The Hardest Goodbye
By: Lori (SixteenOzs)

DISCLAIMER: "ER," the characters and situations depicted within are the property of Warner Bros. Television, Amblin Entertainment, Constant c Productions, NBC, etc. They are borrowed without permission, but without the intent of infringement. The story presented here is written solely for entertainment purposes, and the author is making no profit.

Please do not post or redistribute without the disclaimer above, or without the consent of the author.

Feedback is welcome. Please send all questions, comments or criticisms to SixteenOzs02@yahoo.com

SUMMARY: As Mark faces a personal crisis, Elizabeth struggles to prevent him from shutting her out of his life.

BACKGROUND: This story begins after the sixth season episode "Be Patient," and it INCLUDES SPOILERS FOR "BE PATIENT."

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: I would like to take this opportunity to thank Trigg for being a great sounding board for ideas on this story, and for endlessly looking over samples of what I'd written. Thank you so much!

PART III, July 2000

Elizabeth turned over as she woke up, and immediately regretted it. The other side of the bed was empty, and by now, she wasn't even surprised. She sighed heavily as she laid on her back and stared at the ceiling. After a few minutes, she closed her eyes and drew in a deep breath, trying to fight back the tears and the doubts.

It'd been seven weeks since they'd returned from San Diego. The only thing Mark seemed to care about anymore was work. He was always volunteering for extra shifts, making diagnoses everyone else missed, saving every patient that came through the doors of the ER. As far as the hospital was concerned, he was definitely on top of his game.

As for everything else, that was a different story. They used to talk for hours and make each other laugh. They didn't seem to do much of either anymore. She honestly had no idea when was the last time he had a full night's sleep. He was always there when the alarm went off, and she knew he was coming back to bed so she wouldn't worry. But she was worried.

"Don't let him shut everyone out."

Those words echoed through her mind. That's exactly what he was going, and she wasn't sure she knew how to stop it.

With another sigh, she got out of bed, pulled on her robe and walked into the living room. As she expected, he was sitting on the sofa in the dark. Without saying a word, she took a seat across from him.

He looked up as she came into the room, but remained silent as she sat down.

After several moments, she said, "I think we need to talk."

He exhaled slowly. He'd been expecting this for a while. Finally, he quietly agreed, "Yeah."

"What's going on here, Mark?" she asked. "We're drifting apart. It's almost like we're just two people occupying the same space now. It scares the hell out of me, but I can't keep denying it."

He had been distancing himself from her since his father's death. He couldn't argue with that. It wasn't because he didn't care about her, because he did. He was just afraid of losing her, too. Sighing, he stood up and walked over to the window. He finally answered. "I don't know."

She followed him to the window, not willing to let him walk away from this. "I won't tell you that I know what you're going through. I don't know what it's like to lose a parent, much less both in under a year. But I am here for you, Mark. Let me in. Let me help."

He didn't know what to say, how he should respond, so he remained quiet.

She waited several minutes, then sighed softly and said, "One of the last things your father said to me was, 'Don't let him shut everyone out.'" She stopped to let that sink in. "I'm trying to do that, I really am. But it's not easy, and it's only getting harder."

It was his turn to sigh. He turned to face her after a moment. "I felt like I was just getting to know him, and then he was gone. I just need some time to deal with this. I'll be fine," he assured her.

"That's just it, Mark. You're not fine. You're not sleeping. You're barely eating. You're not talking to me. The only think you seem to even remotely care about anymore is work. I can see that you're self-destructing, and I don't know what to do to stop it," she said plaintively.

"You don't HAVE to do anything," he replied. "I can handled this."

She stared at him in disbelief for a moment. "You think I'm doing this because I feel like I HAVE to?" she asked bitterly, her voice rising. "I'm doing this because I love you, damn it! I'm doing this because I need you in my life, and I don't want to think about what it would be like without you!"

She stopped suddenly as she realized just what she'd just said. That was the first time she'd told him that she loved him. "Damn," she swore under her breath. Even thought she'd known it for a while, that wasn't the way she'd imagined telling him. Carefully, she looked to him, to gauge his reaction.

He turned back to the window and closed his eyes. Why did she have to say that? Anything but that.

She wasn't sure how much time passed, but it felt like forever. Finally, as she fought back tears, she questioned, "You don't feel the same?"

He opened his eyes, and stared out the window. "I do. That's the problem," he whispered.

She watched him, a confused expression on her face. 'That's the problem.' What the hell did that mean?

He knew she deserved an explanation. After a few moments, he quietly said, "I've lost everyone I've ever loved. My parents, Jen, Susan. And Rachel's not even living in the same state. I don't want to lose you, too."

She put her hand on his shoulder and gently turned him so that he was facing her. "And you think admitting how you feel will cause that?"

"I don't know," he answered honestly as he stared at a spot on the floor. "If history's any indication…"

"I'm not planning on going anywhere, Mark," she said softly. "A little more than a year ago, I was finishing my internship and trying to figure out how I was going to stay in Chicago this year. A relationship was the last thing I was looking for. But somehow, you came into the picture and changed everything. That was the best thing that ever happened to me. I don't want to lose what we have, and I won't give it up without one hell of a fight. I promise you that, Mark."

Slowly, he looked up at her and was moved by the truthfulness he saw in her eyes. He'd never known anyone like her before. She was strong, independent, intelligent, feisty, passionate and beautiful. Losing that, losing what they shared, terrified him more than he fully realized.

After a moment, he quietly said, "I don't want to lose this, either. I love you, Elizabeth. But the truth is I'm not sure I know what I'm doing right now."

"Then we'll figure it out. Together," she said with a small smile as she stepped closer to him and slipped her arms around him.

"What did I ever do to deserve you?" he questioned, smiling weakly.

"I think we're both just lucky to have found each other," she answered.

They sat down on the sofa and spent the next two hours talking, laughing and crying. The first rays of sunlight could be seen when they finally returned to bed. She was relieved to see him fall asleep relatively quickly. She watched him with a slight smile on her face.

Almost an hour later, she reached for the telephone and dialed the familiar number for the surgical nurse's station.

"Surgery," Shirley answered.

"Shirley, it's Elizabeth Corday. I was wondering what my schedule looked liked today" she said quietly, as not to wake Mark.

"Just a second," Shirley replied as she started shuffling through papers. "Uh, you've got a hernia at nine and a small bowel obstruction at two-thirty."

"Do you think you could get someone to cover those for me?" Elizabeth wondered.

Shirley shuffled more papers. "Actually, it looks like a pretty slow day. Anspaugh is free this morning, Hicks this afternoon. I could probably get them to cover. If not, it shouldn't be a problem finding someone else."

"That's great," Elizabeth replied. "I won't be in today, but I should be back on Monday. If you could just let everyone know."

"Sure, Dr. Corday," Shirley said. "Anything else?"

"If you could just transfer me to the ER?" Elizabeth requested.

"So, that's why you want the day off?" Shirley questioned with a laugh. "Hold on. I'll transfer you."

"Thank you," Elizabeth chuckled.

After a moment, Randi picked up, "ER."

"Randi, it's Elizabeth Corday. Is Dr. Weaver there?"

"Yeah, she's right here," Randi replied. "Hold on."

"Elizabeth? It's Kerry."

"'Morning, Kerry. I just wanted to let you know that Mark won't be able to make it in today," Elizabeth explained.

"Is everything okay?" Kerry asked in a concerned tone.

Elizabeth smiled. For the first time in many months, she could honestly answer, "Yeah, it is. I think he just needs a little more time to deal with his father's death."

"That's fine," Kerry assured her. "We'll see you on Monday."

"Thanks," Elizabeth said with a smile as she hung up the phone.

She slid down in bed, moving so that her head rested next to his shoulder and her arm was draped gently across his chest. She sighed softly as she drifted of to sleep.

Mark woke up slowly, sensing Elizabeth's presence next to him before he opened his eyes. After he opened his eyes, he smiled as he watched her sleep.

Wondering how much time they had before they needed to get ready for work, he glanced at the clock. He was shocked to discover that it was almost twelve-thirty. He should have been at the hospital almost five hours ago. He couldn't believe that the ER hadn't paged him, wondering were he was.

As he started to get out of bed, he said, "Elizabeth, wake up. We overslept!"

She awoke at the sound of his voice, but her head was still hazy from sleep. Somewhere in the back of her mind, she remembered calling the hospital and telling them that they wouldn't be in. She reached for his arm and pulled him back into the bed. "We're off today," she murmured.

"It's Friday," he reminded her. "We were both on at eight. It's almost twelve-thirty."

"I called Kerry and told her you wouldn't be in today. I also had Shirley reassign my surgeries," she explained.

He stared at her, his expression one of stupefaction. "Really?" he questioned.

"Yeah," she nodded. "You haven't taken a day off since we returned from California, and you were finally getting some sleep. I thought that was more important than your shift."

"Thank you," he whispered as he climbed back into bed next to her and gently brushed her hair back from her face.

"You're welcome," she smiled.

"Is Romano going to have a problem with you taking off today?" he wondered.

"He's not there today," she replied. "Meeting with the hospital board this morning, then a seminar this afternoon."

"You're missing an opportunity to work in a Romano-free environment?" he questioned with a grin.

"A day at work without Romano, or a day at home, alone, with you?" She pretended to think about this for a few moments. Smiling, she answered, "No contest."

He chuckled softly, then stared at her a few moments, a smile still on his face.

"What?" she wondered.

"I love you," he said quietly.

"Don't forget who said it first," she teased with a grin.

He laughed. "I won't."

Seriously, she whispered, "I love you, too."

He moved slightly and she shifted so that she was leaning back against his chest. They rested there in a comfortable silence, until she finally commented, "Your father knew you better than you ever realized."

He looked at her curiously. "What makes you say that?" he inquired.

"That night in the ER, he also said to me, 'He's in love with you, whether he realizes it yet or not,'" she explained.

He smiled sadly. "He was right."

She turned slightly. In a concerned tone, she asked, "Are you going to be okay?"

He drew in a deep breath, then with a somewhat stronger smile, said, "Yeah, I think so."

For the first time since he'd told her about his father's diagnosis, they both believed what he said.

"Good," she smiled, "because I worry about you."

"I know," he nodded. "Thank you for everything you've done the past few months. I know I shut you out, and I'm sorry."

"You're welcome. Just don't let it happen again," she said softly.

"I won't," he promised as he leaned closer and kissed her gently. After a few moments, he wondered, "Can I ask you something?"

"Of course," she assured him. "What is it?"

"I'm thinking about seeing someone, a therapist, to help me get through this," he explained. "What do you think?"

"I think it's a good idea," she nodded encouragingly. "You've been through a lot in the last year. You know I'll always be here for you, but I think it would help for you to talk to someone else about it."

"I think I'm going to look into it when I get back to the hospital," he said quietly.

"We're going to get through this, Mark," she assured him as she covered his hand with hers and gave it a gentle squeeze.

"I know," he nodded as he held her a bit closer.

THE END

AUTHOR'S NOTE: I've written Mark and Susan fics before, but this is the first Mark and Elizabeth fic I've posted. I'd really love to know what you think of it, good or bad. Please e-mail me at SixteenOzs02@yahoo.com Thanks for reading!

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