For all you scientists out there....
The nature of Hell.
The following passage is a question given on a university chemistry mid-term exam paper:
Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic(absorbs heat)? Support your answer with a proof.
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyl'es Law (gas cools off when it expands and heats up when compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So, we need to know the rate that souls are moving into Hell and the rate they are leaving. I think we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, lets look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Some of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there are more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all people and all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially.
Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand as souls are added. This gives two possibilities.
(1) If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
(2) Of course, if Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So, which is it? If we accept the postulate given to me by Ms Jane Doe during my Freshman year that "it will be a cold night in Hell before I sleep with you,"
and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having sexual relations with her, then (2) cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic.
I am given to understand that this paper received the only A.
And just to go the opposite way completely...
Lament to the Lord
They've brought you up to date, Lord, down at St Cecilia's
They've pensioned off the organ, and they're praising with guitars,
They've done it for the young ones; we want to draw them in,
But I do wish they could worship without making such a din,
For I'm growing rather deaf Lord, and when there's all that noise,
It gets so very hard, Lord, to hear your loving voice.
They've written brand-new hymns, Lord, with tunes that I don't know,
So I hardly ever sing now, though I did love singing so,
They're very go-ahead, Lord, they're doing "Series Three"
But the words are not so beautiful as the others used to be,
They've modernised the Bible and the Lord's Prayer and the Creed,
When the old ones were so perfect that they filled my every need.
My mind's not quite so agile as it was some years ago
And I miss the age-old beauty of the words I used to know.
It's very clear to me, Lord, I've overstayed my time,
I don't take to change so kindly as I did when in my prime,
But it can't be very long now before I'm called above,
And I know I'll find you there, Lord, and glory in your love,
So till then I'll stick it out here, though it's not the same for me,
But while the others call you You, Lord, do you mind if I say Thee?
And don't forget...
SMILE! You're SPECIAL :-)