and may explode. (Doug Keim, Schaumburg, Ill. )
On a revolving door: Passenger compartments for individual use only. (Elden Carnahan, Laurel)
On a microscope: Objects are smaller and less alarming than they appear. (J. Calvin Smith, Laurel)
On children's alphabet blocks: Letters may be used to construct phrases and sentences that may be deemed offensive. (David Handelsman, Charlottesville)
On a wet suit: Capacity, 1. (J. Calvin Smith, Laurel)
On The Washington Post: Do not cut up and use for blackmail note. (Joseph Romm, Washington).

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