A Singh died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul,
he must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are in a year?
The Singh thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow
answer, even though it's not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"
The Singh replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc..."
Saint Peter lets him in without another word.

Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.
Jasmeet : "What are you searching for?"
Santa : "Hidden cameras!"
Jasmeet : "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?"
Santa : "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying 'You are watching the Star World Channel'. How does he know that?"

Having lost his donkey a Singh, got down to his knees and started thanking God. A passerby saw him and asked,
"Your donkey is missing; what are you thanking God for ?"
The Singh replied
"I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."

Sardar Gurbachan Singh is appearing for his University final examination.
He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and throws them out of the window. He then removes his turban and throws it away as well. His shirt, pant, socks and watch follow suit. The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
"Oye, I am only following the instructions here"! It says here "Answer the following questions in brief".

Two Singhs were sitting outside a clinic. One of them was crying like hell.
So the other asked, "Why are you crying?"
The first one said, "I came here for blood test"
Second one asked, "So? Are you afraid ? "
First one replied, " No, not that. During the blood test they cut my finger"
Hearing this the second one started crying. The first one was astonished and asked the other,
"Why are you crying?"
The other replied, "I have come for my urine test."

A Singh goes to a hotel and eats heartily. After eating he goes to wash hands but starts washing the basin instead. The manager comes running and asks him,
"Mr. Singh, what are you doing?"
To this the man replies," Oye, see the board here ---"Wash Basin".

Just for laughs

"Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain Banta Singh welcoming you to Punjab Airways. We apologize for the four days delay in taking off, owing to bad weather and some overtime I had put in at the bakery. This is flight 126 to New Delhi. Landing in Delhi is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in the East. And if luck is in our favor, we may even be landing on your village!

Punjab Airways has an excellent record for safety. In fact our safety standards are so high that even the terrorists are afraid to fly with us!

It is with pleasure I announce that starting this year over 50% of our passengers have reached their destination. For the ones that don't quite make it, Punjab Airways staff have all the requisite experience for consoling the next-of-kin. Our Stewardess Miss Bubbly will be happy to brief you on our out of court settlement policies.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request, we can arrange to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable,we serve complimentary tea and biscuits! For our religious passengers,we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!

We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs,we will be flying right next to Air India, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.

There is no smoking in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down! Life jackets are positioned under your seats and free bathing costumes are made available to the aunts and swimming shorts to the uncles, for emergencyjumps!

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take off and fasten your belt. For those of you who can't find a seat belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat. And for those of you who can't find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a flight attendant for your suitcase.

Sorry, but I won't be flying with you today because I have to attend my nephew's wedding. But please make yourself at home and help yourself to the cock pit." This is a recorded message........................