Anger Management
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For all of you who occasionally have a really bad day and you
just need to take it out on someone, don't take it out on someone you
know, take it out on someone you don't know. I was sitting at my desk, when I remembered a phone call I had forgotten to make. I found the number, and dialed it. A man answered saying, "Hello?" I politely said, "This is Bob, could I please speak with Robin?" Suddenly, the phone was slammed down on me. I couldn't believe that anyone could be so rude. I tracked down Robin's correct number, and called her. (I had transposed the last two digits of her phone number). After hanging up with her, I decided to call the 'wrong' number again. When the same guy answered the phone, I yelled, "You're an asshole!" and hung up. I wrote his number down, with the word 'asshole' next to it, and put it in my desk drawer. Every couple of weeks, when I was paying bills or had a really bad day, I'd call him. He'd answer and I'd yell, "You're an asshole!" It always cheered me up. When Caller ID came to our area, I thought my therapeutic 'asshole' calling would have to stop. So, I called his number and said, "Hi, this is John Smith from the Telephone Company. I'm just calling to see if you're familiar with the caller ID program?" He yelled, "NO!" and slammed the phone down. I quickly called him back and said, "That's because you're an asshole!" So, one day I was at the store, getting ready to pull into a parking spot. Some guy in a black BMW cut me off, and pulled into the spot I had patiently waited for. I hit the horn and yelled that I had been waiting for the spot. The idiot ignored me. I noticed a "For Sale" sign in his car window, so I wrote down his number. A couple of days later, right after calling the first asshole (I had his number on speed dial), I thought I had better call the BMW asshole, too. I dialed and someone said,
"Hello?"
Then I hung up, and added his number to my speed dial, too. Now,
when I had a problem, I had two assholes to call. But after several
months of calling them, it wasn't as enjoyable as it used to be.
So, I came up with an idea: I called Asshole #1.
Then I called asshole # 2:
"Hello?" he said.
Then, I hung up, and immediately called the police saying that I
lived at 1802 West 34th Street, and I was on my way over there to kill
my gay lover. Then, I called Channel 13 news about the gang war going down on
West 34th Street.
I quickly got into my car and headed over to 34th St. There, I
saw two assholes beating the crap out of each other in front of 6
squad cars, a police helicopter, and news crew.
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