This is not an official script. I am working my hardest to finish
it as soon as I can. I'll try my best to be accurate. This is probably the only Scary
Movie script on the internet right now.  There is more than one page!

Dimension Films Logo  (You can hear crickets chirping in the background)

View of a large house with big windows, and a large yard. A swing hangs from a tree in the yard.

Int. Drew Becker's House
Drew Becker walks into the kitchen as the phone rings.

Drew: Hello?
Voice: Care to have a little fun?
Drew: Who is this?
Voice: You tell me your name I'll tell you mine.
Drew: I don't think so.

Drew walks around the counter and picks up a glass. She then starts walking toward the stove.
At the stove, she opens a popcorn (like in Scream) and starts shaking it.  You can hear a fart.

Voice: What's that noise?
Drew: Oops...Sorry, I farted. I didn't think anyone would hear me.
Voice: What are you doing?
Drew: Making popcorn. I'm getting ready to watch a movie.
Voice: What's your favorite scary movie?
Drew: Kazzaam, you know, the one with Shaquille Oneal.
Voice: That's not a scary movie.
Drew: It is if you see the way Shaq acts (like an actor).

(During this part Drew talks about how she fucked someone the killer mentions, but I
 don't remember it!!)

Drew walks to her TV and begins to open a tape.

Voice: You never told me your name
Drew: Why do you wanna know my name?
Voice: I wanna know who I'm looking at.
Drew: What?
Voice: I wanna know who I'm talking to.
Drew: That's not what you said.
Killer: Really, I wanna know who I'm looking at.

View of killer looking at a porno mag. (Supposedly with Carmen Electra/"Drew" in it)

Killer: Ooo yeah.

View of Drew.

Killer: Do you have a boyfriend?
Drew: Yeah, why?
Killer: He dresses up like a woman.
Drew: How did you know?
Killer: Turn on the patio lights.

Drew turns on the lights and a guy dressed like The Artist formerly known as Prince is shown.

Drew: Noooo!!!

She turns the lights back off.

Drew: What do you want?
Killer: To see what your insides look like.
Drew: Then turn to page 52.

View of the killer.

Killer: Not bad.

Drew hangs up the phone and walks around looking for the killer.
View of the kitchen.
The popcorn is about 200 times bigger than it's supposed to be and
looks like it's about to explode!
Back to Drew.
She grabs a baseball bat when she hears the doorbell ring.

Drew: Who's there?!

She slowly unlocks the door and opens it.

Kids: Trick or treat.

Before the kids finish, Drew starts slamming them with the baseball bat several times
and then realizes that she's not hitting the killer.

Kids: Owww...I can't feel my legs.

Drew drops the bat and turns to find a table with several items lined up on it.
There is a banana, a knife, (and a brush?), and something else.
She picks up the banana and runs into the room with the TV.
She walks slowly, looking around, and then sees the killer.

View of killer in the middle of the same room that Drew is in, holding a knife an wiggling it in the air.
She opens the door, steps outside, and hides behind a window covered with curtains.
She turns around, and the killer quickly opens the curtain.
Drew screams.
The killer breaks through the glass.
Drew starts running off until she reaches two signs pointing in opposite directions.
One sign says "Safety" and the other, "Death." She runs the way the death sign is pointing.
She runs behind a tree in her yard.
The killer jumps out behind Drew and Drew runs across the yard.
The killer catches up to her and rips off her clothes.
She is wearing nothing but her underwear (and bra).
As she's running, the sprinklers turn on.
Drew is running through the sprinklers acting sexy.

The killer jumps out behind Drew and Drew screams.
The killer stabs her in the chest, and when he pulls out the knife,
there is a breast enhancing implant stuck on the knife.
Drew is still alive, even though one of her breasts are torn apart.

View of car coming down the road toward the house.

Int. Car

Drew's mom has her head in her dad's crotch area and her Dad has his eyes closed.

View of Drew running.
She runs right in front of her parent's car.

Drew: Daddy, NOOO!!!

The car hits her and Drew is seen flying up in the air and doing flips.

Int. Car

Dad: What was that?

The mom looks up and then...
They get back to business.

View of Drew on the road.

The killer walks up to Drew and raises his knife...

Title Card for "Scary Movie" appears.

View of Cindy Campbell's face, as she is typing on the computer (Like in Scream).

She hears a noise at the window.
She walks toward the window and looks outside.
Her boyfriend Bobby pops up and she screams.

Cindy: What are you doing here?

There is knocking on the door.

Mr. Campbell: Cindy.
Cindy: Go!

Bobby hides.
Mr. Campbell opens the door, but the closet door blocks it.
He sticks his head through the door opening.

Cindy: What?
Mr. Campbell: My head's stuck, help!

Cindy pushes her dad's head out of the door opening.

Mr. Campbell: I thought I heard screaming.
Cindy: No one's here.
Mr. Campbell: OK, by the way. Tomorrow I want you to check the coffee pot. Remember
                                                 not to use baking powder, but baking soda or else you'll get a big reaction.
                                                 And remember, if the police ever happen to drop by, tell them that we don't
                                                 keep illegal drugs in our home, okay?
Cindy: OK

Mr. Campbell leaves.
Cindy turns around.
A monkey stuffed animal pops up behind the bed.

Bobby: Close call.
Cindy: What are you doing here?
Bobby: It occured to me that I've never snuck through you bedroom window before.
Cindy: Well, now it's out of your system.
Bobby: I was at home and the excorcist was on.  It got me thinking of you.
Cindy: Look, I know I threw up green slime and masturbated with a crucifix, but that was
           at my first cake party.
Bobby:  No, it was edited for television.  Like me and you.
Cindy: So you thought you would come through my window and we'd have a little ??????
Bobby: I thought we could do a little on top of clothes stuff.
Cindy: Okay, just remember...
Bobby:  I wouldn't dream of breaking your underwear rule.

They lay down on the bed with Bobby laying on top of Cindy.
While they are doing this, a man appears at the window.
It is Dawson from Dawson's Creek.
Cindy and Bobby look up at him.

Dawson: Sorry, wrong set.

They get back to what they were doing.
Bobby slowly moves his hand up Cindy's leg.
You can hear a buzzing noise.

Bobby: Owww!

He lifts up Cindy's gown and she is wearing what appears to be "Electric Fence Underwear."

Cindy: Don't forget my rule!
Bobby: Right.

Bobby walks to the window and Cindy follows.

Bobby: About the sex stuff.  I'm not trying to rush you or anything.
Cindy: Would you settle for a PG-13 relationship?

Cindy pulls down her nightgown and a hairy chest is shown.


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