"Start All Over Again" Gap-Filler
By: Lori (SixteenOzs)

DISCLAIMER: "ER," the characters and situations depicted within are the property of Warner Brothers Television, Amblin Entertainment, Constant c Productions, NBC, etc. They are borrowed without permission, but without the intent of infringement. The story presented here is written solely for entertainment purposes, and the author is not making a profit.

SUMMARY: This scene begins after "Start All Over Again."

Feedback is welcome. Please send all questions, comments or criticisms to SixteenOzs02@yahoo.com

RATING: PG

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: I would like to thank Ros, Cari and Megan for all of their help in looking over the drafts of this story and giving me such great feedback. Thank you all so much!

Mark sighed as he finished folding the laundry, then sat the basket near the foot of the stairs before making sure the doors were locked and turning off the lights. Noticing the light shining from under the door to Rachel's room, he stopped and gently tapped on the door.

"Yeah?" she called from inside.

Opening the door, he said, "You should get some sleep. You've got school tomorrow."

"I know," she nodded with a smile. "I'm going to bed in a few minutes."

"Okay. 'Night."

"'Night, Dad," she called after him as he pulled the door closed.

A few moments later, Mark smiled as he carried the laundry basked into the nursery and found Elizabeth standing next to the crib, watching as their daughter slept.

"How is she?" he inquired in a whisper while placing the clean clothes into the drawer.

Looking up, Elizabeth softly replied, "I just put her back down. If we're lucky, we might get five or six hours before she wakes up again."

"It's better than two or three," he chuckled as he closed the drawer.

"This is true," she agreed quietly, a smile spreading across her face as her gaze shifted back to the little girl sleeping before them.

Moving to stand behind his wife, Mark slipped his arms around her waist and rested his chin on her shoulder. "Why can't they stay like this until they graduate from college?"

She turned slightly in his arms and gave an incredulous look, which slowly turned to a grin, "Are you insane? Twenty-two years of breast-feeding and sleepless nights? I don't think so!"

"I'm going to remember you said that when she becomes a teenager," he retorted.

Elizabeth just laughed before turning serious a moment later. Drawing in a deep breath, she asked, "What'd she have to say?"

Watching Ella, he replied, "That they only had burgers and hotdogs at the party, so some of them decided to go out to eat, and that she tried to call from the restaurant but the pay phone was broken."

"She could have called before she left Claire's. Or asked to use the restaurant's primary phone," Elizabeth suggested, obviously doubtful of Rachel's explanation.

"I know," he sighed. "She said we could avoid this problem in the future if she had a cell phone."

"Mark..." Elizabeth said in a warning tone.

"I know," he repeated with another sigh. He hesitated before admitting, "It's just... I don't want to push her away. She came here because she was having problems with Jen. I don't want her to have the same problems with me."

Elizabeth nodded, understanding the predicament he faced, then cautiously added, "But you also can't have her running all over the city without any boundaries."

"But where do I draw them?" he wondered dismally.

"Don't look at me," she chuckled. "When I was her age, I knew not to break the dorm rules because I didn't want breakfast duty."

"Breakfast duty?"

"If you got in trouble, the dorm mother could give you breakfast duty. It could be for a day or a week. I knew one girl who had it for a month. You had to be down in the dining hall forty-five minutes before everyone else and help set-up for breakfast. Then, you had stay after for twenty or thirty minutes, cleaning up."

"Boarding school," he said thoughtfully. "Maybe that's the answer."

"Mark!" she chided playfully.

"I know."

As she leaned back against his chest, she assured him, "You'll figure something out."

"I hope so," he murmured quietly.

They remained like that for several minutes, quietly watching as their daughter slept. Finally, Mark commented, "You're awfully tense."

She just shrugged in response.

"Worried about the sepsis investigation?"

"Yeah," she whispered.

"Want to talk about it?"

Watching Ella, Elizabeth couldn't help but marvel at how innocent and peaceful she was. The worst thing that happened in her world was having to wait a few minutes too long for a feeding or a diaper change. Elizabeth knew that wouldn't last forever, but she still wanted to protect it as long as she could. Finally, she said, "Not here."

Mark was already propped against the pillows when Elizabeth came out of the bathroom ten minutes later. She sighed heavily as she climbed into bed next to him.

He waited, but when she didn't say anything, he carefully prompted, "What exactly did infection control say?"

She sighed again and rested her head against the pillow. "That because I lost a third patient to sepsis, a formal investigation was triggered; and that if I don't cooperate, I'll lose my privileges. Romano and Anspaugh are supporting the investigation."

"Nice way to show their support," Mark commented sarcastically.

She tried to smile, but it just wouldn't come. Her voice wavered as she admitted, "Mark, it was one of the most humiliating and degrading experiences of my life. First, to be pulled away from a patient, with my staff watching; then to be forced into submitting to a pelvic exam and giving stool, urine and breast milk samples." She grimaced in disgust as she added, "If I ever have to go through something like that, it'll be too soon."

As he wrapped his arms around her shoulders, Mark encouragingly promised, "You won't."

"This thing could be huge. It could destroy my entire career," she lamented.

"Elizabeth, that's not going to happen," he firmly stated. "Even if you are a carrier of this bacteria, you'll take the meds and kill the bacteria. If you're not a carrier, infection control will just have to look elsewhere for the source of the infection. There's no way you're the only person in the hospital who treated all three patients."

She was quiet for the next few minutes as the one thing she'd been trying not to think about wouldn't stop running through her mind. Her voice was barely above a whisper as she questioned, "What if the patients' families find out? What if they sue the hospital, and me, for malpractice? I don't think I can stand to go through that, Mark. Not again."

Turning so that he could look at her directly, he reached out and gently cupped the side of her face with his palm. "You're a long way from that, Elizabeth. Right now, there's nothing that even suggests you did anything wrong or that you let these patients down in any way. Yes, it's tragic that they all died from post-op sepsis, but they were all elderly and they all had compromised conditions going into the surgery. Sepsis is a known complication in situations like that. Infections can develop even if you do everything you know how to prevent it. If that happens, you're not liable for malpractice."

Elizabeth looked down, fingering the hem of the sheet. She hesitated for several moments, before quietly suggesting, "What if I didn't do everything I know how to prevent it?

"What do you mean?"

She drew in a slow deep breath before finally looking back to him and admitting, "I can't deny that I've been completely and absolutely exhausted since I went back to work. Once, I actually fell asleep standing on my feet in the middle of a surgery. It was only for a few seconds, but... Maybe I missed something, maybe I made a mistake, maybe I didn't scrub thoroughly. Maybe I did something that caused these people to die."

"You don't really believe that, do you?" When she turned away and didn't reply, he said, "Elizabeth, you are not a threat to your patients. I know you, and I know that you would never intentionally put your patients in jeopardy. If you thought, even for a second, that you were endangering your patients, you wouldn't be in that OR."

Managing a rueful half-laugh, she countered, "Do you really think that would stop me? You know me. I'm stubborn enough to think I can do everything by myself."

With a coy grin, he conceded, "Well, you are probably the most stubborn woman I've ever met. But that can be one of your most endearing, and infuriating, qualities."

"Thanks," she laughed sarcastically.

"But seriously, Elizabeth, I do know you. That's why I know you'd never knowingly jeopardize your patients." He hesitated a moment, then questioned, "Remember when I was experiencing aphasia earlier this year?"

With a soft smile, she answered, "Vaguely."

"I spent a lot of time thinking about what would happen if I was in a trauma and couldn't think of the word I needed for a drug or a procedure or an instrument," he admitted softly. "I'd lie awake at night, running procedures through my head, just to make sure I could come up with the names. I probably spent more time thinking about procedures this winter than I did the entire time I was in med. school. I thought about it a lot, but in the end, I always believed I'd be able to do my job or the nurses would be there for me. We have the best nurses in the world, and I've worked with most of them for over then years. Generally, they know what I'm going to ask for in a trauma before I even say it. I wasn't one-hundred percent, but I never honestly believed that would interfere with my ability to treat patients. If I thought it would, I wouldn't have been there. I know you've been tired lately with the baby, we both have, but sometimes that's just a fact of life. We've been though that before with med. school, our internships and residencies. You adjust. Elizabeth, you've been a doctor for nearly fifteen years. You know what you're doing, even if you're not consciously thinking about it. You did not intentionally cause the death of these patients."

She sighed softly, before explaining, "Any other time, I'd probably believe that. But after last year..."

"I know," he whispered with an understanding nod. "Your confidence gets thrown for a loop after a malpractice suit. It takes a while to recover from that, and this is coming pretty close on the heels of Patterson. But what you can't forget is that you are an excellent doctor, and there is nothing to show that you were negligent in your treatment of these patients."

She smiled weakly, "Somehow, that sounds easier said than done."

"Maybe," he conceded as he smiled back, "but you'll have me around to remind you."

Caressing his cheek, she whispered, "I don't know how I'd get through this without you."

Just before his lips gently met hers, he whispered, "That is one thing you don't have to worry about."

I'd love to know what you think. Please seed all comments and feedback to: SixteenOzs02@yahoo.com LLP

January 1, 2002

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