I would hate to get 12 crapweeds for Valentine's Day. I'd much rather have candy.
Big BOB has been edited and altered because it did not make sense whatsoever
and of its crude material. S.N.U.H. advises you to keep reading at your own risk
and the events mentioned below are all fictionous and should not be mistaken as
real events. If you do take offence by these fictionous events please contact
the producers of Big Brother by calling 1300 DONT SUE (1300 3668 783). No
animals were harmed during the filming of this production.
If you wish to see the original transcript of Big BOB by Caillan, please
continue to scroll down the page until you see Uncut, Uncensored, Unchanged.
Big BOB is watching you. 10 Housemates, 1 Winner, You Decide.
Day 1 - The housemates enter the house, and almost immediately there is
conflict. Caillan's first impressions of Glen was that of a pretty boy. They
then got into a detailed argument, Glen's constantly fixing his hair throughout
it. As this argument occurred, the other housemates discussed their thought of
Big BOB's gender. This then brought up a sexist argument between the male and
female housemates. The female housemates told the male housemates they stank and
the male housemates replied 'least we don't smell like fish!'. The female
housemates then stormed off into the bedroom, sobbing.
Day 2 - Today the sexist tension between the housemates had settled. That night,
the housemates had had too much to drink and Alan had slapped Daniel with his
penis. This then broke out into an all-out "penis war" which lasted a few
minutes. Lisa observed this, and could not take her eyes off their penis's.
Eventually, their penis's clashed together, Alan fell and Daniel was the victor.
After this ordeal, Big BOB called Alan to the Diary Room, and awarded him with a
strike, for provoking homosexual acts on other housemates. Alan cried.
Day 3 - Tonight, we saw Anna and David talking in the spa. Anna then touched
David on his knee and David glanced at her eyes and tells Anna to 'touch my
other knee, baby'. They then met lips and kissed while poking each others knees.
Day 4 - Today was nominations, and Big BOB reminded the housemates that he can
evict any housemate, any time. Whilst he made this announcement, Daniel told
Lisa of his big nipples, Lisa then winked at him. All the housemates nominated
Glen, except Alan, for his prolonged use of shampoo, conditioner and hair
product. Big BOB then announced the nominations. Glen hears of his nomination
and gives all the housemates a death stare, then runs to the bathroom where he
then fixed his hair.
Day 5 - Today was the day the weekly task was due, This weeks task was of to
shave all housemates pubic hair and to make a life size person out of this pubic
hair. They had wagered 80% of their weekly food budget, and the results were now
in. Big BOB then announced the successful completion of this weeks task, the
housemates had passed with flying colours mainly because of Caroline's
neglection of her pubic region. They then named the pubic hair man, "Hairy Mc
Sack".
That night, the housemates gathered around the lounge as it was Eviction night.
The public had voted out Glen but as Gretel Cockleen was saying 'It's time to
go...', Glen grabbed Alan from the lounge and put a bread stick to his throat.
He then announced his love for Alan and dragged Alan to the Eviction doors. He
demanded that Big BOB open the doors. Glen and Alan were never seen again by any
of the housemates.
Day 6 - The housemates had settled from last night, many forgot of the incident
as Alan was loved only by Glen. In the morning, we see Anna plugging up the
toilet, the bathroom then flooded with human faeces. The housemates then
rejoiced, many celebrating Glen and Alan's departure of the Big BOB house.
Caillan rolled around in his own filth; Lisa, David and Anna danced among it;
while Daniel, Caroline, Sheila and Susan made a snow man out of shit. Big BOB
was furious with the housemates lack of hygiene and ordered the housemates to
clean the filth off his walls, or face early eviction. Big BOB then supplied
each housemate with a sponge and told them to clean using only their heads.
Caroline refused to clean, as she has never cleaned before and left the Big BOB
house along with Daniel, Anna and Sheila.
Due to the nature of the show, many were disgusted by the material it was
showing. Despite good ratings, Network Ten cut Big BOB from its broadcast early,
as many people threatened to beat the Big BOB producers with a piece of hardened
turd but one more show was still shown, the Big BOB finale.
Day 7 - The final eviction was at hand and Gretel Cockleen read out an envelope
which read:
The winner of Big BOB 2005 is...
going to be determined by a gladiator style match, with housemates using only
breadsticks and turds provided by Big BOB.
The crowd then went into a frenzy, a mysterious door in the Big BOB house then
opened revealing a large pit of human waste, the housemates had collected from
yesterdays incident. Either side of the pit there lay large amounts of hardened
pieces of crap and breadsticks, Lisa rushed over to the pile of shit and
immediately went for Susan, as she was the smallest of the last 4 housemates and
she was the only housemate to resemble a garden gnome. As Lisa threw a large
piece of turd, Susan then threw David in front of her, the impact of the turd
knocking David out leaving him with a serious case of concussion.
Caillan sat in the corner, rocking back and forth muttering 'Big BOB is really a
woman' over and over again. Caillan then ran over to the pile of bread sticks
and fell sick due to the contamination of bacteria from the human crap. It then
had a "laxative effect" on him, making Caillan shit on everything, leaving the
battle surface very slippery.
Lisa then attempts to hit Susan with her super-duper, flying, roundhouse,
kickarooni but loses her footing due to the slipperiness of the ground. Susan
then walks over to the now lifeless body of Lisa and begins to throw turds at
her, burying her in a pile of human faeces.
Gretel Cockleen: Here concludes Big BOB 05, I hope to see you next year for Big
BOB 06. Goodbye for now and remember Big BOB is always watching.
Uncut, Uncensored, Unchanged.
BIG BOB is watching you..even when your in the toilet! 10 housemates, 50
cents, 1 winner and 9 losers, you decide.
david* caillan* glen* alan* anna* carols* daniel* sheila* susan* lisa*
D1-as soon as the housemates enter the house conflict arises.caillan thinks glen
is a pretty boy bitch who should go flush his head down the toilet followed by
housemates soiling themselves on him.Glen replies with my hair will get wet!!
and gives caillan a dirty look then fixes his hair.While this occured the rest
of the housemates interacted and was discussing why big brother is always a man
then this brought up a sexist arguement. lisa caroline susan sheila and anna
argued thaT boys stink and the male housemates said..least we dont smell liek
fish and the females stormed off into the bedroom to deal with their period
pains.
D2-today the sexist tension calmed down and it was back to normal..until alan
slapped daniel with his penis.this broke out into a penis war(while lisa was
enjoying the show)after several hits to the face and anus alan fell and daniel
was the victor.a little bit after this ordeal big brother called alan to the
diary room and awarded him a strike for provoking homosexual acts in the
house.Alan cried.
D3-nothing happened today but tonight we saw some action between housemate anna
and david.whilst they where talking in the spa anna accidently touched davids
knee and david glanced into her eyes and said...touch my other knee baby and it
broke out into an all out knee fondling moment and after this they kissed each
other on the lips then poked each others elbows.
as this is big bob, evictions can happy any time of the day.
D4- today was nominations, and during that sentence that big bob just said,
daniel informed lisa of his big nipples.lisa winked at him. every one nominated
glen for his prolonged use of hair conditioner, shampoo, hair products, head and
shulders and his hair moisturiser.glen was nominated and when big bob told this
to the house, glen gave every1 a death stare then stormed off into the bathroom
where he continued his hair fondling. besides the nomination todays task was to
shave each others pubic hairs off and make a life size pubic hair person, they
wagered 80 percent of their food budget. they passed this task with flying
colours because of carolines neglection to her pubic region and made a
person..they named it hairy mc sack.
D5- after the completion of the task yesterday big bob announced evictions and
the housemates gathered to the lounge.As every1 knew glen was going to go but
glen had other plans...just when big bob was about to announce the eviction glen
pulled alan from the lounge and put a breadstick to his throat and announced his
love for alan and he slowly headed to the eviction doors and demanded big bob to
open the doors or he will bread poke alan to death.then big bob did and glen and
alan where never seen again.
D6- after yesterdays weird experience everyone was back to normal mainly because
alan was loved only by glen.Today was the worst day in big bob history..anna had
plugged the toilet and human waste was pouring out of the toilet bowl and into
the house it was a tragic scene..caillan was rolling around in it with lisa and
david and anna was dancning in it while daniel caroline and sheila n susan made
poopie man out of the shit.big bob was very angry with them and demanded that if
they dont clean it up with a sponge connected to their head that they wuld
leave..only lisa david susan and caillan cleaned it up whilst sheila daniel
caroline and anna left..but before there departure big bob forced them into an
animal / poo pornography type of video..anna likes anal.
due to the nature of this show big bob will now be making the final eviction
tonight as multiple people have threatened him to beat him to death with a piece
of hardened turd.
D7- as it comes down tonite is the final eviction and its out of lisa susan
david and caillan..who will win the 50 cents WHO KNOWS only big bob does.and
gretel cockleen reads out the envelope..AND THE WINNER IS...out of who wins a
gladiator style match with breadsticks and turds provided and with that LISA
rushes to the turd and grabs 1 and immediently goes for susan because susan is
small and looks like a gnome but susan throws david in front of lisa and lisa
whacks david over the head while caillan rocks bak and forth in the corner
saysing....big bob is really a woman over and over agen.. but david is
eliminated from hsi concussion and its down to susan and lisa and caillan...caillan
runs over to the bread and eats it and falls sick to a laxative effect sickness
and makes the ground very brown and slippery...so its out of susan and
lisa..lisa flys in with a super duper flying roundhouse kickarooni and misses
and lands in a puddle of poop. and susan throws turds and knocks lisa out..susan
wins SHE WINS THE 50 CENTS..with the money she gets a 50 cent growth spurt and
is now the height she wanted to be..bigger then her mum..saddly her legs are
amputated from the the rotton poop feasting on her knees and she goes bak to her
original size...so kids in conclusion big bob is just a load of shit where sum1
small trys to make it in the big league but just gets ''chopped'' bak down to
size....HAHAHA sumtimes i crack myself up,....sumtimes.