---->--@
Few little songs I think fit the story really well ~
'She's In Love', by Mark Wills - Been officially dubbed 'Dariens Song'
for this volume....Definitely a must listen to. It's perfect.
'Can't Fight This Feeling', by Foreigner(?) - Oooh, this is a good one for
the story! ^_^ One of my fav songs too....
'Promise Of You', by Edwin McCain - Another awesome song by EM.
He's a great artist, I totally recommend his stuff.
slr_europa@yahoo.com
http://www.geocities.com/slr_europa
AIM :: SeeShelliRun
****************************************
Love Through Time ~ A Serena and Darien Saga
Volume Two, Chapter Seven
By Sailor Europa
"God, could this night get any worse?" I muttered into the cool
night air as I walked home alone. As if the past few days weren't already a
blur of confusion, I had to have this kind of an epiphany. Not only did it
add to my already mounting stress, but made my anticipation of ending
things with Suzanne heighten even more so. "Why in God's name is this
happening to me?" I groaned loudly, asking the navy sky in puzzlement.
As it offered me no answers, I growled and kicked angrily at the stones
beneath my feet. My lips pursed in one long line, I barely noticed the
lights still ablaze inside my windows. Mildly curious about the reason, if
only because I wasn't quite in my right mind, I entered cautiously,
exhaling loudly as I spied a nervous Luc sitting alone in the parlor.
Gritting my teeth, I tried to brush past him quickly, him being the absolute
last person I wished to see right then. But he hopped up as soon as I came
in, and intercepted me before I could get to my room.
"Yes?" I asked tersely, hoping he would notice my uppity tone. He
didn't.
"Darien, I know we don't know each other very well just yet, but I
must ask a favor of you..." His annoying French lilt violated my senses
and I fought back a vile sneer.
"And that would be....?" I trailed off, hoping he would get the hint.
He cleared his throat, my mood finally getting to him.
"I would like you to hold this until the wedding." He pulled a black
velvet box out of his coat pocket, and gently pulled it open, revealing a
glittering gold band, solid and pure, with no tarnishes or alterations.
Exactly like the woman who would soon be wearing it.
I gulped slowly, the consequence of the past few days coming back
to me like a ton of rocks. I gazed at the blinding glare off the band,
dwelling insanely on the deep meaning of the simple ring. His ring, Luc's,
the one he bought for Serene....._My_ Serene....Binding them together
forever and ever....
"Sure...." I choked out. I could barely make out a bright grin as he
handed the small box over to me. I continued to gaze at the ring,
spellbound by it's beauty, amazed at where it would be after a few more
weeks, perched on the slender hand of his blushing bride....
Luc trotted happily upstairs to his room as I swallowed hard,
closing my eyes mercifully, cutting off the link to this ring that was held
delicately in my hand. I snapped the case shut without opening my eyes as
I heard a door slam shut on the upper floor of my home. My eyes flew
open and I glanced around the room, angry tears beginning to form,
pooling over my vision. I rubbed at them absently as my face glared, my
tone going bitter and sour at the trinket now sitting in my moist palm. I
pictured those beautiful blue eyes glazing over as he slipped the gold ring
onto her finger.
Sneering in distaste and utter contempt I impulsively pulled back
and threw the velvet box violently into the opposite wall. It echoed
throughout my mind as the wall shook under the force of my pitch and I
watched with mild satisfaction as it clattered mutely to carpeted floor. I
could feel my expression freeze on my face as I stared at the now
minuscule speck it made on my floor. The tears threatened me again and I
felt my resolve give and I finally fell into the plush chair behind me.
I tore my eyes from the bewitching black box and closed my eyes
once more, the events of the night flooding my memory. I wrung my
hands over my face, whipping at the tears as I did so, pulling them farther
down my already red face. I leaned forwards in the chair, placing my head
face down in my palms, wanting nothing more than to just rip my head off
and prevent me from rethinking these things.
My brow creased inwards as my blood shot eyes now stared at the
wall a few hundred feet in front of me. I scowled hard as I glared angrily
ahead of me, not exactly sure where the night would be going after that
moment. I sighed dejectedly as my mind began to settle, and I closed my
eyes exhausted. I rubbed the orbs tightly in my hands, and gritted my
teeth. I shook my head as I thought of the sleeping male upstairs, and only
groaned in misery, knowing that tonight was not a night I would be graced
with such a pleasantry. There was no way I could even think of napping
right now, my mind whirling a hundred miles a minute. I could only see
Serene, the old Serene, the new one.....The one with her face smashed up
against another man.....I groaned at the last thought, shaking my head
violently. I opened my eyes suddenly, the first sight my eyes were lain
upon being the blasted ring box. I scowled, suddenly wanting to spit in
that direction. I pulled my body up hastily off the chair and sauntered my
way over to where the little box lay, almost daring it to be what it was. I
lazily bent down and picked it up, examining it from all angles. I opened
the lid and stared down at the metal in pure disdain.
It wasn't worthy of her. Nothing he could ever give her would be.
He didn't deserve to be the one to slip this on her slender finger. He'd
known her not even two years and was already given the honor and
pleasure of spending his life next to her. He would wake up next to her,
kiss her good bye every morning and walk back into her home when he
returned. Then at night, when the lights were out, he'd be the one who
would lay down next her, caress her just before......
I once again growled angrily at the tiny little insignificant band
that was in my palm and threw it loudly at the opposing wall, a loud crack
echoing as it whizzed right past the chair I had just been in. I paced
anxiously then, muttering random obscenities into the air, my hands
racking my hair absently. I could feel my madness build up and I looked
longingly out the window into the dark, early morning of London. Biting
my lip excitedly I took a quick look around the empty room, only to
reaffirm my loneliness and within seconds, I was out the door.
*****
The cold, crisp air of the morning caught my face by surprise, and
I felt my cheeks redden in retaliation. I tried to focus on the dimly lit
streets that were now laid out in front of me, only wanting to block the
harsh realities that had just surfaced from my mind. It was hard when
everything around reminded me of her. When I would chase her down the
desolate streets as a child, only to catch her and tug playfully on her hair.
The lamp posts that we would race to the top of, shimmying quickly up
the slick railings, squealing at each other. The store where she was forced
to buy her first church dress, and I watched giddily from the window as
she scowled at the frocks that were placed in front of her. The streets
ended and I came upon the clearing that led to the forest and eventually
the lake that sat beside the grand ballroom, only to find the most painful
memories forced upon my unforgiving heart.
It was only then that I thought back to that last night, the sky
painted navy and white, the moon glowing brightly in the raven sky. I
watched as the large body of water came into view and my pace slowed to
a crawl. I could barely make out the now darkened home that stood
solemnly on the opposite side of me. Visions of a happier time danced
around my consciousness. The giddy feeling of my first party with
Suzanne, only making my stomach turn painfully now at the bitter
thought. The scared rabbit look on Serene's face as she wandered
aimlessly throughout the floor, finally stumbling on the two of us. I
moaned miserably as I pictured her crestfallen face once more in my mind,
and I could only wish I knew then what I knew now.
I ambled unknowingly towards the waters edge, my eyes never
leaving the towering building up ahead of me. I paused momentarily as I
gazed over the reflective surface, my brain conjuring up thoughts of our
fight just a week before the party at that very spot. The way she ran away,
her shoulders tensing at my voice calling after her, perplexed. I sighed in
agony, my minds eye just watching in horror and pain once again as the
scene was replayed in my memory. Something that had been plaguing my
thoughts more often lately and I could only feel that this wasn't the end.
I made my way aimlessly around the edge, a few feet from the
crest of the water and I felt my forehead crease in wonderment as I found
myself just in front of the building, looming far above my head. I gasped
inwardly as my eyes traced the drawn in road that led carriages up the
front walk, and the steep hill that passed the Willow trees, leading straight
down to the lake once more. I stared completely amazed at the entrance at
the side of the building, the scene before me changing slightly as I
watched the lights flicker briefly and my memory once again played itself
over into that last night, when everything in my life had gone awry.
I was barely aware that I had closed my eyes and was reliving each
horrific moment all over again, the images portrayed with painful
accuracy, every tiny detail complete. Serene bolting from the dance floor
quickly, and my passing over Suzanne totally as I followed my grief
stricken friend from the double doors and eventually down the large hill
until I finally slowed a few feet from her solemn figure, touched my
moonlight, and kissed by heaven. Where she confessed her feelings to a
seemingly unknowing sky, her voice hardly audible to even me and I once
more felt my chest constrict my breathing and everything knocked from
my mind and soul right then. All the changes and fights and
misunderstandings making sense to me in that solitary moment, before
they were once again sucked into oblivion.
And I almost went ballistic. I don't even remember uttering a
single sound, but before I had chance to react, or even think about the
situation, she had flown around, her face red and fallen with humiliation.
Just as she turned to run I pounced, grabbing her wrists and biting out
through clenched, confused teeth the only thing that my mind could think
of. 'We are friends'. God if I only knew how everything would change,
how she would react, how _I_ would react! I would take back those words
in a heart beat, hold her to me and tell her that she would always be the
one to understand me. That I would never let anyone know me as well as
she did. I would never let her leave. Never give her up, not for anything. I
wouldn't give her the chance to love anyone else. I wouldn't give anyone
else the chance to love her.....Experience the things I was meant to
experience.
I stared out over the lake as I let my mind wander around freely
just then, playing out the way the scene would have gone if I had been in
my right mind. Telling her the way I felt now, instead of the naive
emotions I thought I was feeling then. Pull her close to me and feel her
steady heart beat next to my own, breathing steadily as she clutched me
tightly. I would confess all my feelings and make her mine right then. I
wouldn't do the immature things now as I did then.
But my mind snapped to the present, like waking up from a
beautiful dream to find out you were actually living in hell. I watched in
pain as the lake grew musty and realized that I was crying. I gave a long,
hard laugh at my pitiful figure, realizing that I was indeed living in hell. I
whipped the tears away fiercely as the bitter smile fell from my tight face.
Two weeks was all I had. Two weeks before she left for Paris. For Luc
and a new life, one that didn't include me. Two weeks before life as I
knew it, ended......
*****
I'm not sure how many hours I stayed in that exact spot, but I can
only remember seeing the bright reflection of the sun gleaming on the
surface of the lake, and decided that it must have been past five in the
morning. I was reluctant to leave the spot I had been sitting in for the
previous hours, even though it only seemed to harbor more pain in my
mind, but it felt comfortable and much preferred to the alternative of going
back to the house and of course, Luc. I scowled at just the thought of him
and groaned in agony as I rung my hands over my face at even the idea.
Taking a deep, preparatory breath before pulling my thoroughly
exhausted body from the cool grass that lay beneath me, I heaved a
dejected sigh and dusted myself off. I gave one last hesitant glance at my
surroundings and headed back home.
*****
"What the....?" I muttered to myself as I blinked a few times, just
after walking a few steps through the door in my entryway. I cast a few
perplexed gazes around the room as I inhaled deeply, the warm, inviting
scent of sausage and biscuits wafting through my senses. I grinned fully,
wondering if Luc was a chef, only to wipe the smile off my face at the
idea of one more merit to add to his already glowing resume. I stretched a
little as I walked tentatively through the room, straining my ears to hear
any kind of sound coming from the direction but not catching such a thing.
Fed up and annoyed, I pushed roughly on the doors, prepared to greet
Frenchy head on.
"Well look who it is!" Serene's voice caught me off guard and I
immediately let my jaw hang open. I gave a confused stare and she
giggled slightly at the sight. "Weren't expecting to see me, I guess?" I
chuckled a little myself as my composure resurfaced and I made my way
slowly towards her. She had turned back to the stove, her attention
temporarily diverted and I watched in awe as she masterfully maneuvered
her way through the task, whipping her hands absently on her apron every
so often. It was hard not to smile as she went off into her own little world,
practically unaware of my presence in the room as she began chopping
potatoes and dumping them into another pot, her tongue ever so slightly
emerging from her mouth in concentration.
God she was mesmerizing. She looked so adorable as she made her
way through each step, oblivious to me and my unabashed staring. It was
so hard to rip my eyes from her, but as she heaved a huge sigh and took a
step back from the stove to take a good look at her handy work I realized
my actions and swallowed nervously, my white buttoned collar all of a
sudden seeming all too hot for the occasion. I cleared my throat as I wrung
my collar and inhaled quickly. She then turned her frayed head towards
me and smiled brightly, only making the rooms temperature sky rocket for
me.
"And good morning to you....." She chirped and I laughed, despite
my disposition at her figure. Completely a mess, her hair was worn and
disheveled, falling from either side of her head. And her face, although
fairly clean for the most part, a huge section of her right cheek was
covered in flour, completely unknown to her. She raised a suspicious
eyebrow as I continued to chuckle. "What?" I pointed to her face as I
spotted a towel lying next to her.
"Looks like some of that flour got away from you...." I said,
shaking my head. She smiled slightly as her faced reddened and she
fingered her cheek and giggled softly. I dipped the towel in a bowl of
water she had been using and made my way in front of her. I paused a few
inches from her and took her chin gently in my hands and dusted the mess
from her now flushing face. She looked down embarrassed, as I tried to
keep my mind at the matter at hand, hard as it was. I tried to keep my
thoughts from drifting to the delicious blush that crept onto her cheeks, or
the small smile that she grinned, even as her gaze was concentrated on the
floor below us. I tried desperately to urge my fingers away from her
delicate face, framed with awry curls, teasing my fingers and delighting
my thoughts....Away from her large eyes, blinking nervously as she stood
perfectly still. Her tiny mouth, as she gingerly licked her dry lips, barely
shuddering at the shallow breathing that erupted from them.....
Her head snapped to the right suddenly, breaking my concentration
and tearing my gaze towards a sputtering pot, spitting contents all over the
counter and surrounding areas angrily. I closed my eyes and she mumbled
annoyed phrases towards the cookware, as I realized my hands were
shaking violently and I bit my lip anxiously as I tried to steady my
shocked nervous system.
"Oh damn...." She growled, pulling a pot off the stove and staring
fiercely at it. She huffed before turning away and sighing as she walked
back to me. I gave her a sympathetic smile. "There goes the gravy...." I
laughed. She granted me smirk out of the corner of her eye, hands on her
hips lightly. She suddenly turned towards me fully and her eyebrows
raised suspiciously as she gave me a look over. "Darien you look awful!
What happened?" I felt my cheeks heat up slightly and I laughed.
"I was out all night...." I muttered sheepishly. She gave me an
incredulous look before continuing. "I took a walk by the lake." I turned
my eyes away so she wouldn't see the pain and fear in my gaze, see all
that I had been feeling. "I needed to think."
"About what Darien? What could keep you up all night?" She
asked quizzically. Her eyes got huge and for a fleeting second I thought
she might have figured it all out. "Is something the matter between you
and Suzanne?" I gave an inward, ironic laugh, before I smiled wryly.
"I'm not even sure there will be a 'me and Suzanne' for much
longer frankly." I muttered, the matter temporarily pushing my
overwhelming new feelings to the side for a second, and keeping Serene
away from the real problems I was suffering from. I grabbed a chair from
the kitchen table and sat down with a flourish.
"Oh Darien, I'm sorry....I had no idea." She said sadly, putting her
arm sympathetically around my shoulders as she took a seat next to me. I
nodded, the simple gesture not going unnoticed by my senses as they tried
to hide the awareness that had arisen in my shoulders during that moment.
I shrugged, partially in effort to gain some feeling back in my arms.
"It's OK....It's been coming for a long time....." I sighed, tipping
my neck downward as I stared numbly at the floor beneath my feet. I
stared absently at for a few minutes before continuing tentatively. "I
just...." I started, my mind searching for the right words. "I guess I'm just
not looking forward to being _alone_ ." I continued my glare, trying to
guess exactly what she would reply to that. I bit my lip anxiously as she
continued her silence, wondering what she thought about it all. Finally, the
stillness got to me, and I pulled my head up, staring her straight in the
eyes, watching a knowing expression cover her face.
It was then that I, or maybe she did too, heard footsteps on the
stairs and I groaned inwardly as I awaited the entrance of the illustrious
fiancee. I looked away, not wanting to catch her lighted expression as the
door finally flew open, his shocked voice catching my ears as he voiced
his surprise of seeing Serene in the kitchen. I heard her giggle and my
blood boiled at the sound, and I practically growled as I finally looked up,
only for my unforgiving eyes to glance upon the gut wrenching scene of a
soft kiss being exchanged by the couple.
My eyes watered unbeknownst to me at that moment, and without
realizing it, I had picked myself up off my chair, and bolted from the
room, my mind seething at the sight I passed on the way. Eyes closed
blissfully, neither figure noticed my retreating form, and for that I was
glad. I wasn't in the mood to be comforted, especially by someone who
had no idea who I was anymore.
I groaned. Hell, even I didn't know who I was anymore. My life
was turned completely around, and the change hadn't even occurred 24
hours ago...Something last night had triggered an emotion that had never
been stirred before, and I was scared to death. All I could think about was
romancing my best friend, and feeling completely empty when I realized
that that was an impossibility. Some stranger had done the work for me,
stealing her heart before I ever even knew that it was meant for me.
Somehow, Serene had known that before me. She had sensed it, felt it,
confessed it into the night air. Why was the secret kept from me? God!
Why was I the one suffering so much?
I trudged up to my room, suddenly needing to clean my haggard
self up. I groaned as I paused, wondering if she would notice my exit and
run after me. Feeling defeated, the air totally let out of me, I gave in a few
moments later and dragged my feet on the floor dejectedly. She'd never
run after me......
*****
Feeling at least physically refreshed, however emotionally unready
I was, I trotted down the stairs about an hour later, as soon as I picked up
the slight sound of a door shut, and I knew either Luc or Serene had left,
and I wouldn't have to face my broken heart again for a few more hours.
As I dressed, I had made a resolution. I couldn't lead Suzanne on
anymore. I simply couldn't. I didn't love her. Hell, I never really did. And
it was time the charade ended. The new weight of my feelings for Serene
was too heavy to carry in itself, but having to feel guilty about lying to
Suzanne was more than I could bear. I didn't think my mind or heart could
take such a beating, although it's been doing a pretty good job lately.
So, careful not to arose suspicion from the other member in the
house, I snuck out around 10, my anticipation wearing down on my mind
like a lead bell. I sighed deeply as I barely noticed the bustling London
street around me, trying only to focus on my task. What was I going to
say? I'm sorry Suzanne, it's just not working out between us....No, that
seemed a little one sided.....Maybe 'I'm not the person I used to be....'?
No, a little insensitive if you ask me.....God what was I going to tell her?
"Maybe I'll just tell her I'm a jackass who just figured out that I'm
deeply, passionately in love with my best friend.....And that I deserve to be
shot." I groaned, putting my face in my hands. I shook my head violently,
my emotions tossing about inside my soul. A large part of me felt guilty
for leading her along for so long, and yet another part of me could only
feel relief, since this would be one less burden to pull me down.
My mind began to whirl in every direction as I found myself
growing fewer and fewer feet from Suzanne's door. My palms got clammy
and I began to panic. I never wanted to have to do this, and I was not only
afraid of how she would react, but how her family would as well. After
only a few visits to her home, I got the distinct impression that her father
was expecting a ring in the future, and to tell the truth, I kind of was
myself. But things changed. A lot.
I whipped my hands along my pants as soon as I arrived at the
front gate and took a deep breath, preparing myself for the possibility of
her mother answering the door. I rapped three times and stepped a few feet
from the entrance, my eyes traveling around nervously. I whistled absently
as I waited for an appearance of someone at the other end of the door. I
could hardly make out a few scattered foot steps on the other side, muffled
by a few voices.
"DARIEN!!!" Came the piercing shriek of Suzanne as the door
flew open, Suzanne's vacant, blissful gaze boring me down. I gulped
nervously as she practically fell into my arms. She squealed happily as she
hugged me, and it was all I could do to manage a weak smile in return, my
arms unable to make any kind of contact with her whatsoever. I sighed,
trying desperately to rack my brain for a coherent response, but failing
miserably. "What are you doing here?"
"Well uh, Suzanne, I really need to talk to you....about something."
I voiced hardly audible. She gave me a curious look, but clamped down on
my arm just the same, her eyes twinkling and I could only imagine what
she was preparing herself for. I took a huge breath, praying to God that she
could handle this....Hell, that I could handle it!
"Well come on, out with it!" She squealed with delight, and I
began to hate myself for having to bring her down so fully right now. I
inhaled again, trying to keep myself from hyperventilating.
"Suzanne, I'm not so sure we should keep seeing each other
anymore....." I back tracked and founded my thoughts. "No, I KNOW we
shouldn't be seeing each other anymore." For a second her smile remained
stationary and I blinked, wondering if maybe I had actually said the words
aloud and not just in my head. I held my breath, waiting for her incessant
wailing, a cringe, her head to explode, anything!
"Wha...what?" She asked, blinking. I looked at her incredulously.
"Suzanne, I said...." I began and she froze.
"I heard you!" She bellowed, her face crossing over in anger. I
watched her eyebrow twitch in tension and I let my breath out slowly. "It's
her, isn't it?! It's her!" I blinked to her, my emotions dissipating from me,
my momentum draining from me.
"Huh? Suzanne, what....?" She cut me off, slamming her front door
as she charged at me on the steps, her face just inches from mine, steam
practically shooting from her ears.
"SERENE! That little.....Tramp!" She screeched, tossing her arms
about carelessly as she stared me down. I was taken completely aback,
clue less as to where this outburst was coming from. I tried to mumble
something incomprehensible but she cut me off before I had the chance to
even finish. "She waltzes into town after TWO YEARS and just thinks she
can have whatever she wants! I knew something strange was going on
between you two, but this just proves it!"
"Serene's engaged for God's sake!!" I belted back, not even taking
any wind from her. She narrowed her auburn eyes at me and practically
spat at the name.
"Yeah, the little wench!" She whirled around, her face red and
practically swollen with anger. I stumbled backwards, suddenly wishing I
could just run away. "Probably thought she was being so sly...But I'm not
blind!" My blood boiled at the sound of Suzanne, the woman I was
supposedly in love with, completely insulting the woman I really did love.
My feelings aside, it wasn't right, and had Suzanne would have been a
man, she wouldn't be standing right now.
"Suzanne, I really think you need to just calm down! It might just
be shock you're going through. You're saying things you might regret
later on." I managed to get out, through clenched teeth. She just glared at
me.
"I should have realized much earlier. Although I'm not surprised
you're defending her now." She sputtered out, crossing her arms over her
chest and I sighed. I hadn't expected this to be easy, but I could hardly
believe she was blowing up this way. And blaming Serene for this? Where
was that coming from?
I gave her a suspicious look as she finally stopped yelling and
thrashing about and stood there, her furious gaze attempting to look into
my very soul, make me feel guilty for the things she thought I had done.
Could she have known? Picked up on it somehow? She couldn't possibly
have known about my feelings for Serene. I myself had just realized last
night. It was utterly impossible!
But as she gave me that look, that heart piercing, violent glare,
hoping to delve deep in my soul, I shuddered. She hadn't plucked the idea
out of nowhere, that was for sure, and the idea of her knowing such things
before even I could scared me to death. Because I realized that there was a
possibility that she had figured this knowledge out on her own, and that
made me wonder what other things she could know that no one else
realized. And I wasn't sure I wanted such things brought to the surface.
*****
After nothing more to me, Suzanne had stalked into her house,
slamming the door roughly in my face, leaving my bewildered figure on
her stoop, confused as to what I was to think now. Things were finally
over and I could only thank God that I didn't have to worry anymore about
my guilt towards our relationship, or, lack there of.
So I returned home for a couple hours, completely ecstatic to find
both Serene and Luc having taken their leave of my dwelling. I yawned
emphatically to myself as I made myself comfortable on the couch in my
parlor, fully intending to read the book I had 'borrowed' from my mothers
shelf. I, however, was beginning to find the plush cushions much too
inviting and the gentle, caressing pillow at one end too much to resist. So
after a short little tangent on getting myself comfortable, I had closed my
weary eyes and had no later drifted into a peaceful, if not contained, sleep.
*****
"Wake up sleepy head....." Were the whisperings that wafted into
my state of dreams, the heavenly voice stifling a giggled as I frowned and
pulled the tiny pillow over my face. I groaned as the angel in my dreams
began to blow a gentle breeze through my one visible ear, a few tiny
laughs sweetening each soft caress. It was then that a quick poke to the
ribs finally jolted me from my serenity and I let my eyelids drift open,
although the visibility was still marred by the pillow. I blinked a few
times, trying to get the sleepiness from each orb.
It was then that, with a shout of laughter the shade of my pillow
was ripped from me, and I groaned as the light filtered into my
consciousness and I moaned in agony at the harsh wake up, barely aware
when the familiar figure sat delicately next to my horizontal figure. I
rubbed my eyes and sighed wearily.
"Have a nice nap?" I opened one eye, to find Serene's head tilted
curiously to the side, her question just then sinking into my mind. I smiled
and nodded tiredly.
"Very." I mumbled, still a little groggy and she grinned back. I
managed to pull myself up to a sitting position, my feet still propped up
fully on the sofa. She got a perplexed look on her face and suddenly began
fixing my hair madly, her brow furrowing as she smoothed it out of it's
fresh nature and I scowled as she finally pulled away, laughing heartily as
I just ran a hand through her handiwork. "What time is it?"
"Almost 5. You would have slept right through dinner if I hadn't
decided to get your lazy figure up." She smirked, smacking playfully at
my knees. I grinned totally at the action and decided that two could play at
that game.
"Well I happened to be having a lovely dream." I said in mock
disdain as my hand moved stealthily at her. I stared her straight in the eye,
making sure I held her gaze as I snatched the pillow from her. She
squeaked in surprise, only muffled by a quick bashing from me in the face.
The pillow flew from her face, only to reveal a perturbed expression and
nodded slowly.
"You like to play rough, eh?" She asked as she reached behind her
quickly and pulled a matching pillow in her own hands and slapping me
roughly in the cheek, giggling as I fell back onto the couch. I immediately
threw her off of me and stood up, holding my pillow in ready position. She
did the same, a lighthearted scowl on her face as she waited for my attack.
"You forget," I muttered, taking a whack towards her stomach and
she laughed, backing quickly away as she swerved to the right, and just
barely grazing my back. "I'm two years older than you..." She gave me a
perturbed look, as if she were really upset by my comment and I took the
opportunity to attack.
She hardly knew what had happened as I reached for her pillow
with one hand, and yanked at her slim waist with the other. I flippantly
tossed the pillow on the couch, and with on fell swoop, had pulled her
over my head and was now draped lazily over my left shoulder. Her
screams and wails barely registered as I grinned in pleasure, easily
maneuvering throughout the room until I had landed in front of the
mahogany colored chair just beside the fire place.
"Darien!! DARIEN! Put me DOOOWN!" Her last word
punctuated by a loud squeal as I bent forward, teasing her into thinking I
was through. She fell slightly forward, her back falling towards the chair
as my left arm clamped her legs tightly to my chest. But instead of just
landing directly in the chair, I stretched my right arm now in front of her,
catching her back cautiously, and finally pulling her upper body back up
to the final position, where she now lay in my arms, somewhat reminiscent
of being carried over the threshold, the thought only making my whole
body go numb.
She had gripped my neck in terror, her eyes as round as saucers,
her breath short and quick as she held on so tightly to my shirt. Her face
was pink in frustration and I couldn't help but grin at the priceless
expression her face held, completely scared, staring straight ahead as she
drew in swift breaths, her lips quivering ever so slightly under their own
pressure. I watched in bliss as her tiny little fingers unwound themselves
from my fabric ever so slightly, and she blinked, realizing exactly where
she was and what position she seemed to be in. Or we were in, I guess.
She shot a quick glance in my direction, her face flushing in
embarrassment and I could catch a slight heat from my own cheeks as I
gulped. I knew the best thing to do in this situation would be to just set her
feet back on the floor, but I'd be damned if my senses weren't enjoying
the sensation of her body so close to mine....So warm, so soft. Exactly the
way I had pictured her.
But somewhere in the distance, I heard a door open, and voices
consequently emerging from them, and I knew that, despite what my heart
and soul where screaming for, the scene wouldn't be looked upon as such
a good thing by anyone else. So, reluctantly, my muscles retracted and I
set her back on the floor, just as Luc came through the doors, his face a
little confused as he motioned behind him.
"Uh Serene darling, there's a woman here to see you...." He trailed
off as his brow furrowed and Serene took a deep breath, throwing me a
glance equally as confused as his before disappearing through the doors,
leaving me behind to gather my wits, which had temporarily abandoned
me for the moment, and the swinging door flew shut, but not so much that
I couldn't catch the startling squeal from Serene in the other room.
"Suzanne!" Oh God. That was not good.....
*****
"I hope you're satisfied!" Was the first thing I heard come angrily
from the brunettes mouth, her hands thrust pointedly on her hips, not even
noticing as I entered the room.
"Wha....What?" Serene stumbled back, completely confused.
Suzanne was not going to do this....I thought she had more tact, more
common sense than this.
"You know exactly what I'm talking about you little hussy!" She
took a step towards her, shaking her finger madly at her, her eyes
practically on fire as she bore onto the shorter blonde, now cowering
below her. "You just dance back into London and think that you can just
have whatever you want! I know what's been going on between you and
Darien! I am not stupid!" Had the circumstances been different, I might
have laughed. But as Serene's expression changed from fear to confusion
and finally to anger, I think I almost fainted dead away. I could not believe
Suzanne was so callous to do this, and right in front of both me and Luc!
And now, she was adding the fact that my feelings were practically out in
the open. I wished to God she was a man and I could slug her as hard as I
wanted to....
"WHAT?!" Serene bellowed incredulously, her confidence
gaining. Suzanne's stance didn't falter however, and she stood her ground,
her gaze still locked on Serene. I held my breath, not wanting this to go
any farther, but not knowing exactly what I could do to stop it. "Are you
insane?!"
"Don't deny it!" Suzanne screeched loudly, pointing her finger
accusingly at her. "And you , with a fiancee! You're just a....a home
wrecker!" I could tell Suzanne was on the verge of tears, as Serene
sputtered angrily, Luc, finally stepping in to hold Serene's shoulders
tightly, deviating her attention from the boiling brunette. I side-stepped to
get in front of Suzanne, my eyes boring down on her. She returned the
gaze fully, her eyes fierce and cold as she sneered up at me.
"I think it's time you left Suzanne...." I stated calmly as I tried to
haul her to the door by her shoulders, but she jerked away ferociously, her
mouth twisted in a sinister smirk.
"I can show _myself_ out, thank you very much." She growled,
almost spitting on my arms as they dropped ominously to my sides. I
watched her sashay out the front door, not even giving me a glance back.
As the large wooden door echoed in my mind, I couldn't help but feel a
little upset that she was letting it end this way. We had, after all, been
fairly close for almost three years, and she could just brush such a
relationship off with a few harsh words and a door slam in the face. I
wouldn't say it hurt me emotionally, but it puzzled me, and only made me
realize that breaking things off with her was the right thing to do, and that
the outcome could have only been better if I had done it much sooner. I
scratched my head, baffled by all that happened as I watched the closed
door. Sighing and shrugging, I knew that the matter wouldn't dwell too
much in my mind. No, I had much more serious matters to worry about.....
*****
"I can not BELIEVE that little....witch! Who does she think she
is?!" I had walked in on a solitaire Serene, pacing and fuming about her
parlor about an hour later, not five minutes after the fiancee had left to go
talk to the minister. And don't think that the timing wasn't strategically
planned on my part. "I mean, the idea!!"
I sighed, wondering what exactly I was doing here. I mean, hearing
the woman I loved raving about how the absurd the idea of an
involvement between us was doing nothing for my confidence.
"I'm ENGAGED, for Gods sake!!" She bellowed, her hands
wringing angrily through her hair, her eyes wide in excitement. I sat
silently in the corner. I knew why I was here....
After the ordeal in the afternoon, I knew my emotions wouldn't
hold much longer. I had to get it off my chest, before I made myself
insane. Things in my life had gone from bad to worse since she had
returned back to me, nothing in my own mind even making sense to me
anymore. The only thing that could possibly make it any better was her.
Serene, the one person who understood me, who even wanted to. I
couldn't believe how blind I had been. I wished that two years ago I could
have appreciated her like I did now, seen her for the kind, loving, witty
beautiful she truly was. I always felt she was extraordinary in my heart,
but I couldn't believe that I failed to see what my heart had always leaned
towards. It was impossible to picture myself with anyone but her,
impossible to even think about her not being mine. God, the thought of
Luc kissing her each night, being the father of her children tore my heart
into the tiniest pieces and blew them into the wind as I scurried to try to
reassemble it. I was awed and humbled by how much of a hold she had on
me, without even knowing it.
And so, here I was, trying to find the right time and just enough
courage to tell her just what my heart had been telling me for so long. It
didn't even seem possible that I just realized it myself almost 24 hours
ago. God, it seemed like years. Literally. I looked back on each year of my
life and somehow, in the back of my thoughts, I knew. I always knew. But
getting her to know was a completely different matter.
I left her ranting and raving reluctantly for a few moments,
stepping a few feet out of the house onto the balcony, gasping in deep
breaths of air as I closed my eyes, trying desperately to grab at my
confidence. I couldn't find any of it, any trace of it seeming to have left
with all pieces of my heart. God, to have them both back....
"Darien...?" She called remotely from the kitchen, and I smiled
involuntarily as I could feel her presence, her warm aura practically
envelope me, her tone and voice the very picture of serenity now.
Eventually, she spied my dark figure leaning wearily against the railing,
and I could hear her footsteps approach just before her arm brushed my
own as she found a comfortable spot right next to me. "You disappeared
on me...." She whispered, even her voice smiling now. I didn't need to see
her to know she was wearing a broad grin lighting up her whole face. God,
and she had no idea how much of me she completed....
"Sorry 'bout that..." I mumbled incoherently as my mind seemed
to drift back to her past few days here. All the jokes, little touches. I
couldn't have enjoyed them as much then. Not as much as every little
glance, brush of passing flesh, eyelash flutter did now. All those wasted
months, even years....Years I could have spent loving her, holding her,
kissing her. And now my chance was fleeting, hardly even a glimmer of
hope that I clung to was burning but that tiny little flicker was keeping me
alive now. I would never forgive myself if I let that flame die out.
"I guess I got myself a little preoccupied." She sighed, leaning her
head on her shoulders. "I just.....Don't understand where she could have
gotten that idea! What made her think that..." She muttered to herself
practically, shaking her head incomprehensibly. My heart pounded once in
my chest and as my fingers were laced into each other I could feel the
beads of sweat build between them as I decided to seize the opportunity to
answer her question. The question seemed to taunt me, it already knowing
the answer.
"She got it from me." I mumbled, almost hoping she wouldn't
hear. Wouldn't be able to make out my indirect confession of emotion.
But she did.
"Wha...What?" Her eyes were wide once more, not a muscle in her
body moving as I turned my head sharply to look her straight on. I know
she must have been expecting a smirk or a laugh. Maybe she thought I was
joking. But my eyes weren't smiling. Nothing about me was. If anything, a
part of my was crying.
"I think Suzanne might have picked up on some....emotions
coming from me." I mumbled, my humiliation growing as I turned and
looked towards the ground below us.
"What are you saying?" She asked skeptically, almost incredulous.
I took a deep breath finally, the strain and pressure too much for my lungs.
"I think I love you Serene." I closed my eyes, back tracking for the
second time that day. "No. I _know_ I love you." In an instant, I was
straightened my figure out, trying hard to face her, look her in the eyes.
Give her a reason to believe what I was saying. But even as my 6'2''
figure stared timidly down at her, I could only manage to stare anxiously
at her nose. And that took every ounce of bravery in me. "Ever since that
last night in London two years ago, my heart cried out for me to
understand. But I wouldn't listen. I blocked out the adamant voices in my
soul, only wanting to keep things from changing. I was so scared I would
lose my best friend that I couldn't bear to think of you being anything else.
And when I did lose you, physically, I lost everything. Suzanne was
nothing to me then, and she isn't anything now." My courage heightened,
I took a sure step towards her. "You understand _me_ , Serene. You hold
the key to everything inside me, and I can't believe that the one thing I
needed most was to be found from the most obvious person in the whole
world." My eyes were intense and scared, full of fear and pain as I finally
raised my eyes to meet hers. "You." I waited, my heart fearing the worst
while my mind whirled in a million different directions.
I heard the sharp clap before anything else. Then a light stinging
sensation burning my cheek ever so slightly before anything registered in
my mind, causing everything to come crashing down. She slapped me. I
stared back at her, wide-eyed and afraid, completely oblivious to anything
else around me. But nothing on the outside hurt as much as the dull ache
throughout my soul.
"How DARE you?" She spat, her arms clenched tightly by her
sides as she contained her anger inside. "Do you think you're doing the
right thing by telling me this now? Mere weeks before my wedding?!" Her
eyes watered, but I failed to figure whether they were from pain or the
unadulterated anger that flashed in her eyes. It didn't matter. That contact
her hand made with my face was enough to convince me. "When I told
you...." She paused, her breath practically retreating totally. "When you
overheard my confession, you were so quick to write it off. You told me I
would ALWAYS be a friend, and that was all! You knew how I felt and
you chose to ignore those feelings! And now," She choked back a sob,
breaking every remaining shred of my being. "Now, after two years, I've
FINALLY put my life back together. I've actually learned to fall in love
again!" She took a deep breath as she shoved a shaking finger in my
frightened, horrified face and gave me a confident, cold glare. "You have
no right to tell me this, now of all times." In a sudden second her figure
changed and she put her face in her hands, shoulders slumped and body
totally limp. I could only feel the urge to put my arms around her then as
her body convulsed in sobs and I knew that once I left she would ball up
on the floor all alone and weep until she fell asleep. But I couldn't do
anything now. She eventually picked her red, tear-streaked face up and
looked at me determinedly. "I think you need to leave." I stared stone-
faced, oblivious to anything but the sharp stinging that rose inside my
chest.
No, I had done enough.
**********************************************
I have problems with the paragraphs in this chapter. But I'm so reluctant
to dissect them.... If you can help without mangling many, many hours of
work, I'd be greatly appreciative. And if you can't, then can you still tell me
what you thought? :)
Please?
slr_europa@yahoo.com
http://www.geocities.com/slr_europa
AIM :: SeeShelliRun
(
geocities.com/slr_europa)