Moments Like This, Part III
By: Lori (SixteenOzs)

DISCLAIMER: "ER," the characters, and situations depicted within are the property of Warner Brothers Television, Amblin Entertainment, Constant c Productions, NBC, etc. They are borrowed without permission, but without the intent of infringement. The story presented here is written solely for entertainment purposes and the author is not making a profit.

Please do not post or redistribute without the disclaimer above, or without the consent of the author.

Feedback is always welcome. I'd love to know what you think. Please send any questions, comments, or criticisms to SixteenOzs02@yahoo.com

SUMMARY: Follows Moments Like This, Part II

Stories in this series:

1. Long Way Back
2. Working Together
3. Moments Like This

PART III

Nearly two hours later, Susan was back in the exam room, and Emily was preparing for a needle biopsy. Turning to Susan, she asked, "Feel free to tell me that this is none of my business, and I should stick to medicine, but is there something wrong between you and Mark?

Susan looked at her curiously for a moment before she said, "Why do you ask?"

"It's just a feeling I've picked up while talking to both of you today. I don't know," she shrugged, "maybe I was just imagining things."

"You weren't imagining things," she said quietly.

Emily turned her full attention to Susan, but didn't say anything. She just waited for her to continue.

"This morning, I suggested we break-up," Susan admitted, staring at the floor.

"Mind if I ask why?"

She looked up. "I don't mind. You heard about his attack, right?"

"Yeah," Emily nodded.

"He's been through so much the last few months. I know I hurt him when I moved to Phoenix. I came back just as he was trying to get over the attack. He's doing better, but I guess I've been assuming that this is cancer, so I figured it would just be easier if we ended things now."

"So, you were trying to protect him?"

"Yeah, I think so. He's been through so much, he doesn't need to see what this could do to me," she said as she felt a the sting of tears forming.

"What did he say?" Emily asked.

Susan smiled slightly, "He said he didn't care about what could happen, that he loved me and he wanted to spend all of the time that we did have together."

"Sounds like a pretty great offer to me," Emily commented.

"It is," Susan agreed.

"Then you're not breaking up?"

"No," she said, shaking her head.

"That's good. I've seen a lot of women come in here like you, Susan. They found something and want to get it checked out. Most aren't cancer, but some are. There's quite a bit I can do for them with medicine and technology. But, I'm convinced that cancer is just as much of a psychological disease as it is a physical one. Knowing there's someone who will always be there, to love you unconditionally, can do just as much as drugs or machines," she explained.

Continuing, she added, "Quite a few of the women I see come in here with husbands or boyfriends. I can usually tell that first day if she's going to have the support she needs to fight this disease. Unfortunately, some guys just can't handle it, and they'll leave. Others will be there until the very end, no matter what that is. It's kind of sad in a way, but I've gotten to a point were I can pick out which ones will be in each category. Let me just say this, for the ones that'll be there, Mark's off the scale. I talked to him for a few minutes earlier, and I can tell that he's in love with you. He's also just as confused and scared as you are, but he's not going anywhere," Emily assured her.

Susan sighed and gave a weary smile. "In my heart, I know that. I just haven't been able to convince my head yet."

"Give it time," Emily suggested. "Talk to him. Let him in."

"I'll try," Susan nodded. "Thanks."

"You're welcome," she smiled. "Now, are you ready to do this?"

She drew in a shaky breath the nodded, "Yeah."

As Emily numbed the area, Susan closed her eyes and clenched her hands into fists by her sides. She flinched as she felt the slight prick of the needle.

"Just relax," Emily said in a soothing voice.

Opening her eyes, Susan gave a half-laugh and said, "Easy for you to say."

"You're doing great, Susan," she assured her.

"Are you getting anything?" she asked hesitantly.

Emily didn't answer immediately, but then shook her head and said, "No, just a little blood."

Susan swallowed hard to push back the lump in her throat. Forcing herself to take a deep breath, she closed her eyes tightly and refused to let the tears fall.

As Emily finished, she said, "I'm going to run this through the lab, but I seriously doubt if we'll get anything from it. I want you to come back tomorrow morning for an excisional biopsy. I know you'd probably rather get it over with now, but I think you've been through enough for one day."

She didn't add that the chances of this being cancer were increasing, and she thought Susan could use a little extra time to adjust to that.

"Okay," Susan nodded as she clasped her hands together to prevent them from shaking. "Is there anything else I need to do today?"

"No, just see the receptionist when you go out to set up a time for tomorrow. And the usual rules apply: no food after Midnight tonight and have someone here to drive you home. Somehow, I don't think that'll be a problem."

"It won't," Susan said with a small smile.

"Go home, let him hold you for a while," Emily suggested as she moved towards the door.

"That's the best idea I've heard all day," Susan admitted.

"See you tomorrow," Emily said quietly before closing the door behind her.

"Tomorrow," Susan echoed.

She sat there for a few moments, still trying to adjust to everything. Slowly, she stood up and began to get dressed.

Mark was waiting for her when she came out ten minutes later. From the look on her face, he could immediately tell that the news wasn't good. Taking her hand in his, he asked softly, "Want to go for a walk?"

She turned and gave him a grateful smile. Her voice faltered a bit as she said, "Yeah, I'd like that."

They walked the few blocks from the hospital in silence. Finally coming to a secluded spot near the water, they sat down on a bench. He watched her curiously, desperately wanting to know what she found out, but also knowing she would tell him when she was ready.

"It's a tumor," she said quietly, staring out at the water. "She only got a little blood in the needle biopsy. I've got to come back tomorrow for an excisional one."

He let out a deep breath. "How are you holding up?"

She shook her head sadly, "I don't know. I knew as soon as I found this that it could be cancer, and I've been trying to get used to that possibility. But deep down, I think I still thought it was just a cyst. She'd drain it, it would go away and I could go on with my life. Now, I just don't know."

He wrapped his arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer to him. He wanted nothing more than to assure her that this would work out, that she would be fine. But he couldn't, because he didn't know himself. Gently, he reminded her, "There's still a chance it could be benign."

She turned to look at him and laughed bitterly. "Sure, Mark. It COULD be benign. Doug could also dump Carol for Kerry. We've been doing this too long. We both know better."

"Then we'll get through it together," he said simply.

She gave a small smile. She knew he was only trying to be helpful. "You want to know something?"

"What?" he asked.

"I meant what I said this morning. If you want to leave, I'll understand," she said, holding up her hand to stop him from interrupting. "But the truth is, right now, the only thing that scares me more than the fact that this is probably cancer, is what I'd do if you weren't here."

He smiled, "Then you're in luck, because that's not going to happen."

"I love you," she said quietly.

"And I love you." He studied her a minute before commenting, "You look tired. Want to head home?"

She considered this. Maybe Emily was right, maybe she should just let him hold her. "Yeah," she nodded.

They were quite as they walked back to the hospital, picked up his car and drove back to the apartment. Unlocking the door, he said, "I know it's a while after lunch, but would you like something to eat?"

"No," she said absently, "I'm not really hungry, but thanks."

"Are you sure? You should probably eat something," he tried again.

"I know," she nodded as she walked over to the window. "I just don't want anything right now."

"Okay," he said, moving towards the kitchen. "Anything to drink?"

Looking in his direction, she smiled, "No, I'm fine."

He got a drink from the refrigerator before walking back into the living room. "Feel like talking about it?" he asked.

She folder her arms across her chest and stared out the window. "I just want to know why this is happening. Why now?" she asked bitterly.

"Is this some kind of test? To see how much I can take. Haven't I been through enough the past few years?" she asked rhetorically. "First Chloe got pregnant, then she had Susie and left her with me. Somehow I was able to work it out so I could continue my residency and adopt her, but Chloe came back. Then I moved to Phoenix, and all but ruined things between us. I finally admitted to myself that I needed you and moved back, but I wasn't sure you ever wanted to see me again. We managed to get through all of that. And now this. Damn it, it's just not fair. I don't think I'm asking for that much. I just want to be with you, and be happy. I want to go to work, do what I can to make a difference, complain about the hours I'm putting in at the hospital and come home with you. Is that really too much to ask?" she asked, as she turned her head to look at him.

"No, it's not," he said as he sat his drink on the table and walked over to her. Standing behind her, he wrapped his arms around her and pulled her close to him. "I wish I could give you all of that right now, Susan," he whispered into her hair. "I really do."

She leaned her head back against him. "I know you do," she replied softly. "And I love you for it. But neither one of us has any control over this."

"Not exactly what they taught us in med school, is it?" he asked with a slight laugh.

"No, it's not," she said with a rueful smile. "Power over chaos. Assess the situation, develop a plan of action and save the patient. I can't figure out why, but that's not working this time."

"That's because this time, we're not the doctors," he said.

"Sucks, doesn't it?" she laughed.

"Yeah," he nodded. He studied her for a moment, then said, "You look tired. How much sleep did you get last night?"

"I don't know," she shrugged. "Some."

"Well, it couldn't have been much because you fell asleep after I did, and you were up first this morning. Why don't you go lay down for a while," he suggested.

She considered this. The truth was she was exhausted, but she didn't want to give up the feel of his arms around her. She smiled as she said, "One condition."

"What's that?" he asked suspiciously.

"You'll hold me?" she asked, turning to face him.

He smiled, "You got it."

They went into the bedroom, and she laid with her head on his shoulder, his arm wrapped securely around her. It wasn't long before the events of the last few hours began to catch up with her. The fear, the uncertainty, the anger. She slowly began to realize she couldn't make it through this alone, and that she didn't have to. Wrapping an arm across his chest, she gave into the tears.

He pulled her closer as he felt her tremble under the weight of the sobs that began to wrack through her body. He wanted to comfort her, to somehow make this easier. He wanted to give her the answers she needed, but he didn't have them. And he didn't want to consider what his life would be like without her, under any circumstances.

TO BE CONTINUED...

I'd love to know what you think. Please send all feedback to SixteenOzs02@yahoo.com

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