"Why do you want to forget?
Please try to remember
Wishes of tears that pour on your warm cheeks
Why do you want each other now?
Even when you are shaking
Just want to hold you
Over and over again" ~"Blue Flow" ~Heart of Air


When Seth got home he went straight to the beach house. He found Ryan lying on his bed in his normal tight white shirt and boxers. Sleeping clothes. The boy just lay on his back, hands behind his head, staring at the ceiling so Seth knocked waiting for a nod from him before walking in.

He sat down on the bed tossing his jacket aside and pulling at his tie.

"I walked your date home. I walked her all the way there and she kissed me well only on the cheek but man it's a step up right? Did you know she likes comic books? And sailing did you know she liked sailing and she's gonna go down to Tahiti. My Tahiti. She's gonna sail to Tahiti. Isn't that-" Seth looked down at Ryan. "Ryan man you awake?"

Ryan made a "hmm" sound and Seth sighed lying back his head falling on Ryan's chest. He wanted to fill Ryan in on all he missed, ask him a ton of questions about all the stuff Seth had felt he missed and generally do the talks he had gotten so used to since Ryan got there. Usually he was the one talking the most but Ryan was mostly *there*. Tonight he wasn't even that and Seth understood the need for silence…well actually he didn't but with being a only child so long and not having many friends he didn't want to annoy the only 'anything' he'd ever really had.

He placed his hands on his chest and stared at the ceiling as well. After a while the silence became to much for him and he needed to break the inane inner rambling going on in his head. "So…wanna play a game or somethin? I bet we could make it pretty far in Dynasty. You've gotten a lot better and with the combined efforts of Gan Ning and Zhou Yu we can really kick some can. Or or we can play Gauntlet again...or Not."

Seth sighed. "Do you wanna be alone? I could just...go..." He went to get up but felt Ryan shift and a hand grab his arm. "Or...not. Are you alright?"

Ryan's voice came out deep and a bit horse as if he hadn't used it in years. "Just...tired." Seth nodded biting his bottom lip. "Cool...or not cool. I mean well you know what I mean. So you know what happened with Jimmy and-"

"Not tonight Seth."

"Okay..." he laid back down listening to his and Ryan's breaths and holding his until he matched it with Ryan's semi-perfectly. It seemed Ryan was always breathing to slow though. Shallow as if he didn't want to breath to loud, or like he was listening to something or maybe for something.

Just as he was about to break the silence again he felt a hand on his head fingers running through the strands. He closed his eyes leaning into the touch glad that no one would interrupt the moment. His parents were still gone and they had stopped checking to see if the boys had run off. So he knew even if they did come home they wouldn't check the pool house. It seems his parents gave Ryan more respect and privacy then they did him but he really didn't care that much. Ryan was now family, and also older then him. So he was like an older brother, the one born first. It was only natural they would like him more. Not that that really was the case but even if it was Seth didn't think he'd mind much except for the fact that at the moment he didn't feel very brotherly towards his new brother. It wasn't as if he didn't feel anything towards him its just that the feelings he was feeling weren't very brotherly feelings. Then again he never did feel very brotherly towards Ryan.

Ryan did something to him. Made him feel things Summer had only ever been able to do. And those feelings were magnified with Ryan anyway. Ryan was just...well...Seth wasn't actually sure. He knew he wouldn't ever be able to live without Ryan again but he couldn't place what that meant.

"Come here." came that deep silk voice that sent tingly sensations straight down Seth's body. He moved into the spot next to Ryan laying his head on Ryan's shoulder. The other boy putting his arm around him. He let his arm fall over his new brother's stomach and hoped that he didn't look as gay as he felt. But it was alright to sleep with your brother right...okay that didn't sound very good but still couldn't hurt right?

Ryan was tired and He was tired and his room was just too far to bother trying to walk to. This was alright, it had to be alright, it felt alright.

~~~

Ryan woke to the sun in his eyes. The only draw back of living in the Beach house. He turned trying to escape it, eyes scrunched closed and his arm brushed against something warm. He started bad memories flooding his mind. Opening his eyes he strained against the blinding light to see who it was beside him. Seth, he assured himself breathing a sigh of relief.

The boy was mostly covered by the sheets except for a foot, a hand and his disheveled hair. Ryan smiled reaching out to touch him but stopping himself before he did. He leaned up on an elbow looking down at the dark curls.

Just watching Seth sent warmth throughout his body. A feeling a safety and...love? ...Lust? He wanted Seth, needed him, and that scared him. Ryan wasn't used to needing people, or wanting them there for that matter. It wasn't that he was anti-social, he just didn't care to be around people who didn't care to be around him. His friends back in Chino weren't friends at all. Yea he hung out with them but it was more out of necessity then an actual appeal to be around them.

Seth on the other hand, he always wanted to hang out with. Be around. Seth was a "real" friend. He listened and was always there for Ryan. He even stood up for him. Ryan knew he could trust Seth. Memories of the night before slipped into Ryan's mind and he felt guilty for brushing the boy off. Seth had been excited, happy and because Ryan wasn't he hadn't let Seth do what he had found the boy immensely enjoyed, share.

He wasn't in the mood to trade stories about a day he found too hectic to even think about. He had wanted to forget it all. But now...now it was all he could think about and he hated himself for it. Finally giving into the need building inside him he let a hand lightly rest on Seth's back.

The muscles under his hand shifted and he held his breath afraid of what Seth would say if he woke. But the boy didn't and he allowed himself to pull the covers away from Seth's face to admire it. Seth's mouth was parted, tongue partially visible, his beautiful brown eyes hidden, dark curls contrasting against the white pillow. Ryan's hand ran through the soft locks automatically. He loved the feel of them, loved the way it made Seth's head arch forward, loved the way it made him feel.

Ryan was confused. He couldn't place what he felt towards Seth. He knew he liked Marissa. She was funny, and confident and beautiful. But then so was Seth well maybe not so confident but all the same. It was as if Seth and Marissa were cut from similar molds but thrown into two different worlds. And that was what finished off the process. What made Seth so shy and made Marissa so outgoing. What made them opposite equals.

What was he thinking?! Seth was a guy! Besides that, he was now a brother, family. And if Ryan knew anything it was you didn't mess with Family. Especially if you weren't quite so official in one and didn't want to get thrown out on your ass.

Seth snuggled closer to Ryan and his body tensed. This wasn't helping his thinking, if anything it was making it harder to think. Harder too pull away...making other things harder. 'Whoa!' Ryan got up quickly breathing heavy and walking towards the pool. He needed to calm down, needed to relax, breath, think straight.

He walked out of the Beach House sitting at the edge of the pool and letting his feet wade in the water. He looked out at the sky, eyes burning in the sun, clearing his mind. Living with the Cohens was gonna prove more difficult then he thought.

~~~

Seth yawned, stretching. When he opened his eyes it was a bit of a shock to him that he wasn't met by the normal lavender walls of his bedroom. Instead he was met by the sun and the glass that was the beach house. He snuggled back into the comfort of the covers trying to un-sleepify his mind. He remembered the party, Ryan, dancing, a fight, Ryan, leaving the party, Anna, walking Anna home, his home, Ryan, tired, room too far...right he had slept in Ryan's room.

He sat up rubbing at his eyes. But if this was Ryan's room, where was Ryan? Squinting he threw off the covers, sliding off the bed. He vaguely took in the fact that he had slept in his tux but was really still too tired to care. Shuffling out of the beach house he noticed Ryan sitting with his feet in the pool. He wondered when the other boy had gotten up.

"Hey Ryan." he said sleepily, slumping down next to him.

"Hey." The boy replied looking out ahead.

Seth slid closer leaning his head against Ryan's shoulder. "When'd you wake up?"

"While ago."

Seth yawned again. "Could've woken me."

"Didn't want to bother you."

Seth nodded drowsily. Ryan looked down at him smiling.

"What?" he asked yawning again.

"Your soaking your pants."

Seth looked down. He had dropped down next to Ryan and automatically put his feet in the water as well. Stupid thing to do. He shook his head lifting off of the other boy. "I'm so brilliant. First I sleep with my tux on, and now I soak it. Mom's gonna kill me. Think I could get upstairs without her catching me?"

"Worth a try."

"Let's see if I can work the stealth this early in the morning. Or is it afternoon? How long have we been out?"

"Dunno."

Seth stood, water dripping and forming a puddle with each step. He turned back to Ryan with a smile and proceeded into the house. No one in the kitchen...or the living room...no sound coming from the hall. He made a mad dash upstairs leaving water puddles in his wake. Practically sliding into his room he shut the door behind him. Safe. He removed the wet clothes pulling on a shirt and boxers.

Eyes settling on a clock he noticed it was mid-afternoon. Almost slept the day away. He pulled on new socks and traveled down the stairs. 'Great I left evidence' he thought looking down at the water puddles. He avoided all of them the entire way back into the kitchen where he found Ryan cooking. Ryan cooking, now there was something he could get used to. No box breakfast for him today, just pure home cooked artery plugging goodness.

"Smells good."

Ryan nodded. "There's a note there." he said pointing to the counter.

Seth trotted over to it picking it up.

Boys,

Went to another Charity Convention Meeting. Your Dad's at the office. Stay out of trouble. Call us if you need to.

Love, Mom

Seth smiled brightly, turning to Ryan. "Man did you read this?"

Ryan shook his head. Seth sighed, "It was for both of us." he handed it over. "Read it." he said attempting and failing to keep the excitement out of his voice. He watched Ryan's eyes roll over the words then saw the attempt to hide a smile. "See one of the family now."

~~~

Ryan watched as Seth took a seat on the island facing him. He was 'one of the family now' and tried to hide the excitement by turning back to the stove. He was relieved that the note was something good, normal. When he had first seen it he had been too scared to even approach it. Of course it wasn't some quickly scribbled note on a napkin, it was actually a nice note written on elegant off-white stationery, still though he had feared what the words might have held. But Kirsten had actually accepted him and that took a great weight off his shoulders.

He was now just one of the boys. One of the many of Newport society, living in a big house with a Mom and a Dad, A dream come true. What he had always wanted but never got. Up until Sandy took him in he was sure good things would never happen for him. That his life would be forever filled with resentments and false hopes. But he was wrong and it was one of the greatest feelings in the world.

"So what do you wanna do today? You know two brothers alone in the house, no parental guidance…Big empty house like this."

Ryan shrugged. He was happy to just be here. Happy to just be around Seth. He didn't care what they did.

"What about a party?"

"I don't think that’s such a good idea."

"Why not? We'll invite all of Newport's best and brightest."

"Which would be?" Ryan asked placing some bacon on a plate.

"Um…" Seth began to swing his legs like a child. "Guess just us."

"We're the best and brightest?" He cracked some eggs into a pan.

Seth smiled brightly. "Yep. You’re the best and I'm the brightest."

Ryan snorted. "Guess I could live with that. Want toast?"

Seth nodded.

"Put some in then."

The boy hopped off the island and inserted four pieces of bread into the toaster. While his back was to Ryan he asked, "You had a brother back home right?-Never mind you don't have to answer that. Sorry I asked I was just wondering you know…well never mind."

"Nah its okay. Yea I had a brother back home, Trey. He's older then me." And he couldn't understand why he was telling Seth that because he had sworn to himself he would never talk about Home again because he had a new one. A better one.

Seth just nodded, dropping the conversation and Ryan was glad for that. He didn't want to have to repeat the fact that it was Trey who had gotten him into all this mess in the first place. And that now Trey was doing time for it. "Wanna go for a swim after breakfast, or rather lunch? Or play a game? Watch a movie? I'm sure they have something good on and if not we have a pretty good selection."

"Whatever man. Doesn't bother me." He put the food on the plates as Seth pulled some juice out of the fridge. They sat down on the floor in front of the television.

When they were done the boys decided to play video games. After about two hours of fighting each other and the various computer characters they sprawled out on the floor.

"Wanna watch a movie?"

Ryan shook his head. "Nah." He liked movies but he just wasn't in the mood. A movie would just remind him of something he doesn't want to remember and ruin the so far perfect day.

"Another game?"

"You think after all those times I beat you you'd want to stop."

"Hey it was only twice…okay maybe more than twice but I will get my revenge. You wait and see."

Ryan laughed. Seth was adorable when he tried to play at being bad. And did he just think of Seth and Adorable in the same sentence? What was going on with him lately. 'Marissa' he chanted in his head trying to block out any other, possibly inappropriate, Seth thoughts. But thinking about her just made his mood fall and he began to feel like he had the night before. Depressed and Lonely.

"Ryan you listening?"

"Huh, sorry, what?"

Seth rolled his eyes. "Never mind. It's nothing."

"No what?" Ryan asked interested to know and guilty that he hadn't been paying attention.

"Really it's nothing. Forget it."

~~~

Seth was relieved that Ryan hadn't heard what he had said and yet he was kind of annoyed that Ryan hadn't been listening. "What are you thinking about? Or is it more of a who? Marissa? Not that you have to tell me. I'm just wondering you know because well with every thing that happened yesterday and if you want to go see her I'm sure she's home. Next door's not very far. You can just go-"

Ryan's hand was over Seth's mouth constricting its babbling movement. He shook his head. "I don't want to see her. I'd rather just hang here with you."

Seth smiled underneath the hand and Ryan removed it smiling as well. Seth couldn't believe it, Ryan was actually passing up Marissa time. Not that he ever really got Marissa time which was all the better to Seth because he would be lying if he said he didn't mind them being together. And what exactly did that feeling mean? Was he actually jealous? Jealous of Marissa the beautiful, outgoing, talented, lots going for her, girl next door? Seth mentally snorted Of course not. Why would he be?

"So…what to do? Movie? Oh wait I asked that already. Swimming?"

Ryan shook his head.

"Channel surfing?"

Ryan shrugged. "Why not."

Seth grabbed the remote turning the television back from video. "Lets see what we got here." He started flipping the channels lazily. Ryan reached a hand towards Seth. The boy automatically shifted over towards him. The hand found his hair and if Seth was a cat he would so be purring right now. He loved it when Ryan did this. It always made him relaxed.

He continued to flip through the channels finding nothing either of them would want to watch.

"We could go online and buy some tickets for a movie or something. Maybe an IMAX?"

"Rain check" Ryan replied lazily his fingers rubbing at Seth's scalp.

Seth's eyes closed and he arched his head up for more attention. He never understood why Ryan could make him feel this way. He felt as though his entire body was boiling up and he couldn't understand why Ryan couldn't feel it. His temperature had to be rising.

He leaned into the other boy his finger's movement on the remote stalled. The surfing took an abrupt end on a cartoon.

"This is the last time I'm going to tell you guys, you'll be late for school if you don't-wait was that the tardy bell?"

"You'll just have to write me a note. I refuse to go to class with wet hair."

"You could dry it on the go, Ray give her a hand."

Seth's eyes opened. "X-men."

Ryan laughed and Seth could feel the vibrations flow through Ryan into him. He held his breath for a moment watching the show. Ryan knew his weaknesses and one of them happened to be his cartoons. Seth didn't care though because he knew it was an alright to be himself around Ryan. He was still trying to find one of Ryan's weaknesses though. Ryan never seemed to open up totally. There were times when Seth thought he had, but the moment passed just as quickly as it came.

But Seth quickly dropped all thoughts because X-men was on and Ryan was doing that wonderful massage thing with his hand on Seth's head and it all felt too good, too perfect, to ruin by thinking.

~~~

Ryan thought it was cute, Seth's childish obsessions, his certain refusal to grow up. It was easier to be around someone like Seth. Someone who didn't care if you did something goofy or made a mistake once in a while. It was good to not have to be afraid of having fun and acting your age, or younger in Seth's case.

He moved his fingers through the dark curls and felt Seth's head push into his hand. He loved how responsive Seth was. How free the boy was with affection. He wasn't used to attention and now that Seth gave it to him he was addicted. He couldn't get enough of being near the boy…and maybe that was a bad thing but Ryan couldn't find the will to care.

Ryan's hand slipped down onto Seth's neck, the dull thrum of the boy's heartbeat meeting his own through his fingertips. Some one who cared, someone to live for.

When the credits began to roll Ryan removed his hand from its massaging point on Seth's shoulder, moving away from the brunette. Wouldn't do to be all over him if someone walked in the house. Wouldn't want anyone to assume things. He liked it here and wanted to stay.

"I want brownies." Seth said sitting up. "Hot Gooey Fudgey Chocolatety Goodness." He smiled turning to Ryan.

The blonde smiled back. Brownies…he hadn't had them in so long. His mother used to make them with him and he could remember how he and his brother would lick the bowl and spoon afterwards. Brownies sounded good and all of a sudden he wanted to be back Home sitting on the counter listening to Trey bickering about the boys in school, kicking his small feet while his mother stirred the dark mixture and his father read the sports news in his favorite chair in the living room.

He found it weird how such a seemingly great memory popped into his head. It couldn't have been real…something had to have been wrong. But no he couldn't seem to remember anything. Funny how your mind decides to leave things out.

"Sounds good." Ryan admitted standing and stretching. "Got a mix?"

"I think we do. I mean we should. If not we can always go get some."

Ryan nodded walking to the kitchen. He could hear Seth shut off the television and follow suit.

Seth walked to one of the cabinets throwing it open. "Hmmm should be in here…I think…Ah here it is." He held it out triumphantly.

"What's it need?" Ryan walked over to him.

"Eggs, oil, water. That’s it."

"Okay." Ryan looked at the box taking out the oil and specified amount of eggs while Seth got out some measuring cups.

Everything dropped in, ingredients mixed, pan out, batter poured, oven on, brownies cooking and all that was left was the bowl and spoon.

Seth grabbed the wooden spoon and preceded to lick off the batter. Ryan took out a metal spoon and dug into the bowl scrapping at the sides, eyes on the boy across from him. Seth was taking much to much time on the poor spoon making sure everything was delicately lapped at with a knowing tongue. Ryan tried to look away from him but couldn't manage as the brunette fit the large spoon into his mouth and began to suck on it.

Seth moaned and Ryan felt his pants tighten. "I love brownie mix." he said looking at the Blond. "I don't even get why people even bother baking the brownies. The batter's the best part."

Ryan cleared his throat before managing a "yea" as Seth dug the spoon into the bowl scraping the sides and starting the procedure all over again. "Mom used to make brownie mix all the time when I was a kid and then we'd share the bowl and I would always wonder why anyone would want to bake them. Then they would come out of the oven all hot and gooey and tasting like the batter and I would remember." Seth laughed and Ryan noticed some chocolate on the boys lips.

"Got some chocolate on your lips." He looked away as Seth's tongue darted out, wanting nothing more then to be licking it off the boy himself.

Seth tossed the spoon in the sink spotless and sat on the island pulling the bowl into his lap. He swiped a finger around the edge, the sweet mix coating it and then stuck it in his mouth sucking it clean like he had the spoon. Ryan bit on the metal spoon in his own mouth to keep himself from doing any thing stupid.

It was just Seth. His now Brother of a sort, his recent best friend. Someone he wouldn't want to lose, something he didn't want to jeopardize. But oh did Seth have to continue doing that?



Onward to Parts 7-12