Cosmopolitan (03/98)

A Girl and Arowana:

When we see something beautiful, we feel pleasure and our desire to possess it exclusively may be alerted inside us. Naturally, we want to have that beautiful object. But, the question is if we are willing to share it with others. Of course, if I saw a beautiful night sky, I want to show that to someone I love. This is not something I will be possessive.

I was driving near my place. Although it was 10 p.m., I saw a small store still open leaking a blue dim light from its window. I was attracted to the blue dim light. I stop the car suddenly and went into the store. There were five or six large aquariums inside the store. I caught the reflection of a little girl feeding the fishes standing on the top of piled wooden boxes through the aquarium's glass. It was a spectacular sight in the blue light. I was taken by the sight before even start wondering about the relationship between the little girl, who looked like almost being swallowed by the fish, and a powerful fish, Arowana.

The beautiful sight was created by the many coincidences. It was the precious moment of beauty suddenly pierced into my soul and I was the only one to experience it. Even if I came across with the same sight again, I would not be able to share it with others because the precious moment of beauty is so sensational that it has to go around my mind to find a word "beautiful". Other people will not understand it and it is not necessary to make others to understand it.

On the other hand, what are the beautiful things which we want to share with others? Those are something similar to mother's love such as four seasons and nature in Japan, under the water in the ocean, baby and (may be) the universe. These are not the creation of coincidences or the beauty which lasts only for a moment, but these are the things which we can share and feel peace.

Incidentally, I am totally taken by the cat's eyes and the curvaceous beauty of my 1973 Citroen DS this year. Since I was just attracted to the external beauty of its shape and details, I am not sure about its personality yet. But, I do know one thing. I can't expect to feel peace with the beauty of this car. This is something which I feel more possessive. My car and I are now sharing the feeling of possessiveness. (How long?)

Goro this month (a little talk with Goro):

Goro was wearing a black duffel coat which he has been wearing every winter. (at least for last two years as long as the editor knows him.) He was in a very good mood. Apparently, he is in the honeymoon with his current "lover", Citroen DS that was mentioned in this month's essay. He was drawing the pictures of DS' cat's eyes all over a memo pad while he was talking to us. Aha! The love is delicious at the beginning. (This is the current hip word among the SMAP members, by the way.) After the passion completes to make the first round, the cats eyes will be just the car lights. No, may be, he has this thing with the image of cat all the time.