FORUM POST at APATT's SMZone
Dated 10-05-98
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Ok, this has gone far enough and I have had it.

First of all, I have investigated Jack O'Lantern as I have promised Mara and 
it turns out that the first Jack and the succeeding Jacks weren't the same 
person.  There is no need for other explanations, except that if you are all 
perceptive enough you will all notice that the first Jack is clearly an idiot 
who doesn't know how to control his mouth while the succeeding Jacks made a 
lot of valid points.  The IPs, which I'd rather keep to myself and apatt, are 
not identical and couldn't be farther from each other.  I think it was the 
second Jack who had a Japanese IP.

Second of all, I would like to announce the official death of Sky Senshi @ 
the Racetrack.  A lot of you might ask why and I know that this answer will 
anger a lot of you, too.  But I am at the point beyond caring and since the 
Racetrack is going to be "killed off" anyway, I'd rather not be a hypocrite.

The second Jack's remarks have pushed me to the brink of my conscience, which 
some of you may not have since all some of you care about is trying to be 
right when your reasoning is already beyond laughable, especially that 
of NeoQueen's as she obviously couldn't answer my baby sister's remarks 
"properly" (meaning all her answers are either evasive of Jov's main points 
or some are too much self-humiliating).  Any objective and mature onlooker 
would see that my sister outsmarts you everytime you make a ridiculous 
comeback (which, of course, misses all of my sister's main points).  Oh, she 
says she's not humiliated.  I wouldn't be more surprised 'cause only someone 
who has stunted maturity would never feel remorse for her own misconduct.  
What I see in you is someone who is desperate to outsmart my sister she 
doesn't realize she's fumbling and stumbling so badly.

What I am referring to, forgive me but I don't care anymore if you all hate 
me, is this: A lot of you are blind followers, not all, but a lot.  Yes, 
blind followers.  I'm not referring to Mara's supporters or the Kraiders' 
supporters or Someone-Famous else's supporters but some of you take your 
obsession and support beyond reason.  Obviously there is a double standard 
existing and I believe that Yohko may be right about this double standard.  
Why?  You couldn't forgive Ian for all his kiss-assing activities but if we, 
yes I am guilty too, if we commit something similar to what Ian did and 
someone pointed out our egoistic activities we all flame that someone to the 
ends of the earth.  We flame to our hearts contents even when our 
"justifications" for our actions don't make sense anymore.  We couldn't admit 
to ourselves that we made a mistake.  We set a different standard for Ian and 
we set a different standard for the people we admire.  I have long since 
forgiven Ian and I think I may have been too harsh for him.

Actually, I feel very disappointed, disillusioned, and empty.  The people 
whom I have made my page for (I'm not generalizing all of you--but I 
am included in this scope--just because of a few immature flamers) can't 
think for themselves.  They center their arguments on defending their 
"idols'" actions even when their defenses are not logical anymore.  Can't we 
all just wake up and think for ourselves for once?  Can't we all do something 
for ourselves and see if we really did make a mistake?  God, we may provide 
accurate BSSM information but that doesn't mean we're right about everything 
else outside BSSM!  We have faults, a lot of them, in fact, and our only 
recourse is to admit to ourselves that we are wrong and take all of our 
mistakes as learning experiences.

But I take a major part of the blame.  I guess it's because we, or maybe only 
I, have become so conceited and so full of myself/ourselves that some of our 
supporters have forgotten how it is to be down-to-earth.  We have become 
bloaty-headed and so we also have bloaty-headed supporters.  I guess I have 
to let go of my page to at least think for a long long long time...why did I 
make this page?  Is it worth all this turmoil?  Is it still fun?  Or have I 
become a monster that I could hardly look at myself through a mirror and not 
hate myself for being too full of it?

I am disappointed at myself because I may have contributed to all this mess. 
And I am disappointed at SOME of our supporters because I've just seen what 
I have been denying to myself for such a long time.  That you all would 
probably hate my guts if I weren't Ruk and I said something against Ruk or 
Jov or any of the Kraiders, even if the Kraiders are the ones who stumbled 
this time.

And now for NeoQueen, I know you will react strongly to this because you have 
been especially mentioned, but I only speak the truth.  Now, if you feel like 
cussing at me, go ahead and try, but try not to use those answers you gave my 
sister because, frankly, they all missed my sister's points.  You are no 
better than Tuxedo Sting when it comes to answering point by point.  And if 
you want to curse, go ahead and try, but try to be coherent when you do so.

I have nothing to lose since the Racetrack is going to die anyway, so I have 
no qualms arguing with someone that my sister, and Jov is nearly a decade 
younger than me, has evidently beaten in word games.

Just try, NeoQueen.  Sa sobrang sama ng loob ko hindi ako magdadalawang isip 
na durugin ka.  Have CJ translate that for you.