One Liners

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• Lottery: A tax on people who are bad at math.

• Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.

• Daddy, why doesn't this magnet pick up this floppy disk?

• Give me ambiguity or give me something else.

• I.R.S.: We've got what it takes to take what you've got!

• We are born naked, wet and hungry. Then things get worse.

• Make it idiot proof and someone will make a better idiot.

• He who laughs last thinks slowest!

• The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.

• If ignorance is bliss, you must be orgasmic.

• Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.

• Artificial Intelligence usually beats real stupidity.

• I wouldn't be caught dead with a necrophiliac.

• Learn from your parents' mistakes - use birth control!

• Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off now.

• Friends help you move. Real friends help you move bodies.

• I won't rise to the occasion, but I'll slide over to it.

• "Very funny, Scotty. Now beam down my clothes."

• Puritanism: The haunting fear that someone, somewhere may be happy.

• Consciousness: that annoying time between naps.

• I don't suffer from insanity. I enjoy every minute of it.

• The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

• We have enough youth, how about a fountain of SMART?

• Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

• "Criminal Lawyer" is a redundancy.

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