I planned on brushing my teeth.



I usually put toothpaste on the toothbrush and then I go to the bathroom (the dental stuff lies in my room) (sometimes I only took the toothbrush w/ toothpaste og skipped floss, don't ask why). In the instant I put toothpaste on the toothbrush I feel something, identify it as a smell and my first thought is: "Is it the computer? Is it the cooler, because I coupled the web camera into the computer?" Sudden worries leapt forward.



But as I investigate, think I recognize something familiar. I take the toothbrush to my nose and breathe in. Then I realize it was the toothpaste that smelled.



If you think this is a silly little story, then let me put it into perspective: When I used to put toothpaste on the toothbrush, then it was just something you had to do, because teeth can rot! Oh dear! Now you better do something about your teeth before they rot out of your fucking mouth!



But now as I smelled, or more correctly, percieved clearly that there was a smell, that unique toothpaste smell. Before it was just splashing some white cream-coloured nonsense on a brush and then stand and stare blindly into the mirror with the brush in the hands.



Now I want clean teeth.



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When I went to brush, no, clean, my teeth then I felt on my like now I was making a difference in myself so that I could get it better with myself. Just to feel on me, not knowing, feel, that now one made an effort.



Of course, that's what comes and becomes visible with a big smile, and to know that the teeth are visible for others then one becomes, don't how it's with you, self-conscious about it.



I had, while I was shy, some perceptions about how people thought about my teeth, did they think those teeth were ugly? Oh dear, how terribly there was brushed. One thought, that others thought about me.



I brushed teeth, that I've always done. But often I skipped one day, two, three, four, five! It happened, but then one went in the back of my mind and thought for oneself that there would damage occur if I didn't do it. Why did I skip over sometimes? I'm not entirely sure, only thing I can say, in reflection, is that one felt it like a burden I had to carry, and sometimes it was to heavy to lift, so one simply didn't and did nothing about it.



This, to walk around with burdens was a recurring subject for me as shy.