How to build the Bezulinear Temporal Displacement Apparatus

For this project you will need:

1. a large cardboard box
2. scissors
3. glue
4. elbow macaroni
5. glue-on sprinkles
6. crayons and/or markers
7. kitchen timer
8. colander
9. wooden spoon
10. spatula

The kitchen timer is a critical element. It is what we will be using to measure the ammount of temporal displacement we experience.
The colander, spoon and spatula are safety devices used to fend off any foes we encounter in the future.
They are also useful to thwart any attempt to interrupt our journey to the future.

Assembly:

step 1.

(prep the box)

Orient your BTDA (the box) with the open side facing up.
Cut off three of the flaps leaving one in front to use as a controll panel.

step 2.

(the sprinkles)

This is the most important step.
There are a couple of ways to go with this one depending on the color of sprinkles you have.
If your sprinkles are blue, silver or yellow:
lay out some glue in the shape of a lightning bolt on one side of your BTDA.
Add some sprinkles and let the glue dry.
Repeat on the other side.
If your sprinkles are red or orange:
lay out some glue in the shape of some flames on one side of your BTDA.
Add some sprinkles and let the glue dry.
Repeat on the other side.
If you have access to blue, silver, yellow, red and orange sprinkles then you may want to consider a combination of fire and lightning designs.

The reason that this step is so important is because the lightning and/or fire designs give the impression of great speed.
This "tricks" the universe into "thinking" that you are accelerating at an alarming rate when in fact you're actually sitting still.
Because the universe "thinks" you are accelerating, general relativity kicks in and the passage of time within the BTDA is slowed.
Thus, from the perspective of the BTDA time outside speeds up.

step 3.

(the macaroni)

Glue some macaroni in circles on your controll panel.
These will be used as guages so make them in accordance with what ever kind of information you wish to gather on your journeys.
Glue some circles on the outside as well.
The circles on the outside will serve as a warning.

step 4.

(the crayons/markers)

Take your best (or favorite) crayon/marker and fill in your guages.
I recomend guages with lots of dials and big numbers to impress your friends.
Tip: build plenty of redundancies into your controll panel. You don't want your temperal bifurcation indicator to go out on you mid-journey.
Once you've completed your guages it's time to fill in the clock faces on the outside of your BTDA.
Try to make the clocks reflect a variety of temperal zones.
This will indicate to anyone who sees the BTDA that it is in fact a time machine and that caution must be exercised when operating it.
Failure to make this indication may result in reckless and haphazard use of the BTDA by untrained individuals.

step 5.

(Safety and useage)

To use your new BTDA first figure out how far into the future you wish to go.
Set the kitchen timer for this ammount of time.
Now, put the timer on a shelf somewhere outside the BTDA but not to far from the BTDA.
If you place the timer inside of the BTDA then it won't accurately measure the ammount of temporal displacement you experience.
Now go sit in the BTDA until the timer goes off.
The timer will let you know when your future is ready.
Prepare to be amazed.

Now you and your BTDA are all ready to be transported to the future. But before you go let's review some safety issues.
First of all, be sure you have your colander on your head.
The dome shape reflects and focuses the temperal shift field eminating from the BTDA, while the tiny holes allow your head to breathe and prevent overheating.
Failure to wear your colander may result in an uneven temperal field surrounding your body. This causes your body to arrive in the future shortly before your head does.
Seccond, don't forget your wooden spoon and spatula.
When people see you travelling to the future they may try to stop you.
They usually start with a verbal attempt to cease your journey.
They may say things like "get out of that damn box!" or "This house is a mess, you never do anyting around here!".
But these can all be easily ignored.
Sometimes though, they may try to physically remove you from the BTDA.
If this happens just smack them with the spatula and/or spoon while yelling "I won't go back! I won't go back!".
There may be times when you want to take an extra large jump into the future.
If you do, I recomend that you bring along some tasty sandwiches and possibly a pillow.
Also, I have found that placing the BTDA near a television makes the time jump go by faster.
I think it has to do with some sort of reaction between the television waves and the elbow macaroni.
Popcorn has been known to amplify this effect.

Happy travels!

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