Funniest thing that happened this week- As everyone knows, Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets came out this weekend. Me and my friends Mica, Allie, and Andrew decided to brave the crowds and try to get in on opening night. Here is our story: There was serious doubt as to whether we’d be able to get in or not, but thanks to Andrew, who got there early and bought our tickets for us (thanks Andrew!) we made it in. To our surprise, people were already lining up in front of the theatre. (30 min in advance) So, we decided to follow form and get in line. After a few minutes the doors swung open, and before we could make a move, a swarm of rabid 11-year old Harry Potter enthusiasts engulfed us in a mad rush for primo seats. I kid you not, it was one of the scariest moments of my life. Due to our superior age and size we scored awesome seats (take that little kids!) As you can imagine, most of the audience was kids too young to go to the movies w/o parents, so we were the only ones in the theater that were between the ages of 14 and 30, it was very odd. Anyway, it was a veritable who’s who of the freak show. There were several Hermione impersonators, and a Harry. I swear, in 10 years, Harry Potter will be the next Rocky Horror Picture Show. There was also a very large woman wearing stretch pants that displayed her freakish skin paunch extending half-way to her knees, which of course sparked uncontrollable laughter. Meanwhile, the little kid in front of us was plotting an evil plan to ruin the movie for us. He sat there, before the movie with his chair in the “un-reclined” position which made things a little cramped for me and Mica. We asked him to put his seat down several times, threatened his life, and used physical force, but still, the little bastard was determined to be a pain in the ass. The movie was excellent, but I would have enjoyed it more had that little brat not been slamming his seat into my shins. When the lights came up Allie told him that if he were a wizard he’d be in Slytherin, I think that might have hit a touchy spot in him, we followed him out and glared at him, but unfortunately he was about 5 years younger, so we couldn’t morally inflict pain. O well, it was still a lot of fun.
Coolest thing that happened this week- At “Casino Night” I saw a really good Ska band play (“skalala”) and moshed, and did some karaoke, much fun.
Well, my goal this year was to watch every SNL actually live, but thanks to Mica Allie and Andrew that dream has been destroyed. I was going to leave casino night at 10:00, but nooooooooooooooooooooooooooo(as John Belushi would say) I had to stay until 12:00, because they “love me” and it “wouldn’t be the same without me” ok, I made those quotes up, but that was the gist of the situation. Anyway, I watched it on tape, it wasn’t the same, but it was better than nothing.
Pre-Show Thoughts- Don’t like Brittany Murphy, I thinks she’s a flake, hopefully the writers and cast can compensate.
Onto the review.
Cold Opening: Hanukkah Song 3- Ahh, yes, the Hanukkah song, a holiday classic. I’m not the biggest Adam Sandler fan, but I do love the Hanukkah song. Number 3 was an excellent version. I hated the Rob Schneider cameo, fortunately it was short. My favorite part was the Joey Ramone shout-out, mad props to Adam for that one. The Ramones deserve a lot more credit. Fun way to open the show and promote a movie at the same time. 8/10
Quote: “Tom Arnold converted, but you guys can have him back.” “One day of presents? Hell no! We get 8 crazy nights!”
Monologue- Well, she certainly seemed enthused. The rap war thing was semi-clever because she’s in 8 mile and everything, but it went way too long, and I hated it when she started rapping. Also, I read that Chris Parnell is from Tennessee. I guess they just needed another guy that could rap to represent the West Coast. Uhh, not a rap fan, so this monologue wasn’t too exciting. 7/10
Quote: “Bitch, I’m President Bush!”
Welcome Back Potter- One word: Brilliant! Man, its just so funny, its like the purest form of funny there is. Unadulterated play on words/parody. Anyone who has seen Welcome Back Kotter can truly appreciate the hilarity of this commercial. The picture sequence was great, and I love the Welcome Back Kotter theme song so that was just the icing on the cake. 9/10
Quote: “Honky in the hood”
The Leather man- Why was this the first sketch??? It was so unworthy of the time slot! It was basically just a one joke sketch, that being the silly leather sound affects. And, here we go, now I trash Jimmy Fallon. Note to Jimmy: Hey Jimmy, I love you, I love your CD, I love you on Update, but, YOU MAKE ME SO DAMN MAD!!!! Get your freakin act together man! Jeez! At the very least, stop doing sketches w/ Horatio, it just doesn’t work. This sketch was very unfunny, even with the inevitable crazy Horatio character. 5/10
Quote: “Fashionably numb”
Donahue- I’ve been waiting for this since Darrel was on Donahue. Unfortunately it wasn’t as great as I thought it would be. The impression was good of course, but its like the writers didn’t feel like writing anything funny like the Hardball sketches. There was basically the same joke throughout, about how no one watches Donahue. But, what redeemed it was the gauze over Barbra Streisand’s camera. People like Barbra and Martha Stewart always do that to hide their aging features. It was a really nice touch, too bad the rest of the sketch was lacking. 7/10
Quote: “40% of our fellow Americans are in prison.”
Jarret’s Room- I was really surprised to see this, I figured they would save it for when Phish was on the show. I like Jonathan’s new look, and Goby’s bong entrance was up to par. The turkey POT pie joke really did make me laugh, but I felt that the entire sketch went downhill when Brittany Murphy came on as the jacked up girl. It kind of killed it. You’re typical Jarret’s Room. 8/10
Quote: “Turkey POT Pie! HAHAHAHA” “Feathren”
C-Span: Princess Di’s Butler- How the heck did Seth change so fast?? Well, no matter how he did it, it worked and he was REALLY funny in this. I loved how the commentator kept eluding that the guy was gay. But the funniest thing was the little captions at the bottom of the screen. An all-around great sketch. 8/10
Quotes: “Exquisite taste in ties.” “Received the bad news from a drag queen.” “Paul Burrell and ‘his wife’ “
Tennis Talk with Time Travlin’ Scott Joplin- Hmm, I think I’m missing something here. Who the heck is Scott Joplin, and why would he be hosting a show about tennis? This was kinda weird, but still funny. Mostly just a sketch to make jabs at Anna Kournakova, but Tracy and Dean as the Williams sisters was great. Apparently one of the writers really hates Anna Kournakova. 7/10
Quote: “Antiquated? Why, that’s a pretty big word Russian Barbie.”
Weekend Update- The jokes were great, but the commentaries brought it down. Some of the best jokes were: “Verizon Wireless Pizza Hut War on Iraq,” “Michael Jackson forgot his mouth.” “Dick Cheyney 6 pack of defibrillators.” Then there was Drunk Girl. I actually like this character, but it’s most definitely getting old, although I did like it when he said “Hey Tina, skinny little bitch.” The Harry Potter joke was probably the best of the night, and the J Lo and Ben joke was great. But why did the bring back that stupid Phill Collins bit??? WHY? I actually didn’t get the Richard Gere Joke, but the audience was really into it, so someone email me and tell me who his wife is. Kattan does an awesome David Guest, and Maya’s Liza Minnelli isn’t bad, but the commentary went to long. Mediocre Update. 8.5/10
Astronaut Jones- Some people really love this sketch, but it just doesn’t do anything for me. I get the joke, I just don’t think it’s funny. Not much to say really, seeing Garret Morris was a pleasant surprise, but even he couldn’t salvage this. 6/10
Religetables- Veggie Tales actually isn’t that annoying, but I could see why Smigel would want to attack. It was a great parody, and looked a lot like the real thing. Among the highlights were the avocadoes being made into guacamole, and Larry the cucumber as a Catholic Priest admitting to molesting young mushrooms. 7/10
My Big Thick Novel- So dumb, I’m not even gonna review it.
The Girl With No Gaydar- Yes! At least the show ended on a good note. This is one of my favorite recurring sketches. Rachel Dratch is always awesome in these and the male cast members are great at playing queer. It’s just such a funny idea, and yet another example of how funny Tina Fey is. (she writes these) It was a clever twist with the lesbian hitting on her and her having no idea. Ioooooooove when they break into the song, its just hilarious. 8/10
Quotes: “Could they have found a more obvious way to check out my ass?” “If all these guys are gay, what’s my sister’s husband doing here?” “I guess my Rosie O’dometer is off today.” “She wants a real pecks of steel, facial peel kind of boyfriend, she’s the girl with no gaydar!”
This show scored: 88.5/120 or 74%
Post-Show Thoughts- I must be channeling the SNL writers in a Zen-like manner. Last week I predicted that the Nia Vardalos show would be good, and also that this show would suck. I was right! The writing was mediocre at best and there were such debacles as the leather man sketch. Brittany Murphy was an ok host, but nothing exceptional, and I’m not even gonna comment on the musical guest, they don’t even deserved to be mentioned. With the exception of Weekend Update, Welcome Back Potter, and The Girl With No Gaydar, there was nothing truly extraordinary.
What I’d Like to See( in 2 weeks)- Well, in 2 weeks the host will be Robert Deniro, he’s a great actor, but that doesn’t mean he can do live television, I guess we’ll just have to see. Norah Jones will be the musical guest, I think she’s a great songwriter, and it certainly beats rap. I bet Jimmy will do an impression of him, other than that, I have no predictions.
If you have questions comments or death threats you can email me- blinkgrl@wt.net
Well, that’s all for this week, until next time, I’m Kate, goodnight and have a pleasant tomorrow!