"Where The Heart Is" Gap-Filler
By: Lori (SixteenOzs)

DISCLAIMER: "ER," the characters and situations depicted within are the property of Warner Brothers Television, Amblin Entertainment, Constant c Productions, NBC, etc. They are borrowed without permission, but without the intent of infringement. The story presented here is written solely for entertainment purposes, and the author is not making a profit.

SUMMARY: This scene takes place after "Where The Heart Is."

Feedback is welcome. Please send all questions, comments or criticisms to SixteenOzs02@yahoo.com

RATING: PG

ACKNOWLEDGEMENTS: I would like to thank Ros and EpneBelle for all of their help in looking over the drafts of this story and giving me such great feedback. Thank you both so much!

Mark sighed heavily as he unlocked the door and entered the house. After the day he had, all he wanted to do was hold his daughter, then fall asleep with his wife in his arms. Closing the door behind him, he dropped his things in the foyer as he looked around. Not seeing Elizabeth, he called her name.

When there was no reply, he headed for the stairs, taking them two at a time. He had to smile as he stopped at the door to their bedroom. Elizabeth was lying in bed, her red curls spilling across her face and the pillow. He loved their daughter, they both did, but he wasn't sure either of them had been able to get more than three or four continuous hours of sleep since Ella was born. The night before was even worse than usual. Not having the heart to wake Elizabeth, he pulled the comforter around her shoulders and lightly brushed the hair back from her face.

Chuckling softly to himself, he realized that if he wanted to make sure Elizabeth remained asleep, he had to make sure Ella didn't start crying. He crossed the hall from their bedroom into the nursery. Walking to the crib, he was surprised to find his daughter awake and silently watching the mobile he made for her.

He lightly caressed Ella's cheek as he said, "Hi, Sweetheart. Are you being a good girl and letting Mommy sleep for a change?"

Ella just cooed in response.

"Why don't we go downstairs so we don't wake Mommy?" Mark suggested as he leaned over the crib's rail, carefully picked up his daughter and held her in his arms. When Ella just stared back, he laughed, "I'll take that as a yes."

He held her for a moment, a curious expression on his face. Chuckling after a moment, he added, "Actually, I think you need a new diaper first."

After changing the diaper, Mark snuggly wrapped Ella in her blanket, then picked her up again. As they reached the living room, Ella began to get fussy. "Well, you've been up for about five minutes, so my guess is that you're hungry."

Mark placed Ella in her carrier near the sofa as he went into the kitchen and warmed a bottle. Returning a few minutes later, he announced, "Dinner is served."

Sitting the bottle on the coffee table, he gently lifted the little girl and cradled her in his arms as they settled into the corner of the sofa. He reached for the bottle, then offered it to Ella, who hungrily accepted.

Caressing the back of her hand with his thumb, Mark couldn't help but smile. "You remind me so much of your mom. Do you know that?" he wondered softly. "You're lucky, because she is an amazing woman. She's been through so much these past few months, and I know there were times when she was scared, yet she never complained." He stopped and drew in a deep breath, grateful just to be there, to be able to hold his daughter. "But you don't need to worry about any of that. All you need to know is that we're here, we're together and we're going to be just fine."

As he watched his daughter, he couldn't help but think about Ben Fossen. How could someone do that to their own child? Whenever he looked at Ella or Rachel he knew, without a doubt, that he would do absolutely anything necessary to protect them, to keep them safe, to save them from any pain. He couldn't even imagine doing something that he knew would harm them.

Then again, maybe it was best that he couldn't imagine that. The last thing he wanted was to think like Derek Fossen.

Ella finished her bottle, and Mark raised her to his shoulder as he began to lightly rub her back. "Sweetheart, I'd love to promise you that I'll be the perfect father, but I don't want to make you a promise that I don't know if I can keep. Chances are I'm going to make a few mistakes along the way. Just ask your big sister, Rachel. But what I can promise you is that I will always love you and I will never do anything to hurt you. You are one of the three most important people in my life, and I never want you to forget that."

Continuing to rub Ella's back, he lightly kissed the side of her head, then sighed softly. He rested his head against the back of the sofa as he closed his eyes. It had been over four months since the tumor was removed, and by all accounts he was making a truly remarkable recovery. For the first time in a very long while, he felt as if his life was complete. He was married to a woman he loved more than he once thought possible, they had a beautiful baby girl and Rachel was going to be spending a month with them during her summer vacation.

But there were still times when he wondered if the tumor would come back, if he'd lose it all. He wasn't sure if it was the uncertainty or the lack of control, but that thought terrified him. That was what made him treasure every day he spent with the ones he loved, and resolve to make sure they knew just how important they were to him.

He couldn't even be certain he would always be there to protect his little girls, and yet today he met a man who'd actually convinced his son that it was okay to have his arm broken for being bad. After almost twelve years in the ER Mark knew life wasn't always fair, but no matter how he looked at it, this was just wrong. But what probably amazed him the most was that after everything Ben Fossen had been through, it was obvious that he still loved his father.

The love of children was an incredible thing. Mark knew it from the first instant he held Ella in his arms. It was a complete and unconditional love that was given freely, that didn't have to be earned, that continued even though a parent's mistakes. It was something that should be cherished, and never abused.

Gently lifting Ella from his shoulder, Mark smiled as he commented, "I thought you might be getting sleepy now that your tummy's full, but you're my little night owl, aren't you? Let's see if a story or two will help."

He reached for two storybooks that were laying on the coffee table. Reading from the covers of the books, he suggested, "How about we start with Guess How Much I Love You, then move on to The Runaway Bunny?"

Ella gurgled as she snuggled deeper into her blanket.

Chuckling, Mark began to read. He stopped as he finished each page and explained the illustrations to Ella. He knew she probably didn't understand what he was saying, but he also didn't think a chance to get a head start on her education could hurt.

As Mark closed the second book he rhetorically wondered, "Are you planning on falling asleep anytime soon? Because Daddy had a pretty long day, and would like to go to bed himself."

A moment later, Ella began to wail.

"Oh, great," Mark muttered. As he tried to sooth his daughter's cries, he asked, "What's wrong sweetheart?" After checking her over, he noticed her diaper was wet. "Okay, let's go upstairs and get you a new diaper."

After changing the diaper, Mark turned down the lights in the nursery and sat in the white rocking chair near the window. Slowly, he began to rock back and forth as he cradled Ella next to his chest.

He looked down sometime later and was surprised to find Ella sleeping peacefully in his arms. Not wanting to risk waking her if she was not yet sleeping soundly, he just continued to rock her gently. He never got tired of watching her, the complete innocence in her face, the tiny perfection of every feature, the endless possibilities he saw for her future.

Nearly thirty minutes passed before he dared try moving her. Carefully standing up, he crossed the room and placed Ella in her crib. He waited, expecting hear her cry; but she remained silent, only moving slightly to tuck her hand under the blanket. Smiling, Mark quietly eased out of the nursery and walked down the hall.

Entering their bedroom, he found Elizabeth still asleep. She was resting on her left side, her left hand tucked under the pillow, her right arm draped across her waist. He changed clothes, then eased into bed next to her, covering her right arm with his and gently pulling her back towards his chest.

Elizabeth awoke a few moments later and mumbled, "Mmm, Mark, what time is it?"

"Shhh, go back to sleep," Mark whispered.

"What time is it?" she repeated.

He looked over his shoulder and checked the clock on the bedside table. "Almost eleven."

Becoming fully alert, she sat up in bed. "Eleven?! Ella needed to be fed three hours ago! I can't believe I didn't even hear her cry."

"That's because she didn't cry," Mark pointed out with a smile.

"She didn't cry? Is she all right?" she questioned, a touch of panic finding its way into her voice.

"She's fine," Mark assured her. "She was awake when I got home, a little before eight, so we decided to go downstairs and let you catch up on your sleep. I fixed one of the bottles you left in the refrigerator, Ella had dinner, we talked, then read a couple books. She needed a new diaper, so we came back up here and I finally got her to sleep. I just put her in the crib before I came in here."

Smiling as she laid back down facing him, Elizabeth commented, "Sounds like you two had a busy evening."

"It was nice," he agreed softly.

"Thanks for letting me sleep."

"After last night, I figured you deserved it," he laughed. "How was she today?"

"She was still fussy most of the morning, but I finally got her calmed down this afternoon," she explained.

"That's good," he nodded. "When did you get to sleep?"

"Around six. The plan was to sleep for an hour or so, then wake up to feed Ella and be up when you got home." Smiling sheepishly, she admitted, "Didn't quite work out that way, did it?"

Pushing a lock of hair behind her ear, he said, "Don't worry about it."

"Were you able to get any sleep at the hospital?" she questioned in a concerned tone.

With a wary grin, he wondered, "Does a ten minute nap at the desk count?"

Caressing his cheek, she softly inquired, "Rough shift?"

"If you only knew," he laughed ruefully.

"So why don't you tell me?"

"Elizabeth, for what seems like the first time in days, the house is quiet and Ella is asleep. That means we should be, too," he argued.

She hesitated, but then softly suggested, "Or it means we should use this time to talk, to make sure we don't lose 'us' now that we have a daughter."

He sighed. "Elizabeth, you don't have to worry about this. I had a bad day, I just want to go to sleep and forget it happened."

"Mark, the more you tell me I don't need to worry, the more you try to change the subject; the less I believe you," she pointed out seriously. "Now, what happened? And you know me well enough to know that I'm not going to let go of this."

Several long minutes passed in silence before he spoke. "It was this case I had today, a seven year-old who came in with burns on his hands, from trying to put out a fire in a garbage can. While we were waiting for his father to show up, he started complaining about his fingers feeling funny, so I moved a light over his shoulder to take a look. He was pretty agitated from the time he came in, so he was jerking around and hit his head on the light. I went to look at his scalp, to make sure he didn't do any damage, and I found a pretty bad bruise behind his ear."

Elizabeth thought for a moment, then guessed, "Abuse?"

"Yeah," Mark nodded quietly. "When his father got there, Ben was obviously terrified of him. Both of them claimed not to know anything about the bruises or the healed fractures on both wrists. I called in Legaspi for a psych consult, but Ben knew his father was right outside and wouldn't say anything.

"So what happened?" Elizabeth prompted gently.

"I got Adele Newman to put him on an emergency hold, and security took the father away," he explained dejectedly. "I managed to get him admitted to the burn service for the night, but he'll go into foster care tomorrow."

"What are you thinking now?"

He considered this for some time. "Did I do the right thing? Was there more that I could have done?"

"Yes and no, in that order," Elizabeth assured him firmly.

"After they took his father away, I went back in and talked to him again about his injuries. He actually believed he deserved it for being bad. And all he wanted was to go home. In spite of everything his father did, he still loved him."

Elizabeth reached out and gently lifted Mark's chin so that he was looking at her. "I'm sure he does love his father, and he wants to be with him, but it's quite obvious that's not the best situation for him right now. Maybe this will serve as a wake-up call for the father. Maybe he'll realize he needs to get help in order to get his son back. Or maybe he won't, and maybe Ben will be placed with a foster family. But either way, he'll be in a better place than he is right now because he'll be safe. And that's because of you."

"I don't know," Mark sighed. "I just can't help thinking there was more I could have done."

She smiled softly as something he said to her several months earlier came back her. "A very wise man once told me that we're not saints. We just try to get it right as often as we can. You did everything within your power. Now it's up to the father to get his act together and social services to make sure Ben is safe."

With a half laugh, Mark wondered, "Who was stupid enough to say that?"

"That would be you, my dear," Elizabeth laughed.

Chuckling, he replied, "Well, like I told you on our first date, I'm full of crap!"

She watched him for a moment, a small smile on her face. "Feeling better?"

"Yeah, actually I am. Thank you," he said sincerely.

"You're welcome," she whispered. "Now, I think it's time that we use this peace and quiet to get a little sleep ourselves."

"Excellent idea." Kissing her gently, he murmured, "I love you, Elizabeth."

"I love you, too," she replied softly as she rested her head on his shoulder and snuggled closer to him. "'Night."

"Goodnight."

As she drifted back to sleep next to him, he watched her for several moments, struck by the contrast of what he shared with Elizabeth compared to his former marriage to Jennifer. When he was with Jen, he'd come home and never talk about what happened in the ER. Part of it was probably because he didn't want to expose her to the harsh reality he confronted on a daily basis, but the larger part was knowing that she just wasn't interested in hearing about it.

It was so much easier to talk about things at the hospital with Elizabeth. Obviously, it helped that she was also a doctor, she lived the daily reality, just as he did. But he knew it was more than that. It was the way she knew him, and the way she wouldn't let him get away with just saying everything was "fine."

The lack of sleep from the night before and the day's events finally began to catch up with Mark as exhaustion took over. Drawing his wife a bit closer, he closed his eyes and sighed contentedly.

I'd love to know what you think. Please seed all comments and feedback to: SixteenOzs02@yahoo.com LLP

May 15, 2001

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